Theatre Jokes

My grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink No one listened, but he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre

Breaking News: A movie theatre has just been robbed of over two thousand dollars The theives took a large soda and two bags of popcorn

A local movie theatre was robbed of $600 worth of merchandise The suspects stole 3 medium popcorns, 1 bag of skittles and 4 small diet cokes.

My Grandfather warned people the Titanic would sink No one listened.

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But he kept on warning them nonetheless until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre

My dad always used to say "The first rule of theatre is to always leave them wanting more". Good man, terrible anaesthetist.

So I was in the movie theatre... and I was watching an incredibly sad film. So sad that the man behind me started wailing, then he hit me in the head with a harpoon.

My great grandfather got to see the Titanic He told everyone it would sink, no one believed him. He said it again, they shut him up. For the last time, he warned everyone that it would sink. They have had enough and he got kicked out of the movie theatre.

Recently I felt Funny and came over Queasy... At which point I was told to leave the local theatre adaption of Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.

My dad always said "The first rule of theatre is to always leave them wanting more.” Great bloke...


Terrible anaesthetist.

The movie theatre down the road from my house was robbed of $50,000 last night The newspaper said that the suspects escaped with 2 large bags of popcorn, 2 candy bars and a large soda

Got thrown out of the theatre during the Superman movie... ... but I was able to sneak back in by putting on glasses.

A thief entered a theatre... He stole the spotlight

People love animals. There's movies where people get blown up and shot. But you kill one puppy... They ask you to leave the theatre!

My school did a theatre show about puns It was a play on words

I was at the theatre seeing a tragedy and the man behind me started wailing. I got hit in the head with a harpoon.

I love using our theatre’s trapdoor... ...it’s just a stage I’m going through.

I just attended a theatre show about puns It was a play on words.

Where did the Japanese watch their movies in WWII The Pacific Theatre

When my grandfather saw the Titanic he warned everyone that it would sink, but they ignored him. He kept on saying this until they finally threw him out of the theatre.

Can someone please explain this joke to me? How do you get the elephant out of the theatre?
You can’t. It’s in his blood.

[WARNING, spoilers ahead!] 1.) Storing milk at room temperature
2.) Grandparents
3.) Black people in a movie theatre

My Grandfather warned people that the Titanic would sink No one listened, but he kept on warning them until they got sick of him and kicked him out the movie theatre.

What's Long and Hard and full of seamen? The Pacific theatre of WW2!

I’ve written a theatre production called “Thesaurus.” It’s a play on words

Why did the Lord of the Rings author get kicked out of the movie theatre. He was Tolkien all the way through.

John Wilkes Booth John Wilkes Booth, to his fiancee: "I have an important role to play tonight at Ford's Theatre."


Fiancee: "Break a leg!"

In an operation theatre at a hospital, Surgeon: David, don’t be afraid. I know it’s your first time. You are freaking out. But it’s gonna be fine.

Patient: Doctor, I’m not David.

Surgeon: I know. David is me.

John Wilkes Booth is one of history's greatest stand-up comedians I heard he really killed at Ford's Theatre.

Did hear about the thief that decided to raid the theatre? He sure stole the spotlight.

That reminds me of a theatre production based on the dictionary... It's a play on words.

^^^^Original joke from Some Jerk with a Camera.

A man walks into a Movie Theater with a bag -"What's that in the bag"
--"An AK-47"
-"No, the thing next to it"
--"A bag of Cheetos"
-"Sorry, you can't take that to the Theatre"

My grandfather saw The Titanic and he warned everyone it would sink, but they all ignored him... Time and time again, he warned them, until they threw him out of the movie theatre.

What did the English major say to the Theatre major? Now my friend, we play the waiting game!

What do you call a Jewish theatre? A cinemagogue. Sorry, I'm not sorry

Don’t ever yell fire in a crowded movie theatre Or “Gatorade” in a pet shop

Just saw the new Lion King movie, everyone in my theatre couldn't contain themselves. At first, the urge to sing "the lion sleeps tonight" was just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away. But in the end... We all whimmed awaaaaaay!!

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are watching a concert in a crowded theatre... The performer asks everyone if they can see him.

The four reply: "Yes, oui, si, ja"

What did the theatre critic's ghost say? Boo

Did you hear there was another blast? This time in a movie theatre. The movie playing was You, Me and Debris.