Contents
Contents
I got so fed up with the trick-or-treaters last Halloween that I turned off the lights and pretended I wasn't home. My lighthouse, my rules.
I went trick or treating as Gandhi and kept all of my candy in a hat And when someone tried to take the candy from my hat i told them "My hat my candy"
A man was on a plane...
A man was on a plane when a stewardess approached him and said "Would you like some headphones?" To which the man replied "Yes I would, but how did you know my name was Phones?"
*Edit: unintentional brain trick.
How many protestors do you need to change a lightbulb? Trick question. Protestors don't change anything.
When it comes to trick plays, you have to hand it to Tom Brady... Literally. He can’t catch.
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question, feminists can't change anything.
Why can't you trick an unemployed jester? Because he's nobody's fool!
Husband says to wife: Babe, do I please you in bed?
Wife: Yes, I love that trick you do with your mouth.
Husband: What trick?
Wife: The one where you stfu and go to sleep.
Have you seen the new iPhone card trick? It's the one where all the jacks dissappear
How many divorced men does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question. No one knows, they never get the house.
Find out this one weird trick fishermen use. Click bait.
A hispanic magician was performing a magic trick The magician said that he could make himself disappear within 3 seconds! So, he waves his cape in front of his face and says "uno, dos!" and just like that, he disappeared without a tres!
By putting the punchline in the title How do you trick /r/jokes into thinking it's a repost?
What's the differnce between Donald Trump and an iPad? Trick question, you shouldn't compare apples and oranges.
How many protesters does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question. Protesters never change anything.
How many protesters does it take to change a lightbulb? **TRICK QUESTION. THEY CAN'T CHANGE ANYTHING**
What's the worst trick you can do to your blind brother? Leave the plunger in the toilet
A Spanish magician was showing a trick..
"For my next trick, I'll disappear into thin air. Uno, dos."
And he vanished without a tres!
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? That's a trick question. Feminists haven't changed anything.
A Mexican performs a magic trick. He tells the audience he'll disappear on the count of 3. He says, "Uno, dos..." and then *poof* … he disappeared without a tres!
Magician: and now for my final trick! I will disappear! Then he grabs a pear and says: you're the worst fruit ever!
Why can't you trick an aborted baby? Because it wasn't born yesterday.
Yesterday my wife taught the car a new trick. She taught it to roll over.
How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Trick question. Feminists don't change anything
It’s normal for married couples to fight. The trick is for you and your spouse to find a couple you can easily beat up.
A Spanish magician is at a party
He begins his trick for the birthday girl, grabbing a handful of magic sprinkle dust. He then begins to count, "uno, dos," POOF.
He disappeared without a tres.
Why's the leader of Russia always late? Is trick question. If Comerad Stalin appears late, it is only because we were early. All glory to mother Russia.
For my next trick I'll turn a 12 pack of beer into domestic violence.
I was just on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies. Is that a trick question?
How many magicians does it take to pull a rabbit out of a hat? One. It's a trick question.
A Mexican magician said he was going to do a magic trick. "Uno, dos..." *poof* he disappeared without a tres.
I lost 100 pounds with this one weird trick! Exercise
How do you tell the difference between Chinese and Japanese people? A Geiger counter usually does the trick
My latest trick is turning big plates into small ones. It’s saucery.
I help blind kids. Throwing acid usually does the trick.
What do you feed a feminist at a cookout? Trick question. Nobody invites feminists to a cookout.
My dad is the greatest magician of all time He did a vanishing trick over 16 years ago and still hasn't been found
My neighbor, an elderly prostitute, adopted a puppy
and asked me if I could help train it.
I told her "No sorry, you can't teach an old trick's new dog."
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?
Trick question.
They just beat the room for being black.
A man went back to a pet store fuming.
"Excuse me," he said to the pet shop owner. "That trained monkey you sold me yesterday died!"
"Wow," the owner replied. "He could never do that trick when I owned him."
This year my kids went trick or treating... Up and down our hallway.
If your kids still want to go trick o'treating for Halloween this year...
You could dress them up with a hazmat suit and gas mask.
It would be safe and appropriate for the pandemic.
Extra points for the aesthetic essence!
My grand mother is living clickbait
My GM: Do you want to see a trick
Me: Yes
My GM: Lay an orange on a plate. Take a sharp knife. Give this a try, you will be telling your friends about it.
What do you call a riddle told by a prostitute? A trick question
What do priests call trick or treating? Home Delivery.
I’ve been working on a new trick for my magic act where I get rock hard without the audience realizing it. It’s called missed erection
How do you intimidate a trick or treater?
Booooo!
You probably dont get it
How can you tell the gender of a jalapeño? That's a trick question; they're all male. A female of the species is called "jalapeña."
A boy watches a guy to cool trick in his bike “That was wheely cool” says the boy
Have you heard about this guy in Washington DC Gyms hate his one trick to burn fat.
My Dad learnt this new magic trick He showed me that he can turn a 6 pack of beer into domestic violence
What do feminists change with a light bulb? Trick question feminists can't change anything
How many protesters does it take to change the lightbulb? Its a trick question, protestors don’t change anything
Try this one trick to last longer in bed! Throw out your alarm clock.
How much protestor does it take to change a light bulb? Trick question, they don’t change anything
How do blonde jokes end? Trick question... they never do.
Little Johnny goes Trick or Treating as a pirate...
... When he gets to the house of a kind old woman, she says "Oh don't you look fierce! But tell me, where are your buccaneers?"
Johnny replies "Under my bucking hat, where else would they be?!?"
When I was little my dad always did this one magic trick. He turned a bottle of bourbon into domestic violence
What do you say to the skateboarding Guru? Hey, that trick was really Sikh!
My dad had this great magic trick he’d show us every night He’d turn a full bottle of jagermeister into domestic violence
How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? It’s a trick question! They just beat the room for being black.
Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating? They don't have any body to go out with
why do magicians pass every exam ? because of trick questions!
Wanna see a magic trick? Post you social security number in the comments below and I will make the funds in your bank account disappear!
How do you trick a blind guy? Leave the plunger in the toilet.
Why did the ghost go trick or treating on the top floor? He was in High Spirit
An ox tried to trick his friend, but he was caught and punished with the rest of the day's work. His friend replied, "The yoke's on you."
Got caught with a midget prostitute, I told the judge " Oh, that's just a little trick I picked up". Did three months...
A cop pulls over Sleepy Hollow on Halloween night.
"Why were you going so fast? Can't you see all of this traffic in front of you? A lot of trick-or-treaters are out tonight."
"Sorry officer, I was just trying to get ahead."
One simple trick to feel less nervous going to a nude beach Imagine your audience naked
If I tell you I have to kill you
A man goes with his wife to a magic show, after the magician preform an amazing trick the man shout "Bravo! Please tell him how you did it" the magician answer "if I tell you I have to kill you"
So the man said "so tell my wife".
What's a Mexican's favorite Cheap Trick song? A Texan will tell you "Surrender" but we all know it's "I Juan you to Juan me"
What did the President say to the trick or treaters on Halloween? "HOCUS POTUS!"
A redneck's truck breaks down, so he bangs on the steering wheel...
... and the truck starts.
His buddy asks, "Why does hitting things make 'em work?"
The farmer smiles, "trick we picked up from the slave days."
PRISONS HATE HIM Aaron Hernandez shows you how he dodged serving a life sentence with this handy trick
Why doesn't anyone trick or treat at Susan Rice's House? Because she unmasks them all.
A Good Dieting Trick
A good dieting trick is to use small silverware, and small plates and bowls.
This will trick your body into thinking it's a small person, thus making you shrink in size.
The magician then performed a hat trick. Nobody had expected him to be that great a bowler though.
Being a magician has made me surprisingly successful at picking up women My best trick is to make their standards... *disappear!*
This one simple trick will earn you THOUSANDS in WEEKS! Get a job.
How did the Egyptians trick their slaves into working so hard? With a pyramid scheme.
Why don't black people go on cruises? They already fell for that trick once.
I got jailed when I performed a magic trick. Apparently, when I make the kids disappear, I also have to make them reappear.
What do you call 50 feminists on a bus? Trick Question. You can't fit 50 feminists on a bus.
I feel like putting on a shirt with a huge dot and going trick or treating the day after Halloween to scare people. Cause then I'd be a late period.
Last night a kid came "trick or treating" at my place dressed as Gloria Gaynor. At first I was afraid.
Wear all red and go Trick or Treating /tomorrow/. Tell them you're their period and you're sorry for being late!
A white friend, a Mexican friend, and I go trick or treating... My white friend is Donald Trump, I'm a wall, and my Mexican friend is on the other side.
What's the oldest trick in the book? Trick #1, duh. It's at the beginning of the contents.
When do muslims go trick or treating? Allahween
I was trying to trick someone into getting the new Windows But they saw right through me
My dog had a tick once, Someone recommended i try the "lighter fluid and match" trick, it definitely worked as my dog never got a tick again. But man, I sure do miss my dog.
Why do you never see black people on cruise ships? Because they won't fall for the same trick twice
A Japanese magician does a disappearing trick
A Japanese magician does a disappearing act with his son.
They come up to the stage and the Japanese magician begins the magic trick, counting down,
Ichi, ni... And Poof he disappeared along with his san
I tried to use the bury a dog above a body trick the graveyard employee didnt let me
My mom comes up to me and says "I'm can do a magic trick"
I go, "Really? What's you magic trick?"
and my mom says she can turn a dishwasher into a snow blower.
"I can't wait to see this!" I said
So she hands me a shovel.
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