Contents
Contents
I only drink on days beginning with "T" Tuesday, Thursday, today and tomorrow
Monday: Greg Tuesday: Ian Wednesday: Greg Thursday: Ian Friday: Greg Gregorian Calendar.
I'm not an alcoholic, I only drink on days that start with letter T.
Tuesday, Thursday and Today.
Edit: Also Tomorrow.
Time Machine I bought a second hand time machine next Tuesday. They don't make them like they're going to anymore.
I bought a time machine. I bought a second hand time machine next Tuesday. They don't make them like they're going to anymore.
ATTENTION: This afternoon I will attempt to travel back in time and change history. You'll know I've succeeded if Germany loses world war II and Wednesday comes after Tuesday.
A man stumbles to his front steps late one Tuesday night...
He clumsily opens the door to be met by his furious wife.
"Drunk again?!" she asks.
He chuckles and says "Hey, me too."
On Sunday November 6th, USA will move an hour back ... ... and on Tuesday November 8th, we move back half a century.
I only drink on days that start with "T" Tuesday, Thursday, Today, Tomorrow, Thaturday, Thunday.
Happy International Women's Day! Or as I like to call it, Taco Tuesday
I bought a second hand time machine next Tuesday. They don’t make them like they’re going to anymore.
Britain's fattest man has died. The cremation will be next Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday.
I always give 100% at work
14% on Monday
30% on Tuesday
30% on Wednesday
24% on Thursday
2% on Friday
Please listen closely... Attention: Tonight I will attempt to travel back in time and change history. You'll know I've succeeded if Germany loses WWII and Wednesday comes *after* Tuesday.
I think Taco Tuesday sets a bad example for children. They need to grow up knowing that they can eat tacos every day of the week.
Why does America use Mexicans to pick our oranges? As we saw on Tuesday, it takes 1/2 of America to pick an Orange.
I went for a job interview
I went for a job interview last Tuesday and was asked to describe myself in three words.
"Violent when disappointed," I replied.
I hope to get the appointment letter on Monday.
I can't wait for Tuesday, February 22, 2022 (2/22/22). . We can call it... 2's day
So I got a nose job last Tuesday...
It's amazing what hookers will do if you tip them.
(Original joke)
I run a support group for premature ejaculators every Tuesday. Officially it starts at seven, but everyone comes early.
Nothing ruins a Friday more... ...than realizing that today is Tuesday.
My boss asked why I was already late twice this week "Because it's only Tuesday" I replied.
Scroll to the end
Monday: Greg
Tuesday: Ian
Wednesday: Greg
Thursday: Ian
Friday: Greg
Saturday: Ian
Sunday: Greg
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.
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The Gregorian calendar
The owner of the local cinema died today
His funeral is on:
Monday 16:45, 18:30, 20:15
Tuesday 15:30, 17:15, 19:00
Wednesday 16:45, 18:30, 20:15
Thursday 16:00, 17:45, 19:30
Why are 1 and 3 jealous of 2? Because it's Tuesday.
For everyone in the working world today: It's a Tuesday... ...which is like a Monday but with steel-toed boots and a slightly lower aim.
What's the worst thing about Fridays? Realizing it's only Tuesday.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Ahh, those were the days...
why was the computer late to work? because it had a hard drive! (stole it from ellen, from her classic joke tuesday)
Gregorian Calendar Monday: Greg Tuesday: Ian Wednesday: Greg Thursday: Ian Friday: Greg Saturday: Ian Sunday: Greg
Sean Spicer, United Airlines CEO and Pepsi's PR team walk into a bar... They're all getting fired, so drinking on a Tuesday is acceptable.
Today's the day where I get to eat lots and lots of chocolate. Tuesday.
Why is the calendar surprised after Tuesday? Because it goes WTF
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday... ... Those were the days.
I convinced my girlfriend to get over her fear of skydiving... Her funeral is on Tuesday.
What follows four days of rain in Seattle? Tuesday
Pancake Tuesday is quite sneaky It really crepe’d up on me this year
Give a man a hamburger . . . you will feed him for a day. Lend a man a hamburger and he will gladly pay you Tuesday.
So we're all thinking it by this point!
Fact of Life:
After Monday and Tuesday even the calendar says W T F
What do they call Call Of Duty in the middle east? Tuesday
The Melbourne Cup horse race is on again this coming Tuesday. I really hope the big goofy orange horse doesn't win.
Ruined My Day
My Friday is ruined!"
"Why, what happened?"
"I realized today is Tuesday."
I dont have a very good relationship withmy calendar After every Tuesday, it always says WTF
I phoned up the library and they said I needed to return the books by Tuesday. I said I only had ones by Jane Austen and Ernest Hemingway.
I heard Roy Moore fell off the wagon after losing on Tuesday... Several sources claim he was heard repeatedly asking for a decent 15 year old Brandy.
After 30 years of marriage, people always ask, "What's the secret of keeping the romance alive?" I always tell them...
We go to the same romantic restaurant every week, twice a week...
I go on Tuesday. She goes on Fridays.
Credit - Henny Youngman
My crush asked me to dab So I did what I had to do....Her funeral's on Tuesday
I walked into my local Fish shop with a 10lb Cod under my arm...."Do you make Fish Cakes" I said....
"We're a fish shop sir of course we do Fish Cakes" said the Fish Monger.
"ok then great" I pointed to the Cod under my arm "make him one it's his birthday on Tuesday"
I was thinking of doing yoga
So I rang the local leisure centre and they asked me "are you flexible?"
I said "yes I can do anytime except for Tuesday's"
I asked my Latina coworker if she wanted Taco Tuesday for lunch break. She said absolutely, but let's grab food first.
"What's wrong, Bubba?"
Asked the pastor
"I need you to pray for my hearing," said bubba.
The pastor puts his hands over Bubba's ears and prayed.
When he was done he asked, "So how's your hearing?"
"I don't know," said Bubba "It isn't until next Tuesday."
My wife wanted me to give up poker night with the guys, so I talked her into joining a Bridge club. She jumps next Tuesday.
Why is Sunday stronger than Tuesday? Because Tuesday is a weekday.
When's ladies' night at the Mexican restaurant? Taco Tuesday
Come this Tuesday I will no longer be a 40 year old virgin. I will be a 41 year old virgin...
What is Donald Trumps least favorite day of the week? Taco Tuesday.
Why is the American Presidential Election always on a Tuesday? Because Tuesday is choose-day.
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