Usa Jokes

Contents

Funniest Usa Jokes

What's the difference between USA and USB? One connects to your devices and accesses your data, and the other is a hardware standard.

Score: 11159

What's the difference between USA and USB? One connects to all your devices and accesses your data, and the other is a hardware standard.

Score: 6766

What's the difference between USA and USB? One has standards

Score: 3282

Good ol'e USA 18: can I buy a bottle of wine?

USA: no that's illegal & irresponsible

18: can I go $50,000 into debt for education?

USA: we encourage it

Score: 3001

What is the difference between USA and USB? One connects to all of your devices and accesses the data, the other is a hardware standard.

Score: 2188

What’s the difference between the USA and yogurt? If you leave yogurt alone for 300 years, it develops a culture.

Score: 1971

What's the difference between USA and USB? One connects to all your devices & accesses your data, and the other is a hardware standard

Score: 1637

The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies, You'd almost think the whole country was built on an ancient Indian burial ground

Score: 1413

What is the difference between USA and USB? One connects to all your devices and accesses your data, the other is a hardware standard.

Score: 923

Guys, the USA is looking pretty bad... I think its time for USB.

Score: 904

A Russian, visiting the USA, went for an eye check up A Russian, visiting the USA, went for an eye check up.

The Doctor shows the letters on the board:
CZWXNQSTAZKY

Doctor: Can you read this ?

Russian: Read ??? I even know the guy, he's my cousin.

Score: 632

What's the difference between the USA and yogurt? If you leave yogurt alone for 300 years, it'll develop a culture.

Score: 462

Why did France give the Statue of Liberty to the USA? Because the French had no use for a statue with only one hand in the air.

Score: 363

"You're the bomb" A compliment in USA.
An argument in the Middle East.

Score: 333

What's the difference between USA and USB? One connects to all your devices & access your data, and the other is a hardware standard.

Score: 281

What was so wrong with USA... ...that they had to go and make USB?

Score: 256

What's the difference between the USA and a bird? On a bird, the left wing and the right wing work together to benefit the whole bird.

Score: 242

Fu, Bu and Chu are three Chinese men. One day, they decided to move to the USA.
They also decided to change their names, as to not be discriminated against.
Chu changed his name to Chuck.
Bu changed his name to Buck.
And Fu decided to go back to China.

Score: 193

Why don't people give Melania Trump a break... Life is hard enough growing up as a black woman in the USA.

Score: 126

Why are there no knock knock jokes about the USA? Because Freedom rings

Score: 101

The last four presidents of the USA each ran one mile. Trump made a time of 11:56

Clinton was slightly faster, timing at 11:31

Obama was very fast, he ran a 10:03

But Bush did 9:11

Score: 89

On Sunday November 6th, USA will move an hour back ... ... and on Tuesday November 8th, we move back half a century.

Score: 88

His cousin A Russian, visiting the USA, went for an eye check up.

The Doctor shows the letters on the board: CZWXNQSTAZKY

Doctor: Can you read this ?

Russian: Read ??? I even know the guy, he's my cousin.

Score: 87

In the USA you can bear arms In mother Russia we arm bears

Score: 81

What's the difference between USA and USB? One connects to all devices and stores your data.

The other one is an industry standard.

Score: 71

What is the next country after USA? USB

Score: 70

What's the difference between USA and USB? One connects to all of your devices and accesses the data, the other is a hardware standard.

Score: 65

Australia is doing phenomenally on the Olympic medal tally considering our population #1. USA: 318.9 million
#2. China: 1.357 billion
#3. Japan: 173.3 million
#4. Australia: 48 as of last census

Score: 64

With all these natural disasters happening, Its almost as if the USA was built over thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

Score: 64

So much has been going wrong in the USA You would think it had been built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

Score: 55

What's the difference between USA and USB? One connects to all of your devices and stores all your data.

The other is standard hardware.

Score: 44

President of South Korea Impeached. Hopefully the USA will follow suit, and have their president deoranged.

Score: 30

What is the difference betweeen the USA and a USB One records and reads all of your personal data, and the other is a hardware standard.

Score: 17

Why did the French give USA the Statue of Liberty? Because they have no use for a statue with only one arm up.

Score: 17

A huge earthquake shook Mexico Around 3000 people died.
The world combined efforts to help Mexico during these hard times.
England gave medicine.
France sent food.
Germany made huge donations.
USA sent 3000 Mexicans to replenish the stock

Score: 14

The USA's political system You already read the joke. Go home.

Score: 13

Which country is next to USA? USB

Score: 7

Donald Trump just added the 51st State of the USA the state of "PANIC"

Score: 7

Kids in Hawaii are tough. Some say they are the toughest kids in the USA. Their play time is deadly serious. They are the world champions in 'The floor is lava'.

Score: 6

Why can't USA play chess? They lost their towers

Score: 6

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New Usa Jokes

Air Force one crashes trump and all his cabinet dies, who is saved? The USA

Score: 3

It's a shame nothing is built in the USA anymore.... Just bought a T.V. and it said, "Built in Antenna".

I don't even know where that is!!

Score: 2

News: Trump saves lives Of immigrants. By quarantining the USA.

(Just a satirical joke folks, not a political comment.)

Score: 1

Experts in the USA are suggesting a lockdown could be the only solution to the current crisis. White House officials responded by saying that they tried it, but he keeps getting out.

Score: 0

Wanna know how i fled from the USA to avoid being drafted for WW3? I ran.

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I called my friend in the USA from Australia He didn't pick up until a year later.

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I bet every single high schooler in the USA has plagerized once They all copy notes

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There is a new far right-wing green party in USA Their program : kill immigrants to make compost

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Three European contrabass players were denied access to USA at a New York airport... ...they couldn't let contraband trough customs.

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What is the most popular hockey team in the USA? I bet it's the Carolina Hurricanes, people can't stop talking about them today!

Score: 1

I refuse to play Uno with people from the USA. They take all of the green cards.

Score: 3

I was crossing the border from USA to Canada, and the border patrol Mountie asked me if I had any guns. I said, “what do you need?”

Steve Wright gets credit

Score: 2

Today Trump said that he has "one of the great memories of all time." It was the time he walked into the Miss Teen USA dressing room.

Score: 2

USA police. Police in most states in US were seen shooting at the sun for few minutes on 21st Aug 2017.

Score: 2

What country is Susan in the middle of? None, the USA is in the middle of Susan.

Score: 1

What's the difference between EA and USA? EA is trying to sell DLCs, USA is trying to steal DLCs.

Score: 3

What goes up, but doesn't come down? The USA's debt

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In USA being -on the lamb- means: :Running away from the Police, because they committed a crime.
In Wales it means...well, something else.

Score: 3

If USA invaded Canada, Russia would save them... Because they've got poutine!

Score: 4

The moment USA used drones in middle east They were spawn killing the terrorists

Score: 3

Everyone said that the Annoying Orange wouldn't get anywhere You were all wrong! He somehow became the president of the USA.

Score: 1

I texted my buddy 'you free this evening?' He texted back a selfie featuring his red, white and blue cap 'I'm free every evening'

(I know it's not your typical joke but I laughed when I got it). Have a happy and safe Independence Day, USA!

Score: 3

What are the odds of USA beating Brazil in soccer? Brazilian to one....

(credit to bill burr's monday morning podcast)

Score: 2

Whats better than USB? USA! USA! USA! USA!

Score: 1

I am a Canadian General planning the invasion of the USA We can reschedule if it is inconvenient for you guys

Score: 6

UK vs USA The UK and the US are having a battle to see who can ruin their country the fastest.
We were winning with Brexit but the US had a Trump card.
However Thereisa chance we May yet still win.

Score: 3

If I could have 2 superpowers.. I would have Russia and USA

Score: 1

Did you know that Alabama has the highest average GPA in the USA? It's got 4 A's and a B.

Score: 6

Trump's in Saudi Arabia, Israel... ... and the Vatican this week, cradles of USA's 3 great religions:

Christianity, Judaism, and Oil.

Score: 3

USA in the 90s: "Boris Yeltsin is the worst leader possible!" USA 2016: "Hold my beer"

Score: 3

Why does USA have hard time competing in chess tournaments? They are missing two towers

Score: 2

I don't think Santa would be able to visit USA this year! After all, Donald Trump hates them with beards!

Score: 2

California, Oregon, and Washington are seceding from the USA. ...and joining our neighbors to the North to form the...
Federated Union of Canadians, Kingdoms, Territories, and Regencies Under Mutual Protection

Score: 2

What is the difference between North Korea and the USA? One political party.

Score: 1

What was the precursor to USB? USA

Score: 3

Democratic Difrence Between Usa & India Democratic Difrence Between Usa & India. In Usa U Can Kiss In A Public Place But Can’t Susu. In India U Can Susu In Public Place But Cant Kiss.

Score: 1

Michael Phelps will be the flag bearer for the 2016 USA Olympic Team I hope he holds our flag high.

Score: 4

the USA was the first to leave the EU before it was too mainstream

Score: 1

What saying is discouraged in both the USA and North Korea? The South Will Rise Again

Score: 1

What is the real difference between USA and USB? At least USB gets it right on the third try.

Score: 3

The USA is changing to the metric system... Inch by inch

Score: 5

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