Hilarious Virus Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Virus Jokes

I like my women like i like my computer Turned on
On my lap
Virus free

Score: 5299

I like my women how I like my computer. On my lap.
Turned on.
Virus free.

Score: 2410

I like my woman like I like my Laptop On my lap , turned on ,Virus free

Score: 2123

With the Zika virus and how much hooking up happens in the Olympic Village.. The Special Olympics are gonna be awesome in 12 to 14 years.

Score: 1369

I recently bought my pet duck a mask, to protect it from corona virus... It’s nothing flashy, but it fits the bill

Score: 932

I accidentally clicked on a "You've won an iPhone"-popup. Luckliy it was only a virus.

Score: 720

Score: 602

My computer has a virus that causes unblockable popups and constantly demands my personal information... ...it's called Norton

Score: 477

So I got a virus on my computer And the thing is, I didn't do anything and it just disappeared.

Must have ransomware.

Score: 213

What do you call a virus that affects the command line? Terminal Illness

Score: 167

Which one of these is a deadly virus? A. Bola

B. Bola

C. Bola

D. Bola

E. Bola

Score: 124

Which of these is a deadly virus? A) Bola
B) Bola
C) Bola
D) Bola
E) Bola

Score: 123

Ebola causes headaches, feelings of nausea and is very difficult to get rid of. Is it a virus or a free U2 album?

Score: 120

Fix a man's computer, and he will be virus-free for a day. Teach a man to fix his computer, and he will be virus-free for a day.

Score: 89

Computer virus are no joke I used to have a girlfriend but she ransomware.

I WannaCry now... ;(

Score: 78

What do you call a virus that affects your command-line? A Terminal Illness.

Score: 75

I installed anti-virus on my PC Now the damned thing has autism.

Score: 67

Have you heard about that new virus that is devastating the bird population? It’s called Chirpies.

What’s most heartbreaking about it is that it’s...

untweetable.

Score: 55

What's the easiest way to get a little head? The Zika virus.

Score: 48

Did you hear about the virus that only infected children's computers? Yeah I thought it was just a pdf-file.

Score: 39

Great news that anti-virus mogul turned fugitive John McAfee has finally been captured. They estimate the trial could last 30 days.

Score: 33

If you get an email that says "Find out what everyone is talking about in 2020" don't open it. it's a virus.

Score: 24

What do the Zika virus and Catholic priests have in common? They both give kids a little head.

Score: 22

Chuck Norris tested positive for COVID-19. The virus is now in quarantine for two weeks.

Score: 21

The inventor if the anti-virus software has been charged with murder. They expect the trial to last 30 days

Score: 20

I have read that symptoms of the Covid19 virus can include loss of smell and taste. Well I don't know about your sense of smell.... But judging by your hair and clothes I think you might've had this disease for quite some time.

Score: 18

During the corona virus lockdown I've lost 95kgs I'm ganna miss the wife and kids

Score: 17

The one good thing about having a kid with Zika virus... even if he achieves major success in life, he'll never get a big head.

Score: 13

Scientists have recently discovered a virus that increases the apathy of those infected. No one seems to care.

Score: 11

I make over $1,000,000 a month cleaning windows... I invented Norton Anti-Virus...

Score: 11

It took some time for every country to have the corona virus but China got it right off the bat

Score: 9

What do the Zika Virus and Catholic Priests have in common? They're both giving kids a little head all over Latin America.

Score: 9

Who do you call during a Zika virus emergency? The SWAT team

Score: 9

Getting an STD is like downloading a virus... ...but getting married is like downloading ransomware.

Score: 7

Hey girl, are you one of the hot singles in my area from the ads? Because you look like you'll give me some form of virus

Score: 6

Hey girl, are you one of the hot singles in my area that I saw in an ad? Because you look like you'll give me some form of virus

Score: 4

I like my women like my laptop... On my lap, turned on, virus-free, and hot.

Score: 4

Melania Trump getting CoronaVirus from Donald Trump is proof that the virus still spreads even when you do your best to avoid all forms of physical contact and stay 6 feet away from the infected at all times

Score: 3

how did joe smuggle a virus? he flu.

Score: 3

Newly the elephant has been diagnosed with the Corona virus... When asked where she caught it from...

"TRUMP,TRUMP,TRUMP," she replied

Score: 2

New Virus Jokes

What do you call it when a virus makes fun of you? Diss-infected.

Score: 2

Scientist's have found an easy way to check for the Corona Virus. Check the palms of your hand for small hairs growing.
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Ha Ha Ha!!!!! Gotcha....

Score: 1

This Just in: Casinos in Vegas are hoping to be open by Memorial Day. “I’m really excited to get back to work!” Said, the Corona Virus.

Score: 0

I took my dog Zoe to the vet today for a stanky leg and the vet said her temperature was a bit high. I asked, "Is it the covfefe k9 virus?" She laughed, I laughed! The dog coughed...

Score: 0

Meeting anyone is dangerous now You never know, they might be a virus link

Score: 0

As the Corona virus seems to be more severe now then in recent weeks, governments said that at the end of april Begins may

Score: 0

I'm gonna start calling my ex's cooch the Corona virus Cause its spreads fast and wide,and most of the country is probably gonna get it by the time its done.

Score: 0

Communist Party of China: Wuhan virus? \*Lies about the outbreak till a global pandemic occurs\*

Communist Party of China: No, OUR virus.

Score: 0

Why has Mexico not been effected by the virus? Because a Corona a day keeps the virus away

Score: 0

Scientists have made a suprising discovery that there is a direct correlation between colder weather in conjunction with the Corona virus epidemic... and increase in number of ninjas on the streets.

Score: 0

Be careful of the DUI check points during the virus outbreak there's one in the kitchen and one in the hallway.

Score: 0

I think I have fallen for Corona Virus It took my breath away.

Score: 0

What do you call it when Quentin Terrantino gets the virus and has to go in a Quarantine? Quarantino LOL

Score: 1

In mother russia, you don't get corona virus. Corona virus gets YOU.

...wait..

Score: 0

it’s 2020, the world’s oceans are choked with plastic waste. nature creates a novel virus to curb humanity. humanity’s response: quick, let’s wrap everything in plastic!

Score: 0

My English teacher banned me from using apostrophies. She doesn't want me to contract the C'rona Virus.

Score: 0

Just received sad news that President Trump might have contracted the Corona Virus. But no need to worry... I’m confident COVID-19 will get better soon.

Score: 0

How do gream reapers protect themselves from the Corona virus? They mummify themselves.

Score: 0

Instagram influencers are like a virus They should be called influenzers

Score: 0

Trump sends troops home from the Middle East Due to fear of corona virus infections

Score: 0

As an undertaker, I offer a 50% discount for corona virus victims. However, no coughin' at the funeral! \*coffin, sorry.

Score: 0

Had Corona virus occurred prior to 1997 and the Chinese covered it up It would have been called the Italian Flu instead of the Wuhan virus.

Score: 0

I had a sandwich for lunch that made me sick I think I have bologna virus.

Score: 0

So they postponed the new James Bond Guess they’re giving the corona virus...

Time to Die

Score: 0

Amazon employee in Seattle confirmed to have the virus So the rest of us can get it by tomorrow, if we order within the next 2 hours!

Score: 0

There are no reported cases of the Corona Virus in North Korea. They must have really healthy people.

Score: 0

For my cake day... Q: What do you call a baker with the corona virus? A: Coughee cake maker.

Score: 0

How does a hungover Mexican call in sick to work? "Tengo el Corona virus."

Score: 0

Y’all better be staying away from the sun I’ve been hearing something about a corona virus

Score: 0

Based on the reports of all the different creatures being eaten that could have been the source of the corona virus, what would be the smallest section in the Wuhan Yellow Pages? Pest control companies.

Score: 0

How did the flu virus get rich? It joined Instagram & "Viral Instagram Influenza" sold tons of infected bath water.

Score: 1

A joke for those who are not exactly tech savvy. Your computer and/or phone is now infected with a dangerous virus. Comment your personal info to receive instructions on how to remove.

Score: 1

Alert! Widespread, paralyzing, life-consuming, pandemic virus!! Norton.

Score: 2

What did the virus say to the bacteria? Looks like our pathogens have crossed.

Score: 1

Reincarnation A virus boasted to the crowd. "In a past life I was a fly!"

A heckler shouted, "and now you're a flu!"

Score: 2

I was having dinner celebrating my wifes pregnancy and she asked "How many vegetables would you like dear?" I said "One please"
She said " Perfect because I've contracted the Zika virus"

Score: 1

What do Catholic priests and the Zika Virus have in common? They both give kids a little head.

Score: 1

Which anti-virus software do pirates prefer? Avast, ye scurvy dogs!

Score: 2