2018 Jokes

2013: Didn't jog - 2014: Didn't jog - 2015: Didn't jog - 2016: Didn't jog - 2017: Didn’t jog - 2018: Didn’t jog - 2019: Still haven’t jogged This is a running joke

Why is Trump excited Russia was banned from the 2018 Winter Olympics? It makes it easier to decide who to cheer for

The salt packet says it was created from a 250 million year old Himalayan rock salt bed The label says the expiry date is June 2018.

I'm so glad they dug it up just in time

I was in the library the other day when a black man came up to me and asked me where the colored printers were? I replied, "Dude, it's 2018, you can use whatever printer you want."

I'm going to buy a 6k monitor for 2018 It's my new year's resolution.

After 23 school shootings in 2018 We did it. We finally banned straws.

The evolution of tide pods In 2017 tids pods cleaned clothes but in 2018 it cleans the gene pool

I was standing in a library And a black dude walks up to me and asked if i knew where the colored printer was. I told him "dude, it's almost 2018, use any printer you want."

If some part of your job feels utterly pointless, remember Putin campaigned for the 2018 elections.

A black guy in a library asked me where the coloured printer was. I replied, "Mate, it's 2018... You can use any printer you want!"

Parents in 1998: Don't believe everything you read on the internet Parents in 2018: Did you know that dogs will die if you feed them ice cubes?

The Trump Years in a Nutshell 2016: Trump doesn't stand a chance.
2017: Trump's still trying?
2018: "Hey, are you guys going to watch the hunger games tonight? I hope my district wins"

iPhone's from the future. 2016: iPhone 7=no headphone jack

2017: iPhone 8=no battery

2018: iPhone 9=no screen

2019: iPhone 10=no phone at all, just pay Apple $1000

1848: You Have Died of Dysentery 2018: You Have Died From Having To Pump Your Own Gas

So 2018 is the Chinese year of the dog... Looks like it's gonna be ruff

Walmart announced the closing of 175 stores in 2018 Putting 12 cashiers out of work

"When I see Donald Trump..." - Edinburgh Fringe 2018 When I see Donald Trump I get the same thought in my head as I get after a particularly painful bikini wax.

Bush wasn’t that bad.

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Angela Barnes, Pleasance Courtyard, 7.15pm


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It's almost 2018! My New Year's revolution is to proofread more.

I was studying in the library today when a black guy came up to me and asked me where the colored printers were. I replied: "Dude, it's 2018, you can use whatever printer you want."

My grandfather was arrested numerous times for selling a phony life lengthening drug... Once in 1888, again in 1922, a third time in 1954, and another time in January 2018

2016 Denial 2017 Anger

2018 Bargaining

2019 Depression

2020 Acceptance

Russian Elections Ministry of Russian election announcement: Elections of Vladimir Putin will commence as planned in 2018.

My crush has a lot in common with the 2018 Chevrolet Camero’s 0% APR financing plan There’s no interest 😎

I hate it when people talk about their 'spirit animals' It's 2018, you can say fursona.

The 2018 STAR WARS movie isn't part of a trilogy... ...it's a Solo film

Which country brought the most competitors to the 2018 Winter Olympics? Brazil. They brought 8 Brazilian athletes.

What did the Helsinki Summit have in common with the 2018 World Cup? Nobody was playing for the USA.

How to turn on a phone in 2018 With a finger or a facial

Happy New Year #2018 first.

Why will the 2018 world cup in Russia be so cold? There's no Chile in it.

An African American guy in College ... Asks a white dude:
- Hey man where’s the color printer?
Dude replies:
- Man, it’s 2018, you can use any printer you want!

I will do something good for my country in year 2018 I will leave the country.

2018 kids won't get this Club penguin

My 2018 health insurance premiums went up 40% but I'll be paying 30% less than the previous year. Because I won't have any money left for food or rent so I'll probably die half way through the year.

Coming out of the closet in 2018 Mom.. Dad.... I have to tell you something and you may not like it.... sometimes when I visit the neighbor boy... we lock the door to his room.. and watch the NFL

What do you call 23 men watching the World Cup 2018? The Scotland National Team.

Music in 2018 is like candy Throw away the wrappers!

In 1970 they said that in 30 years we'd be vacationing on the moon. It's 2018 and instead we're talking about vacationing on Mars some day.

Mid 2018 me: So who’s the DLC Characters for Smash Bros Ultimate? Present Me: Let’s just say you’ll never see it coming