Hilarious Alphabet Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Alphabet Jokes

Your mom is so fat she starts the alphabet with the letter "O"... O B C D...

Score: 17833

Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an "i" in it. Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence with an 'i' in it.

Johnny: I is...

Teacher: No, Johnny, when you say 'i', it should be followed by 'am'

Johnny: Okay, I am the 9th letter of the alphabet

Score: 15785

I'm really good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know why.

Score: 12584

My mum used to feed me alphabet soup when I was a kid She insisted on me telling everyone that I loved it.

I didn't really, she was just putting words in my mouth

Score: 9475

Teacher: Use a sentence that starts with "I" Bobby: I is...

Teacher: No, Bobby. You should say "I am", never "I is".

Bobby: I am the 9th letter of the alphabet.

Score: 6286

Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"???? Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the....
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Score: 2068

When I noticed "HI" in the alphabet I thought I had made a new friend But then I saw the next two letters.

Score: 1935

Why can't pirates learn the alphabet? Because they spend years at C.

Score: 1919

Getting drunk at the bar the other night when the bar tender yelled out "Does anyone here know CPR?" I was feeling pretty good so i yelled back "I do, in fact i know the whole alphabet!" Everybody in the entire bar laughed..........except for one guy.

Score: 1828

Why is the letter "C" afraid of the rest of the alphabet? Because all the other letters are Not-Cs

Score: 1645

Fun fact: Betsy Devos' name contains every letter of the alphabet that she knows of.

Score: 1412

Why is the letter “C” afraid of the rest of the alphabet? Because all the other letters are Not-Cs.

Score: 1385

Why was E the only letter in the alphabet to get Christmas presents? Because the rest of the letters are not-E.

Score: 1279

What a pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet? None of them. Historians suggest that most pirates would have been illiterate.

Score: 1152

When I noticed "HI" in the alphabet, I thought someone was actually going to be my friend. Then I saw the next two letters...

Score: 1026

When I saw the letters "HI" in the alphabet, I thought someone wanted to be my friend. Then I saw the next two letters.

Score: 946

When I was little, my dad used to feed me alphabet soup, claiming that I loved it I didn't really; he was just putting words in my mouth.

Score: 934

Why do pirates take so long to learn the alphabet? Because they often spend years at C

EDIT: made it more punny

Score: 756

I was at a restaurant.... and the the waitress yelled "Does anyone know CPR?!".
I replied "I actually know the whole alphabet."
Everyone laughed except for this one guy.

Score: 734

Score: 726

I like 25 letters of the alphabet But I love u

Score: 717

I am friends with 25 letters of the alphabet I don't know y

Score: 661

Teacher: tell me a sentence that starts with an "I" Teacher: tell me a sentence that starts with an "I"

Student: I is the...

Teacher: stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".

Student: okay! I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Score: 601

I'm good friends with 25 letters of the alphabet... I don't know why.

Edit: I'm thrilled at the response! I should say this is an original joke from British comedian Chris Turner.

Score: 571

When I noticed “HI” in the alphabet, I thought someone was actually going to be my friend... Then I saw the next two letters...

Score: 546

I am friends with 25 letters from the alphabet I don't know y

EDIT: Credits to Chris Turner.

Score: 485

Why was C afraid of every other letter in the alphabet? Because all the other letters were not-C’s

Score: 348

Dad joke level grandpa: Why are the first 25 letters of the alphabet fascist? Because they're not-z's.

Score: 333

I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet; I don't know why.

Score: 274

I was in a bar last night when a waitress screamed... "Does anyone know CPR?"
"I know all the letters of the alphabet" I shouted back.
Everyone laughed.........well except this one guy.

Score: 256

I was at a bar the other day, when all of a sudden, the bartender yelled... "Does anyone know CPR!?"

I yelled back, "I know the whole alphabet!" and everyone laughed and laughed and laughed.

Well, except for this one guy.

Score: 242

I walk into a bar... ... And the waitress runs up to me and says. Please tell me you know CPR. I said, "LADY! not only that I know the whole alphabet". The whole bar was laughing, all except one guy...

Score: 118

Why are the first 25 letters of the alphabet fascist? Because they're not-z's

Score: 110

I just sneezed while eating alphabet soup... ...took the words right out of my mouth.

Score: 104

I was sitting in a diner waiting order, when I hear, "Does anyone know CPR?"

I said, "I know the entire alphabet!"

We all laughed and laughed...except one guy.

Score: 99

I just ate four cans of alphabet soup... ...and just had the largest vowel movement ever.

Score: 85

What’s is a Pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet? Some believe it’s R but his true love is the C.

Score: 60

Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I" - Funny Joke Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".
Student: I is the...
Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".
Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Score: 54

Why can't pirates say the alphabet? Becuase they get lost at the "c"

Score: 50

Why does it take pirates forever to learn the alphabet? Because they spend years at C

Score: 46

New Alphabet Jokes

What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet? Arrrr, aye aye, and the seven seas

Score: 2

What's the one thing that can help if you've eaten too much Alphabet Soup? A vowel movement.

Score: 2

Why does Ed Sheeran fantasize about the 21st letter of the alphabet? Because he is in love with the shape of u

Score: 1

Why do Canadian School Teachers bring pain killers before teaching the alphabet? Because E is always sore

Score: 2

Why did the alphabet put the letter D in a mental institution? Cuz D’s nuts.

Score: 4

My parents were always putting words in my mouth growing up, I will never eat alphabet soup again

Score: 3

When I was in kindergarten, I liked the shape of the seventh letter of the alphabet so much, I would just stare at the one on the class poster and poke at it. My teacher would whisper *"Prodigy..."*

Score: 5

I was at a crowded bar the other day When a man fell down and stopped breathing.

The waitress yelled out “does anybody know CPR?”

I yelled back “I do! I know the entire alphabet!”

We all laughed and laughed. Well, except for that one guy.

Score: 6

What is Paul McCartney’s favorite letter of the alphabet? Letter B, letter B, letter B yeah letter B.

Score: 5

Yo momma so fat the starts the alphabet with O OBCD

Score: 2

A man was having a heart attack at a bar When a patron yelled out, "Does anyone know CPR", the place went silent, then a drunk at the back yelled out "I do... I even know the whole alphabet". Everybody laughed. Well except for this one guy.

Score: 17

ANYONE KNOWS CPR? I was at a bar the other day when all of a sudden, the bartender yelled, "ANYONE KNOWS CPR?"

I yelled back, "I KNOW THE ENTIRE ALPHABET", and everyone laughed and laughed and laughed.

Well, except for this one guy.

Score: 2

What are the most musical letters of the alphabet? P and O

Score: 13

I’m putting a performance on Broadway... It’s called The Alphabet: A Play On Words.

Score: 2

I’m friends with 25 letters in the alphabet I don’t know y

Score: 4

Why are the first 25 letters of the alphabet fascist? Because they are not-zs

Score: 16

One Million Copies of a new book sold in just 2 days Due to a typing error of just 1 alphabet in title

Title of Book : "An idea can change your wife"

Score: 2

What is the laziest, most apathetic letter in the alphabet? Lethargy.

Score: 3

Two preschoolers take a test on the alphabet After the test, one says to the other, "look! I got a b, c?"

Score: 2

A guy says, "Obstetricians named Juan can't seem to learn the whole alphabet." His friend replies, "Why??"

"I dunno. For some reason they always get stuck at B."

"That's ridiculous. O.B. Juan can know 'B'"

I'll show my self out.

Score: 9

If I could rearrange the alphabet... I would put I C U P together.

Credit to Beavis and Butthead.

Score: 1

Why couldn't the pirate finish learning the alphabet? He got lost at sea

Score: 9

Why couldn't the pirate finish the alphabet? Because he always got lost at "sea".

Score: 4

I just bought a JVC LCD 4K 3D UHD TV. The rest of the alphabet was out of stock.

Score: 1

Did you know there's only 25 letters in the Braille alphabet? They can't c.

Score: 34

Why can't the pirates learn the alphabet? Because they spend a long time at c.

Score: 3

I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet... I don't even know Y

Score: 14

ISIS has reportedly starting putting bombs in cans of alphabet soup If any go off, it could spell disaster

Score: 36

What is a pirates' favorite letter? Pirates are illiterate, most don't know the alphabet.

Score: 3

Why do Canadians have free alphabet healthcare? Because of all their sore E's

Score: 4

I was at a bar the other day .. when all of a sudden, the bartender yelled, "ANYONE KNOWS CPR?"
I yelled back, "I KNOW THE ENTIRE ALPHABET", and everyone laughed and laughed and laughed.

Well, except for this one guy.

Score: 24

I read that the Icelandic alphabet doesn't have a 'Z' in it. How do the people there sleep at night?

Score: 2

How can you get stung by the alphabet? A bee. See?

Score: 13

An Idea can change your wife One million copies of new book just sold in two days due to typing error of just one alphabet in the title

Score: 5

I ate three cans of alphabet soup for dinner... I had a really good vowel movement the next day.

Score: 21

The alphabet is a joke. It says HI and then JK and then NO.

Score: 5

Wife One Million copies of a new book sold in just 2 days due to a typing error of just 1 alphabet in it's title;

"An idea that can change you wife"

Score: 2

The Canadian Alphabet Ay through Zed, eh?

Score: 1

This mnemonic joke helps you remember the alphabet... Acronym

Based

Comedy

Doesn't

Ever

Feel

Good

Honestly,

I

Just

Keep

Lamenting

My

Negative

Opinion,

Perhaps

Questioning

Reality

Serves

The

Universe

Very

Well

...

Xylophone, yak, zebra.

Score: 12

I'm very good friends with 25 letters from the alphabet I still don't know why, though.

Score: 17

Why can't the Pirate make it through the Alphabet? He always gets lost at C.

Score: 2

Why did Hitler like only 25 letters of the alphabet? Because they were not z's.

Score: 4

Why does it take so long for a pirate to learn the alphabet? He's been stuck at "C" for years...

Score: 1

I am a friend with 25 letters of the Alphabet. I don't know why.

Score: 19

What are the first 25 letters in the German alphabet? I don't know, but it's definitely NOT Z

Score: 2

How does a musician spell the alphabet? CDEFGABHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

Score: 1

I am great friends with 25 letters of the alphabet... ...I don't know Y.

Score: 11

What is your favourite alphabet? A teacher asks her class what their favourite letter is. A student puts up his hand and says 'G'. The teacher walks over to him and says, "Why is that, Angus?"

Score: 9

Why do pirates not know the alphabet? They always get stuck at "c."

Score: 2

The English Teacher in India Teacher: Tell me a sentence that starts with an "I".

Student: I is the....

Teacher: Stop! Never put 'is' after an "I". Always put 'am' after an "I".

Student: OK. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

Score: 9

I was in a restaurant when... A man asked 'Who knows CPR?'

And I said, 'I know all the letters of the alphabet!'

And we all laughed,

And laughed,

And laughed,

Except one guy

Score: 13

So i was at this bar And the bar tender yelled "Does anyone know CPR!?" I yelled back "Yeah I do, and I know the rest of the alphabet too!" Everybody in the bar laughed....Except one guy.

Score: 5

Why is there only 25 letters in the alphabet during Christmas? Noel.

Score: 2

Some idiot asked me what the 27th letter of the Arabic alphabet is... And all I could say was, "Wow".

Score: 4

Chemistry joke involving the alphabet A B C D E F G H I J K Phosphorus Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Why is there a Phosphorus? Because its an EL EM EN TAL P!

Score: 2

Sobriety test Cop: You been drinking?
Me: No.
Cop: Say the alphabet backwards.
Me: Alphabet the.
Cop: Hilarious. Say each letter.
Me: Each letter.

Score: 1

Bathroom Boy: Can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: Only if you can say the alphabet Boy: OK abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz Teacher: Where's the p? Boy: "Half way down my leg.

Score: 1

Did you know that there were only 25 letters in the alphabet during World War 2? There were not Z's.

Score: 3

I told my neighbor with a cute daughter this joke today and it's killing him. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?

Because they spend years at 'C'

Score: 2

What does the beginning of the German alphabet start with? Not Z.

Score: 2