Hilarious Astronaut Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Astronaut Jokes

Astronaut 1: "I can't find any milk for my coffee" Astronaut 2: "In space no-one can. Here, use cream"

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Astronaut 1: hey I can't find any milk for my coffee Astronaut 2: In space, no one can. Here, use cream.

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A woman astronaut.. A woman astronaut calls her base:
-Houston we have a problem.
-What is it?
-Nothing...

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I wanted to be an astronaut when I was a kid, but my mom told me the sky is the limit.

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How do you calm down an astronaut? Give him some space

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Overcome with the beauty of the Earth from space, the astronaut removed his helmet The view was breathtaking

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What's a specimen? An Italian astronaut :-D

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My wife left me to become an astronaut... she needed Space

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If you're an astronaut.. and you don't end every relationship with "I need space" then you're just wasting your time

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Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.

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Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? He needed space.

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What do they tell people who flunk out of astronaut academy? "The sky's the limit for you".

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An astronaut says to his friend: 'I can't find any milk for my coffee' The friend replies 'In space, no one can. Here, use cream.'

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What did the astronaut say to his girlfriend? I need space.

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What's a specimen? An Italian astronaut!



Get it...?

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What is a specimen? An Italian astronaut.

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Why is being an astronaut such an easy job? No pressure.

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What's a specimen? Mama mia, it's an Italian astronaut!

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two astronauts are in the ISS cafeteria astronaut 1: i can’t find the milk for my coffee
astronaut 2: in space, no one can. here, use cream

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How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep? You rocket

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When I was a child, my father would always tell me, "The sky's the limit!" He was never supportive of my dreams to become an astronaut.

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How did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? "I just need some space."

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How do you tie your spaceship to the dock? With an astronaut.

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An astronaut and an alien walk into a space bar... The astronaut doesn't say anything to the alien.

The alien doesn't say anything to the astronaut.

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Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? He needed some space.

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What part of the computer the astronaut likes the most? A space bar.

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Why did the astronaut refuse to return home to see his girlfriend? He needed more space.

(In case you're running low on dad jokes!)

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What do you call a black guy in space? An astronaut you racist

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What did the astronaut say to his girlfriend when he broke up with her? I need some space.

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I left my girlfriend to become an astronaut. I told her I just needed space.

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A cosmonaut's sob story I always knew that I wanted to be as astronaut , even when I was a little boy. However, I knew my father would not be supportive of me because he would always tell me "The sky's the limit!"

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Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"? Wouldn't it be more fitting if it was asteroids, I mean think about it instead of being a proctologist you would be a astronaut.

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I started dating an astronaut. It happened out of nowhere. I did not planet.

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Did you hear about the deaf astronaut? Neither did he.

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Three men are talking about cars. The first man says, “I’m an astronaut, so I drive a Saturn.”

The second man says, “Well, I’m a pimp, so I drive a cheap Escort.”

The third man says, “I have the both of you beat. I’m a proctologist, so I drive a brown probe.”

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When I was young I told my dad I wanted to be an astronaut... He said, " The sky's the limit."

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I wanted to be an Astronaut but my parents told me, "Sky's the limit".

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What's the difference between an astronaut and a deep sea diver? The pressure.

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What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut you f*cking racist

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New Astronaut Jokes

My girlfriend is telling everyone that I am an astronaut. I knew shouldn’t have said that I needed some space.

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Astronaut 1: Hey I can't find the milk for my coffee. Astronaut 2: In space no one can, here use cream.

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Why could the female dog astronaut not have puppies? Because of the Spays Shuttle

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My girlfriend left me to be an astronaut Said she needed space

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What will an astronaut say to his girlfriend to break up with her? "I need some space!"

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Want to hear a confusing joke? Astronaut 1: "I can't find any milk for my coffee"
Astronaut 2: "In space no-one can. Here, use cream"

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What did the astronaut programmer say when he came back to Earth? Hello world.

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Why your astronaut friend is so upset? He just needed a little space.

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What's the difference between an astronaut and a normal person? A normal person does spacial geometry while astronauts do geometry in space

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How does an astronaut get their baby to sleep? They rocket.

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How do you get a baby astronaut to sleep? Rocket

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Why was the astronaut's diary blank? It was filled with space.

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What did the astronaut say after breakfast? What's for launch?

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When does a astronaut eat? At launch time.

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What did one astronaut pinworm say to the other? Let’s explore Uranus.

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Did you hear about Kim Jong Un's late uncle who was a renown Astronaut? Some say he was North Korea's best naut.

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If I was to ever fulfil my life-long dream and become an astronaut I'd be over the moon!

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How does an astronaut deal with his growing hair? Eclipse it!

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If an athlete can get athlete's foot, what can an astronaut get? I have no idea.. my 6th grade teacher asked us this and never told us the answer and it's been haunting me for 30 years. Any guesses?

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What do you call a drunk astronaut? Bud-light-beer

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Why did the Astronaut Leave School? He was taking up too much space.

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Astronaut Scot Kelly grew 2 inches after being in space for a year You'd think they'd be doing more important stuff in space other than measuring their weenies.

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What do you call an astronaut who is crushed in space? Space Jam

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When you die, we will give you an astronaut funeral Where we give you tons of space by not showing up.

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What do you get when you cross an astronaut and a witch? Buzz Cauldron

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My friend wanted to become an astronaut So I told him that the sky was the limit.

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Did you hear about the astronaut who broke up with his girlfriend before a mission? He said, "I just need a little space."

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What did one astronaut say to the other? Stop mooning me, I can see Uranus.

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What is a black man on the moon called? An astronaut you racist

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Why was the delinquent astronaut sleep deprived all the way to Mars? He was waiting for night to go to sleep.

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I went to Kennedy Space Center to become an astronaut, but the scientists were not very supportive. They just said things like, "You're not qualified" and "Why are you naked?" and "I CAN'T CATCH HIM HE'S COVERED IN BABY OIL."

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What's a drunk astronaut's favorite key on his keyboard? The spacebar.

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When Trump was a kid wanted to be an astronaut when he grew up... ...but all he was able to accomplish was the first syllable.

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What do you call an astronaut that doesn't like being touched? A personal space man

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Why is it hard dating an astronaut? Because they have space issues.

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Can I get help with the puchline on a joke? What did the penguin say to the astronaut?

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