Axe Jokes

I saw a guy today with soot all over his face carrying a large pick axe and wearing a royal blue hardhat that matched his overalls. But these are just miner details.

A lumberjack went into a magical forest to cut down a tree. Just as he began to swing his axe at a tree, the tree called out, "Wait! I'm a talking tree!"





The lumberjack grinned, "And you will dialogue!"

I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth... and now I talk with a strange Axe scent.

Just tried to kill a roach with Axe body spray. Now it’s name is Brett, and he won’t shut up about CrossFit.

Friends are a lot like trees They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

Friends are like trees They fall down when you hit them with an axe

Friends are like trees. If you chop them down with an axe they will die.

Little Johnny's teacher asks "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Do any of you know why his father didn't punish him?"

Little Johnny replies, "Because George was the one holding the axe!"

What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

Friends are like trees... They fall down when you hit them multiple times with an axe.

What's the difference between a Scotsman and a high school jock? One has a strong accent, and the other has a strong Axe scent.

Ninja Joke Can a viking throw an axe?
Sure he can.
Can a cowboy throw a lasso?
Sure he can.
Can a ninja throw a spinning blade?
Shuriken.

I came home to find an axe buried in my pc I think it has been hacked

Just tried to kill a roach with axe body spray... ...now his name is Brett and he won't shut up about cross-fit.

I was disappointed when it turned out the axe I bought to climb with was useless for the job... it was an anti-climb axe

Turns out there are TWO Loch Ness Monsters. One of them is quite mean, but the other actually gives away his forestry tools. A little weird, sure, but it's always nice to see some random axe of Kind Ness.

Why did the ant name its middle segment "Stormbreaker"? Because that was its Thor axe.

I killed a dentist with an axe but only got charged with manslaughter. My lawyer said it was an axe-a-dental death.

What do best friends and trees have in common? They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.

What did Wolverine use to cut down trees before he got the adamantium treatment? He used a huge axe, man.

"Son, where did you learn to use an axe like that?" "In the Sahara Forest"

"Don't you mean the Sahara Desert"

"Well sir, that's what they call it now"

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Cutting your toe off with an axe

Friends are a lot like trees... They fall down when hit multiple times with an axe

Fill in the blank: Friends are like_____ mine is "Friends are like trees, if you hit them with an axe they fall over."

Friends are a lot like trees... They fall down when they are hit with an axe multiple times.

If I was an executioner, I'd prefer to use an axe It'd be easier to get ahead.

What do people and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

How do you make... How do you make a dead baby float?
With a scoop of ice cream.

How do you make a dead baby shake?
Cup of milk
2 cups of fruit
A dead baby and a blender

How do you make a dead baby split?
A sharp axe and a strong swing.

OJ's son must have been the murderer.... ... because when he went to OJ that night to borrow his car keys, OJ said, "..go aXe your mother"

Little Ahmed is doing his biology homework. He comes upon a question: "What separates the head from the body?"

Ahmed answers: "The axe"

Funny comeback from a student TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father’s
cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his
father didn’t punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

A good friend is like a tree Hit them with an axe and they fall down.

I didn't know where my axe was... and then it hit me.

The thing I like about the dark is You could be standing in front of an axe murderer and not know it until you’re chopped up or you take your schizophrenia medicine.

What's a lumberjack's favorite TV show? The Axe-Files

I have an axe that was once owned by George Washington. My great-great grandfather had to replace the handle. And my grandfather had to replace the blade, but it's Washington's axe.

I had an axe that once belonged to Abraham Lincoln... The head was replaced once and the handle twice but I got documented proof it belong to Abraham Lincoln.

My Dad once used Axe Black but He never came back :'(

I was wondering where my axe had gone Then it hit me.