Hilarious Beef Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Beef Jokes

What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Yo momma.

Score: 14483

Why you can't use 'Beef Stew' as a password.. Because is not stroganoff

Score: 2027

A dark skinned lady named Betty goes to the butcher and asks for some beef. The butcher replies: "Nooooo Black Betty, ham or lamb!"

Score: 1569

McDonald's tried to create a beef version of the McRib, but failed. Hopefully, they learned from their McSteaks.

Score: 982

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef!!!!! What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom.

Score: 762

Score: 645

People make such a big deal about vegans, but I don't get it. I've never had a beef with one.

Score: 513

So an African woman named Betty walked into a butcher and asked if they had beef. The Butcher replied "No, Black Betty, ham or lamb."

Score: 505

Hindus are so chilled out. They never have beef with anyone.

Score: 488

Why can't you use "beef stew" as a password? Because it's not stroganoff.

Score: 308

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

Lean Beef

What do you call a cow with 2 legs?

Your mother

Score: 277

Russian computer: "Enter password" Me: "Beef stew"

Russian computer: "Password not stroganoff"

Score: 277

Why is ground beef so popular? Because the flying cows are really hard to catch.

Score: 237

I don’t quite understand this hate against vegans. I’ve never had a beef with them.

Score: 234

If a mass of beef fat is 'tallow', and mass of pig fat is 'lard', what is a mass of human fat called? 'American'.



Just kidding, it's actually called 'Yo Momma'.



Score: 226

Why don't Hindus argue with each other? Because they can't have beef

Score: 209

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Yo mama

Score: 203

I want my password to be beef stew but google says it’s not stroganoff.

Score: 165

Please enter your new password WEBSITE: Please enter your new password

ME: beef

WEBSITE: Sorry. Your password is not stroganoff

credit goes to my girlfriend

Score: 157

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean Beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a cow on her knees?

Your mother.

Score: 140

What did the chef say when he cooked up moose meat instead of beef? "Oh no! I've made a huge MooseSteak!"

Score: 125

A newlywed Asian couple are on the first night of their honeymoon and have saved it for marriage The husband says to his wife, "What do you want to do? We can try anything you want."

The wife says, "I want 69."

The husband replies, "You want beef with broccoli?"

Score: 120

Tried to sign up to a website the other day... I put my password as "beef stew"

It said password not stroganoff.

Score: 116

What do you call an epileptic cow? Beef jerky

Score: 109

What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Your mom.

Score: 109

What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with one leg?

Steak.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Your mom.

Score: 107

Hindus are so chill i’ve never had beef with any of them

Score: 107

If two vegetarians are arguing Is it considered a beef?

Score: 106

Why is india such a peaceful country? There is no beef there

Score: 95

What do rappers and vegans have in common? Fake beef

Score: 93

What do you call a cow having a seizure? Beef jerky

Score: 90

What do you call an overweight average ogre eating beef flavored yogurt? A mediocre meaty ogre eating meaty yogurt.

Score: 75

If two vegetarians get into a fight, would it still be called a beef? Not sure, depends on what's at steak.

Score: 71

Guy goes into a deli He looks over the menu:

Ham sandwich: $5
Roast beef sandwich: $7.50
Handjob: $250

He looks at the hot blonde behind the counter and says, "who gives the handjob?"

"I do!" She says with a smile!

"Well, wash your hands and make me a ham sandwich"

Score: 62

If two vegans are having an argument Is it still considered beef?

Score: 48

An Irish guy in front of me said, "Whale-oil beef-hooked" I don't know what any of that has to do with forgetting your passport..

Score: 32

What’s the difference between new and old hamburger meat? One is ground beef and the other is browned grief.

Score: 23

Why are vegans the best friends in the world? They never have beef with you.

Score: 23

What's a social gathering where everyone has beef with everyone ? BBQ

Score: 21

A Chinese man stumbles home late one night really drunk... Seeing his wife at the top of the stairs he says "hey baby how about a little number 69!"

The wife replies, "you drunk sonofabitch, make your own Mongolian Beef Stew!"

Score: 20

New Beef Jokes

What do Spanish people call leftover beef? Reincarne

Score: 3

What do you call it when two techtonic plates hate each other? Ground beef

Score: 3

There is a vegan in my school I have no beef with them

Score: 3

Why did the two cows fight? Because they had beef

Score: 3

A man tells a butcher “I bet you 1,000 dollars that you can’t reach up and touch your that beef hanging up there” The butcher replies, “I’m not betting that, the stakes are too high”

Score: 12

The owner of a Chinese restaurant is doing his wife He says I want 69. His wife replies why you want beef and broccoli right now?

Score: 10

You can always make Hindu jokes and get away with it. To be honest, it is very difficult to pick up a fight with a Hindu cuz they got no beef.

Score: 5

An African woman named Betty entered a butcher shop and asked if they had beef. Butcher: "No, black Betty! Ham or lamb!"

Score: 7

Why did the farmer give the cow a pumpkin? He wanted to squash his beef.

Score: 2

A cow and a farmer had a fight One dinner together later there was no more beef.

Score: 4

Roast beef on French roll Oops wrong sub.

^Make ^that ^black ^forest ^ham ^on ^italian

Score: 2

What do you call arguing vegans? Grass-fed beef.

Score: 4

An original joke (50% of it is) What do you call it when a cow falls over?
Ground beef.
What do you call it when yo mama falls over?
You don’t call it you call emergency earthquake services.

Score: 2

An African woman named Betty went to a butcher and asked for beef. The butcher replied, "No, black Betty! Ham or lamb."

Score: 9

Why don’t vegetarians hold grudges? Because they never have beef with anyone!

Score: 2

I tried changing my password to beef stew. But it wasn't stroganoff.

Score: 20

Did you know you can't go into a Kosher kitchen if you're having an argument with dairy? Because then you would be having beef with cheese.

Score: 4

An Asian couple is in bed And the husband, making an effort to spice things up, says "We do #69 now"!

And the wife says, "Why you want Beef and Broccoli"?

Score: 6

Tried to set my new password as "Beef!" Apparently it was not stroganoff...

Score: 4

Labelling cows What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.

What about one with 3 legs? That's lean beef.

What about one with 2 legs? That's just you.

Score: 9

What’s the difference between roast beef and forest fires? Anyone can roast beef but only YOU can prevent forest fires.

Score: 3

What did the gourd say to the zucchini about their bad relations with a cow. We gotta squash this beef.

Score: 2

What kind of cow constantly has seizures? Beef jerky

Score: 10

What do you call a masterbating cow? Beef Jerky

Score: 6

What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef. What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom.

Score: 3

If 2 vegan rappers are dissing each other... Is it still considered having a beef?

Score: 13

That beef I ate last night isn't sitting right Eating it was a misteak.

Score: 5

What do you call a cow with no legs?? ..... ground beef. 😏😏😏

Score: 6

Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the beef stroganoff.

Score: 8

A vegetarian was very angry with her son, who became a butcher. She's got a lot of beef right now.

Score: 12

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Lean beef.

Score: 2

What do you call a cow with...... No legs? Ground Beef!

4 legs? A Cow!

3 legs? Lean Beef!

2 legs? Your Mom!

Score: 5

If there were two vegetarian rappers Could they still have beef? Or would they squash it!

Score: 6

If two Vegans are in a fight... Is it still considered a "beef"?

Score: 9

What do you call a cow with two legs shorter than the others? Lean beef

Score: 7

If 2 vegans have an argument... Is it still beef?

Score: 2

Why did the Hamburger and the Steak fight? They had some beef

Score: 8

A Chinese couple are laying in bed... Him- "I wanna 69!"

Her- "You want beef with broccoli now???"

Score: 5

What do you call... What do you call a cow with 4 legs?

Beef

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

Lean Beef

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef

What do you call a cow with 2 legs?

Your Mom

Score: 2

If 2 vegans had an argument.. .. Is it still beef?

Score: 3

Why is top-shelf beef such a risky investment? Because the steaks are so high.

Score: 5

What do you call a cow with... What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef
What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom

Score: 3

What do you call it when two Italians get in a fight? Italian beef

Score: 3

What do you call a cow touching its utters? Beef stroganoff

Score: 8

A Chinese couple are in bed The husband says, "Can we do 69?"

The wife gets up and starts making him beef with broccoli.

Score: 5

I make wires for a living. I'm a bit short of cash, so I made the tips out of beef. Just trying to make ends meat.

Score: 2

Why can't you argue with an indian ? Because you can't have beef with them.

Score: 7

What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef!

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef!

What do you call a cow with two legs?

.....

Your mother-in-law!

Score: 5

Learn how to speak Irish in seconds... Say these words quickly:
Whale
Oil
Beef
Hooked

Score: 12

A Chinese Couple are in bed on their wedding night And the wife asks her husband what he wants. He thinks for a second and says I want a 69. She slaps his face and says you want Beef and Broccoli right now?

Score: 3

What do you call... What do you call a cow with no legs?
-Ground beef

What do you call a cow with 1 leg?
-Lean beef

What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
-Your mom

Score: 2

Why weren't the two cows friends They had some beef

^^sorry

Score: 4

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef

What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Yo momma

Score: 7

If two vegans fight is it still considered beef? Sorry for the unoriginal joke, have an invisible flying potato.

Score: 2

Why is the beef in Colorado so good? Because the steaks are high.

Score: 10

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

Lean beef!!

What do you call a cow with two legs?

YOUR MUM!!

Score: 3

I got in an argument with Kobe Bryant. I now have Kobe Beef.

Score: 2

What's the difference between roast beef and pea green soup? Anyone can roast beef.

Score: 2

Cow jokes What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake
What do you call a cow with no legs? ground beef
What do you call a cow with 3 legs? lean beef

Score: 6

I tried to tell my daughter some jokes…. Me: What do you call a cow with no legs?

Her: Ground beef.

Me: What do you call a cow with one leg?

Her: Steak.

Me: What do you call a cow with two legs?

Her: Mommy.

Score: 7