Hilarious Boston Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Boston Jokes

A 5th grader from Alabama and a 5th grader from Boston got into a fight, who won? 5th grader from Alabama, because he's 18 yrs old

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What do you call a hot chick in Boston? A tourist

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What could the Boston Marathon bombers do that Hitler couldn't? End a race.

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Worst joke I've ever heard What is the difference between Hitler and the Boston Bombers?

One of them actually ended a race.

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What do you call a beautiful girl in Boston? A tourist.

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Einstein is on a train leaving New York. He leans over to another passenger and asks, "excuse me, do you know if Boston stops at this train?"

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HAPPY FOURH OF JULY Looking for the T?

It's in Boston Harbor.

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What does a pirate from Boston say? Aaahhh.

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Why do Boston police cars have blue lights? Because Boston drivers don't stop for red lights.

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Khakis In most places, losing your khakis means you have no pants. In Boston, if you lose your khakis, you can't drive.

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What does a Boston terrier sound like? Bahk bahk. Wicked bahk.

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What's the difference between the Holocaust and the Boston Marathon Bombing? The Boston Marathon Bombing ended a race.

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If a guy from Boston ever asks if you want to smoke a hookah be careful You might end up shooting a prostitute.

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Agent: "Welcome to Delta, can I help you?" Passenger: "Hi, I'm going to Boston. I'd like this bag sent to Miami, and this one to Atlanta."

Agent: "I'm sorry, but we can't do that sir."

Passenger: "Really? Because you did it last week..."

Credit to /u/SilverbackBob

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What's the difference between Hitler and the Boston Bombers? The Bombers knew how to end a race.

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the latest news from the boston bombing authorities think it was race related.

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I used to think my drawings made me autistic... it turns out my Grandma was just from Boston.

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In most of the country, if you lose your khakis you have no pants... But in Boston, if you lose your khakis you can't start your car.

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Did you know that, during the first game of the 1936 baseball season, the Boston Braves managed to win while also badly injuring six players on the opposing team? They were truly ruthless.

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What do you call a Massachusite who cuts down trees? _In a New England accent..._

A Boston lager.

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I made this up yesterday in the car.

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Why were the Boston Marathon Bombings worse than Hitler? (OFFENSIVE) Because they actually managed to end a race.

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What could Boston Marathon Bombers do that Hitler couldn't? End a race.

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I used to own a Raven in Boston It could speak English, but the only word it knew was "Car"

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Okay, Lama spelled with one 'L' is a holy man in Tibet. With two 'L's, a llama is a South American pack animal. So, what is a three 'L' lama?

A big fire in Boston.

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Why do bartenders from Boston confiscate an intoxicated person's Khaki's at the end of the night? So they can't drive home.

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What did the Boston Marathon bombers do that Hitler couldn't? successfully end a race.

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Why can't the Maple Leafs have any tea? Because Boston has all the cups!

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Did you hear about the Boston chef who died? They could not find the sauce of his illness

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Relativity A student is taking the train back to MIT, and realizes that Albert Einstein just sat down in the seat next to him! Excitedly, the student asks: "Excuse me, professor. Does Boston stop at this train?"

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A man runs into an old salty sea captain on the docks of Boston harbor and says, "Cap'm, can't help but noticin'...you got a steerin' wheel secures to yer crotch there." Sea captain removes the pipe from 'tween his teeth and says, "Aye. It's drivin' me nuts."

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What did the Boston Marathon bombers accomplish that Hitler could not? They ended a race.

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I saw some horrible comedian making jokes about the Boston Marathon... Some lines must not be crossed.



(Source: Anthony Jeselnik I think)

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It must suck to be creative in Boston... Because everyone tells you how "ah-tistic" you ah.

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What do you call a Massachusetts prostitute? A Boston Creampie

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Why can't people from Boston become pirates? Because they don't pronounce their Arrs!

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Did you hear about that girl from Boston who got in trouble for being a bad dancer? She told her parents that she was an erratic dancer.

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What is the official snack food of the Boston Red Sox and New England Patriots? Cheat-o's

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What is it called when a basketball player from Boston attacks you in the ocean? A Shaq attack

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What did the Boston bombers do that Hitler couldn't? They ended a race

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New Boston Jokes

Where does a jewish guy's boston girlfiend go if she wants him to eat her out? The Poconos

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I got busted stalking a legendary Boston Celtic. They got me on multiple counts of Larry Birdwatching.

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What was Boston called in 1773? Boson

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Did you hear about the hockey player who broke his nose in seven places? Toronto, Detroit, Vancouver, Quebec, Boston, St. Paul, and Ottawa.

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Boston is now the first city in the US to get British drama. Why? Because Boston loves spilling British tea

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I’ve been thinking a lot about what race should be declared the Supreme Race And well I can’t choose between the Boston marathon or the Tour de France

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What race has got 5 arms, 3 legs and 2 feet at the finish line? The Boston marathon

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People from Boston will never forget that Shaq is hosting Shark Week this year. They love Shaq Week.

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What do Hitler and Boston have in common? They both can’t finish a race.

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A man walks into a bar with a frog on his head... The bartender asks, "Where'd you get that thing?"
Suddenly, the frog replies, "Boston, they're all over the place!"

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Why do boston carpenters get slapped by women? Because they want to show women their caulk

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Congratulations to all the runners in the Boston Marathon. You survived

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Did you hear about the guy from boston trying to get a deal on a sled? He had toboggan

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Baseball fans in Chicago and Boston got married. It's not a same-sox marriage.

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What do a Boston Marathon runner and Hitler have in common? Neither can finish a race.

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There is a line in comedy that you should not cross and that line starts at the Boston Marathon.

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What has 6 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The Boston marathon finish line.

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What do Hitler and Boston have in common? Neither can finish a race.

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