Hilarious Breakfast Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Breakfast Jokes

At breakfast, a man asked his wife “What would you do I if won the lottery?” She replied, “I’d take half, and then leave you.” “Great,” he said “ I won $12 yesterday. Here’s $6. Stay in touch.

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A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar..... The bartender says " Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here".

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If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple 'thank you' is all i need Not all this 'How did you get in my house?' business

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What do snowmen eat for breakfast? Snowflakes.

Credit: my friend's 3-year-old made this up. I'll pass on any karma to his college fund.

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What do iPhones eat for breakfast? Siri-al

(My 7 year old's joke)

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I am a man who loves to give women breakfast in bed. All I want to receive in return is a simple "Thank you!"... ...not "Who are you?", "How did you get in here?", and "I'll call the police!"

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If I go through the trouble of making you breakfast in bed, all I ask for is a simple thank you. Not all this "how did you get in my house" nonsense.

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Why do the French only have one egg for breakfast? Because one egg is un oeuf.

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I used to have a girlfriend who, whenever she had a bad headache, would go into the cupboard, find my oats I'd normally eat for breakfast and then throw them in the garbage. Apparently she couldn't cope with my grains.

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Bacon and eggs walk into a bar and order a beer The bartender says "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast"

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What are two things dinosaurs can't have for dinner? Breakfast and lunch.

I'll show myself out now

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Dad at breakfast: Dad at breakfast: I’ll have bacon and eggs, please

Waiter: How do you like your eggs?

Dad: I don’t know, I haven’t gotten them yet!

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If I make you breakfast in bed, a simple "Thank you" would be nice... ...None of that "How did you get into my house?" business.

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If I give you breakfast in bed just say "thanks" Not "who are you" and "how did you get in here"

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Muslims are a lot like breakfast eggs. If they aren't Sunni side up, they're probably Shiite.

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I woke up to find my wife lying unconscious on the kitchen floor.. At first I panicked, then remembered that McDonalds does all day breakfast.

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My wife told me That women are better in multitasking than men.

I told her to shut up and make me a breakfast.

Obviously she didn't manage.

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What does a man with a big d*ck eat for breakfast? Yeah, I didn't think you'd know...

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bacon and eggs walk into a bar bartender says: "I'm sorry, we don't serve breakfast."

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What's a North Korean farmer's favorite time of year? Breakfast.

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What do guys with big dicks eat for breakfast? Didn't think you'd know.

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What does the most interesting man in the world eat for breakfast? Dos Eggies

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I went to a hotel that had continental breakfast Unfortunately the continent was Africa so all I got was an empty plate

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What does a cannibal call a gymnast? A well balanced breakfast.

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Two eggs and a piece of bacon walk into a bar The bartender asks them to leave. They all ask why. Bartender says, "We don't serve breakfast here."

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Do you know why Parisians only have a single egg for breakfast? Because in France one egg is un œuf.

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I wonder if mormons support the transgendered? If they did, they could go on a transmission!

-- authentic dadjoke overheard at breakfast

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Two eggs and a strip of bacon walk into a bar The bartender looks at them and says, "Sorry - we don't serve breakfast here."

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What does Hitler drink with his breakfast? Milk because he doesn't like juice

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What is a resistors favorite breakfast? An Ohm-let

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When I make Breakfast all I want is a "Thank You", Not "Who are you and how did you get into my house‽"

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I had a frozen apple for breakfast today. Hardcore.

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How do cannibals get ready in the morning? Just like anyone else they wakee up, get out of bed, put on their pants and eat breakfast, one leg at a time.

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Did you hear the Germans now have breakfast delivery drones? They call them the LuftWaffles

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Capitalism has many problems but communism only has 3 - Breakfast
- Lunch
- Dinner

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For your consideration: A historical, circular triple entendre Why did the Queen join the Navy after making herself breakfast in bed?

Because she was impressed by Her Service.

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Pavlov walks into a cafe... ...and orders a breakfast. "Sure," the lady says. "I'll let you know when it's ready." After a little while, she places his tray on the counter and rings the bell. Pavlov leaps up and exclaims, "Oh my gosh, I have to feed the dogs!"

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Two eggs, a sausage, and a pancake walk into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast here.”

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What's a sailor's favorite breakfast? Boatmeal.

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New Breakfast Jokes

I tell people that I’m so poor I have to go to sleep for dinner and they seem to pity me Saying I’m so poor I have to wake up for breakfast doesn’t bring the same reaction though

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Keira Knightley walks into a cafe 'Good morning, ma'am' says the waiter 'What would you like for breakfast today?'

'Do you serve English crumpets?' she asks

'Of course' says the waiter 'If not, I'd be ignoring you'

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WHAT DOES A MAN WITH 10” HAVE FOR BREAKFAST? This morning I had bacon eggs and toast!

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If you think about it, if it wasn’t for female animals, we would never have milk, eggs or even butter... Cause who else would serve us breakfast?

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What did the spoon have for breakfast? Brownie Substance

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Where does a cannibal go for it's breakfast? The nursery.

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What’s a cannibal’s favorite breakfast? Toest

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Today I had German Toast for breakfast. It’s like French Toast, but the white bread is more pure.

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What did the breakfast burrito say when it was being eaten for lunch? Hey I'm not a LUNCH burrito!

(courtesy of a 7 year old lol sorry)

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Why did Hitler drink milk for breakfast? He didn't like juice.

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What is the Crow having for breakfast? Kawfee

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What’s the difference between a bowl of cereal and a Truth Tquatics dive boat? One has a captain that will meet you for breakfast.

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I wanted eggs for breakfast but I was short in time. So I had to scramble.

Happy Fathers Day.

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The local breakfast diner always seems to be hiring new pancake flippers Must have a high turnover rate.

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What do you call a monk who got rid of his habit to start a bed and breakfast? Ex Benedict.

(You may have to say it out loud)

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A Scotsman awakes one morning to find his wife dead beside him. He shouts downstairs to the cook:
"Only one egg for breakfast this morning, Mary!"

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What is Jamie Lanisters favorite breakfast? Fall Bran.

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What do nerds eat for breakfast? Terabytes

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What do California and a breakfast on the beach have in common? They both have a San Diego.

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I saw justice in action today for the first time ever. I went out for breakfast this morning with my girlfriend, saw a Jehovah’s Witness lock himself out of his own house. Kept ringing the bell.

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I made myself a mushroom omelet this morning. It was a breakfast of champignons.

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Whenever I make breakfast for you... You should be thankful.
None of this "Who are you and what are you doing in my house?" business.

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What do you call Shaq if he was a delicious breakfast dish? Shaquille Oatmeal

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What did the astronaut say after breakfast? What's for launch?

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I was kind enough to make you breakfast in bed. If I'm kind enough to wake you up with breakfast in bed, I don't need to be hearing all this, "how'd you get into my house?," nonsense.

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What does a muscular pothead have for breakfast? Shredded Wheat

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Why did Hitler have milk for breakfast? Because he doesn't like juice

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What Matthew Mcconaughey movie skips from breakfast to dinner? Failure to lunch.

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Did you hear about the disappearing breakfast? One minute it was there. The next, scone.

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A girlfriend asked: "If my left leg was breakfast and my right leg was lunch what would you prefer"? A girlfriend asked: "If my left leg was breakfast and my right leg was lunch what would you prefer"?

Boyfriend says: "Eating between meals!"

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What does a dyslexic Linux SysAdmin have for breakfast? cron flakes

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What do racist have for breakfast? Special K-K-K

Edit: racist's

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What do Florida poachers drink for breakfast? Gator-ade

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Scrambled eggs walk into a bar The bartender says, "sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."

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Which breakfast gurus would you ask for carpentry advice? The saw sages.

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French people are badass They eat pain for breakfast

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What is the chosen breakfast cereal of Trump supporters? Frosted Flakes.

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What did Hitler hate most about breakfast? The Juice

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What does a zombie eat for breakfast? All-brain.

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2 strangers have a one night stand The next morning, when both were awake, the woman turned to the guy and asks gently:

"Are you going to make me breakfast or do you suck at that too?"

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Have you ever had Ethiopian breakfast? Well neither have they.

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What do you call a fat round orange under pressure in the White House? Orange juice for Trump's breakfast.

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What was the German Army's favorite breakfast during WW2? Luft-waffles.

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What does an English teacher eat for breakfast? Synonym rolls.

My wife was so proud of herself for thinking this up while eating cinnamon roll ice cream yesterday.

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What do you call a group of hobbits? The second breakfast club

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The smoothest man on Earth bought a meal in a breakfast joint and asked his beautiful waitress "May I please have the Sussex Cakes ..." (*lowers sunglasses*)

" ... without the *sus*?"

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When I make people Breakfast in Beds, I just want to hear thank you... Not, "How did you get in my house?!'

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What do suicidal people read at the breakfast table? The noosepaper

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What is it called when an award-winning Spanish chef has mushrooms for breakfast? "The Breakfast of Champiñones"

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What's the best type of dinner date One that ends with breakfast

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He said: How's the diet going? He said: How's the diet going?
She said: not so good, I had eggs for breakfast.
He said: scrambled?
She said : Cadbury's

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What's Donald Trumps favorite breakfast? Eggs Benedict Arnold

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What does Michael Jordan like to put on his toast for breakfast? Space Jam

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What's the difference between a grandfather clock and your grandma's favourite breakfast? The letter L

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Why did a man throw his breakfast out the window? He was a cereal defenestrator.

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What does Batman like for breakfast? Ba-NANANANANANANANANANA-AH bread

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I like to steal pictures of people's breakfast and post them again I guess you could say I'm a cereal reposter

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If Drake owned a breakfast cereal franchise, what would it be called? OV O's!

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When I make you breakfast in bed, the least you can say is thank you. I mean what's with all this "how did you get in my house" nonsense?

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What do they serve for breakfast at Jurassic Park? Hammond eggs.

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