Hilarious Bus Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Bus Jokes

My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel. My dates never seem too happy when I tell them I'm a bus driver.

Score: 21592

I was crossing the street when I suddenly noticed my ex getting run over by a bus. I thought to myself, “Wow! That could have been me!” Then I remembered I can’t drive a bus.

Score: 11756

What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus? One's a crustacean, the other's a crushed Asian.

Score: 9572

Got my dream job today. I get my own 200 thousand dollar company car and a corner window with a view of the city.. Being a city bus driver is a dream come true.

Score: 7171

What do you call a black man that's just been hit by a bus? An ambulance you racist.

Score: 3234

Score: 1993

Whenever I see a female bus driver, I'm reminded of how far we have come as a society... Then I wait for the next bus

Score: 1605

I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus and all I could think to myself was, "Don't get an erection, don't get an erection"... But she did

Score: 1547

I gave up my seat to a blind person on the bus That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.

Score: 1216

Today I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind person. I was also fired from my job as a bus driver, no justice for the kind hearted in this world.

Score: 1000

Judge: “Why did you steal the car?” Man: “I had to get to work.”
Judge: “Why didn’t you take the bus?”
Man: I don’t have a driver’s license for the bus.

Score: 884

My friend told me I don't know what irony is... Which is ironic, because we were at a bus stop.

Score: 857

Which one is the odd one out; a Crab, a Tuna, a Chinese man run over by a bus or a Lobster? A tuna, because the rest of them are crustaceans.

Score: 684

Today I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind person I was also fired from my job as a bus driver..

Edit: Thank you for the gold u/H4hack !

Score: 514

A boy was sitting in a bus eating chocolate. The elderly man next to him asked him... Man : If you eat chocolates young lad, you will spoil your teeth.

Boy : My grandfather lived 110 years.

Man : By eating chocolate?

Boy : No. By minding his own business.

Score: 506

What is big, yellow and can't swim? A bus full of children

Score: 487

I'm afraid to die alone. So I became a bus driver.

Score: 400

What happens if Usain Bolt misses his bus? He waits for it at the next stop.

Score: 378

Gave my seat to a blind man on the bus Lost my job as a bus driver.

Score: 356

I didn't want to die alone... So I became a bus driver.

Score: 313

An old woman stopped me and asked "Excuse me, can you show me how to get to the hospital"?
I said "No problem"
Then I pushed her under a bus

Score: 305

My friend told me I didn't know the meaning of irony... which was ironic since we were standing at a bus stop.

Score: 304

Officer: “I’m sorry to say sir, but it looks like your wife was hit by a bus.” Me: “Yeah, but she’s got a great personality!”

Score: 293

An Iranian man comes home to his wife He says :" Honey! Honey! I missed the bus today and chased it all the way home. I saved myself 2 dollars!"

The wife responds: " you idiot! You should've chased the taxi. You could have saved 20 dollars!"

Score: 281

My friend told me that I didn’t understand how to use irony. It was really ironic, since we were at the bus stop at the time.

Score: 279

Two paedophiles are waiting at a bus stop when an 8 year old girl walks past... One says to the other, "I bet she was a looker in her day."

Score: 264

I gave up my seat to a blind guy on the bus. I lost my job.

Score: 258

So the other day, my friend told me that I have no idea what irony meant... Which was pretty ironic, considering we were at a bus stop.

Score: 238

I gave up my seat for a blind man on the bus today That's how I lost my job as a bus driver

Score: 234

What is yellow and can't swim? A bus full of children.

Score: 218

If you want girls to be running after you Become a Bus Driver.

Score: 212

Judge: “Why did you steal the car?” Judge: “Why did you steal the car?”

Man: “I had to get to work.”

Judge: “Why didn’t you take the bus?”

Man: I don’t have a driver’s license for the bus.

Score: 144

Saw my ex girlfriend getting beaten up by 5 guys at a bus stop, so as a human being I had to step in and help... She didn't stand a chance against the 6 of us

Score: 110

What's big, yellow, and can't swim? A bus full of kids

Score: 103

Yesterday I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind man But I was fired from my job as a bus driver

Score: 100

I farted on the bus and 4 people turned around I felt like I was on the voice

Score: 84

A bus full of wives going on a picnic fall into a river and all die.

The husbands saddened cry for a week while one husband continued to cry for more than two weeks.

When asked why he misses his wife so much he replied miserably...

"My wife missed the bus!!"

Score: 61

I was waiting at the bus stop. A woman said, "How long will the next one be?"

I said, "Probably about thirty feet."

Score: 57

Last night a police officer knocked on my door and said "Sir, it looks like your mother in law has been hit by a bus" I replied " I know, but she has a great personality."

Score: 56

LPT: If you know somebody with dyslexia that uses public transport, offer to help them read their timetable to prevent any mixups. Whoops, wrong bus.

Score: 51

New Bus Jokes

What's yellow and doesn't swim? A school bus filled with kids?

Score: 20

I’d like to die peacefully in my sleep like my dad did. But not like the children in the school bus with him.

Score: 21

Today I gave a blind old woman my seat on the bus. That's how I lost my job as a bus driver.

Score: 12

Special needs bus crashes into local pot shop and catches fire. Baked potatoes all over the place.

Score: 12

As a bus driver, I've never gotten into a car accident in all my 20 years of experience. I have gotten into at least 15 bus accidents though.

Score: 9

A young couple is in a bus. The wife says to the husband, "I've let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?" The husband says, "Change the battery in your hearing aid."

Score: 7

What does Usain Bolt do when he misses the bus? He awaits it at the next stop.

Score: 16

I knew it was going to be a bad day after I fell asleep on the school bus this morning. Especially since I was the one driving.

Score: 7

Why can't Stevie Wonder drive a bus? There's no steering wheel at the back of the bus.

Score: 17

The other day my friend was telling me that I didn't understand what irony meant. Which is ironic, because we were standing at a bus stop.

Score: 13

Today i gave up my seat to a blind old lady on the bus... thats how i lost my job as a bus driver.

Score: 10

I don't think condoms are 100% safe My friend was wearing one and he got hit by a bus!

Score: 19

Last night I drank a little too much so I took a bus home. This may not sound like a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.

Score: 11

My grandmother is pushing ninety. She's so strong, bless her. It's just annoying that the bus had to break down.

Score: 10

What has 100 eyes and 2 teeth? A bus full of old people..

What has 2 eyes and 100 teeth?

A crocodile

Score: 8

Two robbers were running away from the crime scene when a bus gets sandwiched between them. The one in front got tired, and the one behind got exhausted.

Score: 9

What's worse than finding a fly in you soup? Getting hit by a bus

Score: 30

My wife was depressed She phoned me and said "I feel like jumping in front of a bus and you're doing nothing to help me"

So I sent her a timetable.

Score: 11

Older lady in the bus snaps at a guy with a dog... Please get that thing away from me. I can feel flees on my legs.
Dog owner to dog: Rex move away, the lady has flees

Score: 24

I took the number 25 instead of the 52 today thanks to my dyslexia Whoops, wrong bus

Score: 40

What's the different between a rusty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? Ones a crusty bus station, and the others a Busty Crustacean

Score: 20

Farted in the bus and four people turned around. I felt like I'm in The Voice.

Score: 7

What is yellow and can't swim? A school bus.

Score: 10

Why does Putin always take the bus to work? His car is always Stalin

Score: 27

A guy standing in a bus looked at a girl, she looked back Then he smiled... She smiled back

He winked... She winked back

He gave her a sign to leave on the next stop

She got up and exited the bus. He took her seat.

Score: 39

A bus full of Elvis enthusiasts has crashed on their way to an Elvis convention. Witnesses say no one was injured but they're all shook up.

Score: 17

My friend told me that I didn't know what irony meant Which is ironic because we were at a bus stop.

Score: 34

What do you call a prostitute who works on public transit? A succ-you-bus.

Score: 9

Why did the boy drop his ice scream? He got hit by a bus

Score: 7

What game should you play if you're bored in a bus full of indians? Connect the dots.

Score: 11

What is yellow, has 38 eyes, and can't swim? A School Bus.

Score: 22

What's the difference between a Greyhound terminal and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station.
The other is a busty crustacean.

Score: 46

On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed.... On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed.
"What's the matter? Are you sick?" he asked.

"No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see old ladies standing."

Score: 18

I farted on the bus and four people turned around... Felt like I was on The Voice

Score: 13

Never give up your seat for a lady. That's what got me fired as a bus driver.

Score: 7

A gave my seat up to a blind man The next day I got fired as a bus driver

Score: 16

Whats the difference between an old bus stop and a lobster with implants? One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean

Score: 11

When a Prince Kisses a Sleeping Princess, it's "Romantic"... ...but when I give a shoulder rub to the lady sleeping in front of me on the bus, I'm "banned from riding the bus"

Score: 8

Just witnessed this classic on the bus Passenger: Which bus are you?
Driver: I'm not a bus, I'm the driver.

Score: 17

Why did the 5 year old drop her ice cream? She got hit by a bus.

Score: 7

The last time I was this drunk I had to take a bus home... Which isn't really a big deal, but I've never driven a bus before.

Score: 8

What's the difference between a lobster with breast implants and a New York bus station? Ones a busty crustacean the other one is a crusty bus station

Score: 39

Confucius say Man who run behind bus get exhausted. Man who run in front of bus get tired.

Score: 31

Breaking: Bus Carrying 53 KKK Members Overturns on I-95 There were some minor injuries, but they're all white

Score: 14

A person was hit by a bus after he claimed pineapple goes with pizza... Also, I lost my bus license today.

Score: 8

While I was on the bus, the person standing next to me played the national anthem While I was sitting on the bus, the person standing next to me played the national anthem,

I stood up and he took my seat.

Score: 11

What do you call 50 feminists on a bus? Trick Question. You can't fit 50 feminists on a bus.

Score: 8

Why was the frog taking the bus? Because his car got toad.

Score: 15

I gave up my seat on the bus to a blind man. Then my stupid boss told me I'll never be a bus driver again.

Score: 13

Little Johnny calls for his mom "MOM! MOM!"

"What is it Johnny?"

"Does Grandma know anything about car mechanics?"

"No, why?"

"She's outside, under a bus"

Score: 10

I wish to die peaceful and in sleep like my grandfather and not screaming and afraid like passengers in his bus.

Score: 14

Which of these three does not belong: (A) a lobster, (B) a flounder, or (C) a Korean man who has just been run over by a bus? The answer is (B) a flounder.

The other two are crushedAsians.

Score: 16

I was going to make a joke about that bus... I was going to make a joke about that bus that rolled over and killed the driver and 9 passengers...

But there's no pun in ten dead.

Score: 45

I went for my interview to be a bus driver I told them 'Sorry I'm late'

They said 'you're hired'

Score: 41

I'm acutely dyslexic and often forget my route home. AMA! Sorry, wrong bus!

Score: 29

What's the difference is between a lobster with breast implants and a filthy bus depot? One is a busty crustacean and the other is a crusty bus-station!
*edited because I screwed up my original punchline...

Score: 6

On the Bus Little Johnny says, "Mom, when I was on the bus with Daddy this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady."
"Well, you've done the right thing," says Mommy.
"But Mommy, I was sitting on Daddy's lap."

Score: 16

My friend told me I don't know the meaning of irony Which was really ironic because we were at a bus station.

Score: 19

I had a roommate, but he was ran over by a bus... Now I have a flatmate.

Score: 25

What is the difference between a Greyhound terminal and a lobster with implants? One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.

Score: 6