Hilarious California Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest California Jokes

If California splits into 3 states, we just need to make Puerto Rico a state. We’s have a prime number of states and finally be “one nation, indivisible”

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Why did the Broncos wear white jerseys in Super Bowl 50? Because it's hard to catch a white bronco in California.

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California is looking to eradicate a once popular item. Apparently it was the last straw.

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Why did the non-binary farmer go to California in 1841? Because there be gold in them/their hills.

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I heard they found water on Mars... I bet California is pretty jealous.

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I ain't sayin she a gold digger, but she did move to California in 1849.

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What do you call a waffle on the beach in Southern California? A sandy Eggo!

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Oklahoma asked California about all these earthquakes recently. California said "It's not our fault."

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The best way to tell if you’re in California Is to look up at the sun, and see if there is a “may cause cancer” warning label on it.

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Now that weed is legal in California, I don't need my Xanax prescription anymore. I was always suffering from chronic anxiety I was about to be arrested for illegal possession.

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What happens when the fog clears in California? UCLA

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It's getting real bad here in California. I just got robbed at the gas station. I called the cops and they asked if I knew who did it. "It was pump #5," I replied.

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What do you call a waffle on a California beach? Sandy-Eggo.

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I hate Sharknado, it is SO unrealistic. Rain? In California? Did they even pretend to research for this movie?

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Now that most of California has banned the use of straws, I just going to have to drink my frappuccino through this assault rifle.

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A poll was taken in California, asking if people thought illegal immigration was a serious problem. 29 percent said, 'Yes, it is a serious problem.' 71 percent said, 'No es un problema serio.'

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A kid was begging his dad to move to California. Dad: Give me one reason why I should agree

Kid: California starts with Cal

Dad: And?

Kid: Calculator also starts with Cal

Dad: What does that mean?

Kid: It all adds up

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I have the solution to the drought in California Just let all the ladies hear my mixtape

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Does your state have less water than California? Drought it.

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Guy A-"I was born in California." Guy B- "Which part?"

Guy A- "All of me."

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Fortunately the California earthquakes were a bit out in the desert so not many people got hurt. But a few snakes were rattled.

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In California... Did you know that in California you cannot take a picture of a woman with a basket of strawberries?

...you need a camera because strawberries do not take pictures.

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Why does California have more lawyers and New Jersey have more toxic waste dumps? New Jersey got to choose first

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"I was born in California............ "I was born in California."
"Which part?"
"All of me."

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How many straight men in california does it take to change a lightbulb? both of them

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I’m moving to California to become a real estate agent... I heard the market is on fire!!!

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In California, you can always find a party In Soviet Russia, the party can always find you

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What's the difference between California and the Titanic? The Titanic had its lights ON when it went down!

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Christmas Carol not to be sung in Southern California... Oh the weather outside is frightful...
But the fire is so delightful...
And since you have no place to go....

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President Trump to sign an executive action taking aim at Sun Maid and California's Raisin industry He answered most of the criticism over the weekend by stating

"I would like to make raisins Grape again"

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For a state that catches fire a lot... ...California sure has a lot of snowflakes.

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There are three certainties in life. Death, taxes... ...and the fact that the object in front of you causes cancer in the state of California.

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So it turns out Mars has water. Unlike California.

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People in California... At first, people in California were like "Oh, we don't have enough water!" and now they're like "Oh, we have too much water!"
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They can't make up their *dam* minds.

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California is like a box of cereal... When you get rid of all the fruits and nuts, all that's left are the flakes.

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What do you call a waffle on a California beach? A sandy eggo

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California, Oregon, and Washington are seceding from the USA. ...and joining our neighbors to the North to form the...
Federated Union of Canadians, Kingdoms, Territories, and Regencies Under Mutual Protection

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California is just too far left, for my tastes. I mean c'mon, the Pacific Ocean is right there.

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Sheriff's deputys wrangle wayward Llamas in Vacaville, California Not to be confused with chinese sheriff's deputies trying to wrangle a lama for long long time. That one is a different breed called "Dalai".

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New California Jokes

Everyone in Southern California goes to the beach and starts cussing at each other. After that they all lay down (6 feet apart) to get a tan, then they break into song. It’s good to see SoCal dis tan sing.

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Mary Poppins hates one political party from California in particular She thinks the upper Cali facist list is just freaking abnoxious

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It’s a great time to live in California Because all the giant tsunamis caused by the giant earthquakes can put out the giant fires

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What do California and a breakfast on the beach have in common? They both have a San Diego.

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Why have the gold-diggers left California? Because it's a state of 'mined'.

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There's a new hospital building in California named after a famous cartoon character the Scooby Dooby Doo ICU.

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Meanwhile In California.... Meanwhile In California, a local barber in my area just got arrested for selling drugs. Blew my mind, I've been his customer for years. No idea he was a barber.

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I went to the California Air Show... There was hella copters!

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Vocal fry is no joke. Remember, those people in California are suffering from a drought!

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Japan's economy crashed in the 90s because their housing bubble was so bad, the Imperial Palace was worth all the land in California. I *wish* houses out here could still be that cheap!

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The police got all the democrat protesters in California to leave last night They gave them participation awards

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My friend saw Stevie Wonder walking down the street when she went to California! I don't think he saw her though...

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I just got a great deal on some real estate in California. It was a fire sale!

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Mary Poppins retired to the West Coast of the US to become a fortune teller, rather than reading people's palms she would see the future by smelling their breath. She became a Super California Mystic Expert of Halitosis.

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