Celebrity Jokes

The worst thing about celebrity deaths is the inevitable torrent of jokes referencing them from people trying to be witty when really it should be a time of mourning and respect. I won’t take any part in it. So wake me up when it’s all over

Which celebrity is always ready for cereal? Reese, with her spoon

It's pretty disgusting how celebrity parents name their children after cooked rodent. Poor Chris Pratt

I had five hundred Kit Kats in my fridge and my mate had one in his. I pressured him into giving his to a homeless person. That's basically how celebrity charity appeals work.

Another sad news on an international celebrity... Justin Bieber was found alive in her condo earlier today.

What did Donald Trump say on the season finale of Celebrity President? "Nuclear missiles ... you're fired!"

I was walking down a street in Hollywood and ran into a celebrity with a Mohawk and jewelry. He looked at me and said, “I piy the fool!” I said, “Hey, you missed a T!”

Did you hear about the female celebrity that stabbed her husband? I think it was Reese....

"Witherspoon??"

No it was actually with her knife..



*Sorry, this joke is much better out loud than reading it.

Unexpectedly meeting a celebrity is cool, unless.... It's Chris Hansen.

What do they call the lottery in Africa? Celebrity adoption.

Did you hear about the recent celebrity murder? Sheryl Crow, Russel Crowe, and Cameron Crowe all happened to be in one room. Nobody was injured.

Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 20 years? Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 20 years?

Michael Jackson

Breaking Celebrity News! Academy Award winning Actor, Simmons, and children's book Author, Rowling, eloped earlier today. JK

Yoko Ono is apparently being lined up to assist with the bush tucker trials in the I'm a Celebrity jungle. After all she has been living off a dead beetle for the last 36 years.

Now that Macron has won in France and Merkel heads Germany... they shall be known by their celebrity couple name: Mackerel.

What's rich and has no talent? A celebrity.

A celebrity from the capital of Taiwan would be a Type-A Personality

What's a reindeer's favourite celebrity? Beyonsleigh

Chris Brown has been receiving support from celebrity friends. “We wish Chris all the best and expect to see him soon,” said O.J. Simpson.

When you're a celebrity sleeping in front of a fan means something totally different.

Who's the most generous celebrity? Cher

What’s your favorite (non racist)dead celebrity joke? Here’s mine: What did Pink Floyd and Dale Earnhardt have in common? Their last big hit was The Wall.

Did you hear about the most recent celebrity drug addict? I Don’t know how we missed it for so long, but it turns out that Humpy Dumpty was actually a crack head

Did you hear about that celebrity who got caught stealing a whole bunch of cheese? True story, it was Brie Larson.

Did you hear about that celebrity who committed suicide? Reese whatsername? "Witherspoon?"

"No, with a knife!"

Only really works if you actually tell it to someone (and can maintain a good pokerface)

People have always told me, "Shoot for the stars" So I became a celebrity hitman

Just when you think the celebrity deaths are done for 2016, Wham! there's one more.

Buzzfeed in 10 years... "Celebrity Deaths of 2016"

\#4,562 will shock you!

My girlfriend told me she enjoys celebrity impressions in bed, tonight I tried Jim Carrey Apparentley "Like a glove" is crossing the line

The perfect celebrity candidate for the job of being santa is... John Cena of course.









Because NO ONE CAN SEE HIM !!!

Did you hear about that Reese lady? Guy 1: Hey, did you here about that celebrity that stabbed some poor guy to death? What was her name, Reese... Reese Wither... Wither...

Guy 2: Witherspoon?

Guy 1: No, with her knife.

Classic that I haven't seen for awhile

When is the WORST time to meet your favorite celebrity? When you are an eight year old in the hospital.

My wife Emily and I have a celebrity exemption rule for extramarital affairs. Evidently she thought it included the actor playing George in the local production of "Our Town."

You can now buy celebrity-voiced sat-navs for your car. I bought the Princess Diana version. It just keeps saying "Put your foot down, I think we can lose them"

Frankie Boyle

A grasshopper hops into a bar. The bartender says, “You’re quite a celebrity around here. We’ve even got a drink named after you.” The grasshopper says, “You’ve got a drink named Steve?”

Did you hear about the recent celebrity murder? Sheryl Crow, Russel Crowe, and Cameron Crowe all happened to be in the same room. Nobody was injured.

Growing up, I wanted a wife who had the body of an A list celebrity! A shame it turned out to be Danny DeVito.

What do you call it when a celebrity is on their period? Red carpet.

I played poker with my celebrity friend She never wins and always ended up with a Lohan