Hilarious Crush Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Crush Jokes

My crush just messaged me "thespacebuttonisbrokenonmylaptop.canyougivemeanalternative"

Does anyone know what "ternative" means?

Score: 1575

Y'know, I was feeling sad after my crush told me that she liked me as a brother, But then I realized that she was from Alabama.

Score: 1461

Score: 371

My childhood crush and I are finally getting married this year! Me in August, and her in November.

Score: 353

I have a massive crush on a world leader, my wife thinks I'm joking... ...but it's Trudeau

Score: 209

Fifteen years ago I asked my high school crush out on a date, yesterday I asked her to marry me... ... She said no both times.

Score: 204

What is it called when your crush has a crush on you too? Imagination.

Score: 170

My crush rejected me for being a math nerd I was 2² to ask her out

Score: 95

Schrodinger's Crush: Before you ask her out, she is both single and taken

Score: 81

Slow typing... After 25 years... I was chatting with my classmate -my childhood crush online. She asked me why am I typing so slow. I said because my other hand isn't free.
She's not replying anymore.

Lesson learnt
-Never smoke while texting..

Score: 55

My crush said I'm like a brother to her Lucky she likes game of thrones

Score: 51

A little boy had a crush on his teacher, but she was dating a doctor. So the boy brought his teacher an apple everyday.

Score: 51

Cans I work in a can recycling factory.

My job is to crush cans.

I don't enjoy it. It's soda pressing.

Score: 47

Yesterday my crush told me that “I was like a brother to her” I was sad at first then I remember She was from Alabama

Score: 47

I stepped on snail once as a child. I guess it was my first crush.

Score: 46

What does a young girl from Arkansas say just before she loses her virginity? "Careful, dad, don't crush my smokes."

Score: 37

I wanted to impress my crush, so i told her about my millionaire dad now she is my mom

Score: 32

Having a crush on someone is like solving a math problem. If you know you can't get it, all you can do is just stare at it.

Score: 31

A few years ago i asked out my crush, today i asked her to marry me She said no both times

Score: 30

Hey Girl, do you recycle? Because I'd love to crush that box and leave you by the curb tomorrow morning.

Score: 30

TIFU by sleeping with my Crush Now there's orange soda all over my bed. :(

Score: 26

Auto correct got me arrested while proclaiming my love to my crush. Apparently there is no explanation for saying "I wish you were nine."

Score: 26

I wrote down my bucket list on a piece of paper, and my crush decided to use it to roll up her joint. She is now high on the list of things I want to do before I die.

Score: 26

I told my gf that i had a crush on beyonce! And she said to me "Whatever floats your boat"

And i said "No that's **Buoyancy**"

Score: 22

My crush is completely paranoid She told me someone was stalking her yesterday when she was going home. I followed her all the way and didn't find any stalker.

Score: 20

My crush told me someone was stalking her when she was walking home. I instantly called her on her bullshit because nobody else was following her when I followed her home.

Score: 19

When should you crush herbs? When you need to kill some Thyme!

Score: 15

Fifteen years ago I asked my high school crush out on a date, and yesterday I asked her to marry me Both times she said no

Score: 14

I think I have a crush on my teacher Me: I think I have a crush on my teacher

Friend: That's gross

Me: I've heard it's pretty common

Friend: But you're homeschooled

Score: 14

My crush has a lot in common with the 2018 Chevrolet Camero’s 0% APR financing plan There’s no interest 😎

Score: 14

Found out my crush likes me back! I just wish I could post this in literally any other sub.

Score: 13

My crush is like a coin Lots of tail, and 50% chance of getting head

Score: 12

My crush and I have a lot in common One thing is that we both like her but none of us like me.

Score: 12

I had a crush on a girl with a lazy eye..... We never hooked up, she was always seeing someone else.

Score: 11

Your crush's boyfriend is merely an obstacle, similar to a fence. You just gotta jump 'em.

Score: 10

You guys! I'm so excited, I just hooked up with my crush from middle school. ...but now she keeps calling me expecting me to show up at her graduation.

Score: 9

Yesterday a girl I had a crush on for 3 years told me she sees me like a brother... Luckily she’s from Texas

Score: 8

I finally just slept with my high school crush. Now she expects me to go to her graduation.

Score: 7

In kindergarten, I had my first kiss with my crush in the back of the classroom. Needless to say, I got barred from teaching ever again.

Score: 5

What do you call if your crush, has a crush on you too? IMAGINATION, we call it

#IMAGINATION

Score: 5

New Crush Jokes

My Crush, of 4 Years, just txted me that she expects me to visit her. I always get notified that they expect me.I havent played Candy Crush in a long time.

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A neckbeard hydraulic press talks to a female hydraulic prrss "I think I have a crush on you..." - said the neckbeard

"Get away from me or I'm gonna press charge!"

Score: 0

During IT class my crush told me I was a 10 It was a huge disappointment for me since I always considered myself to be a solid 110

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123461846193619 Even your crush ignores you like that

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Me being a math nerd I was certain that my crush would reject me if I asked her out But either way, I was 2² to ask her out

Score: 4

Having a crush during school makes it 100x better... and makes the summer 100x worse.

Score: 4

We all know the phrase “You’re like a brother to me”, and we know that we don’t want to hear it from our crush, meaning we are put into the friend zone. But in Alabama, that phrase is what gets them laid.

Score: 0

I remember my first crush. Dora the Explorer. That was a weird sophomore year.

Score: 2

My friends told me that a Latino guy is hitting on my crush, but I don’t know who he is. I don’t care about innocent people, I’m so angry that I want to fight them all Juan by Juan.

Score: 2

Have you heard about the elephant who accidently killed his girlfriend? It was his first crush

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Did you hear about the ex body builder who can no longer crush a coke can? It's just soda pressing

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What sound do grapes make when you crush them? The let out a little wine.

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I told my crush to text me when she gets home. She must have been homeless.

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My crush asked me to dab So I did what I had to do....Her funeral's on Tuesday

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Having a crush on someone that don't like you is like peeing on your feet You feel warm but everyone think it's stupid

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Her crush is a solipsist He's not even sure she exists.

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Did you hear about the guy who had a crush on the Grim Reaper? I heard he beat it to death.

Score: 4

What's the worst part about having a crush on a Christian girl? Having to convince two Fathers to let you date her.

Score: 3

How did the redneck drug addict get his crush to date him? It all started with

"I'd be dilaudid to have yew fer dinner"

Score: 3