Cutting Jokes

How do you know the Japanese mass murderer was a chef? He spent his day cutting up vegetables

When I was a kid, my family was very poor... I remember my dad was cutting Onion and our whole family was crying.

Poor Onion.



He was such a good dog...

I once killed an enemy soldier by cutting off his feet. I defeated him.

What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? I don't cry when I'm cutting up the hooker

What is a pirates least favorite letter? Dear Sir/Ma'am
We are cutting your internet connections for the following reasons: 1. Illegal downloading.

Thank you, and have a nice day.

Did you hear about the lumberjack who got fired for cutting down too many trees ? He saw too much

What's a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear Sir/Ma'am

We are cutting your internet connection due to the following reasons:

Illegal Downloading

If you struggle cutting cake.... Is it still a piece of cake?

My dad was cutting up Onions and I started crying. Onions was a great dog.

When I was a kid... ... our family was very poor. I remember when my dad was cutting onion and our whole family was crying. Poor onion. He was such a good dog.

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it... then my illegal log cutting business is doing well.

I decided to switch to a new barber My current barber just isn't cutting it.

Dwayne Johnson paid me to clean up and organize his craft room, but sadly, I lost his scrapbook cutting tool. I lost the Rock’s paper scissors.

What's a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear Subscriber,

We are cutting off your Internet service due to illegal downloading.

I bought a new set of Electric Garden Trimmers. They're cutting-hedge technology.

Knives are extremely advanced They are all cutting edge technology

I had to buy a new lawnmower today. My old one just wasn’t cutting it.

What do you call a council of Emo's? A cutting board.

I saw my wife cutting onions today and I started crying. Onions was a good dog.

What is a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear Sir/Ma'am
We are cutting your internet connection due to the following reasons:
Illegal Downloading

I got a job at a circle making factory! Sadly, I was fired today because I was cutting corners

I went to the barbers earlier and said I wanted my hair cutting like Tom Cruise. So he put a cushion on the chair.

What do you call an innovation in scissors? Cutting-edge technology

I've been cutting corners my whole life... But now I am a well-rounded person, so it worked out pretty well.

Just got fired from my lawn maintence job. Apparently I just wasn't cutting it.

If I had a dollar for every racist thing Donald Trump has said... He'd be cutting my taxes.

What do you call a major advancement made by an emo? Cutting edge technology.

What's a pirate's least favorite letter? Dear Sir/Ma'am,

We are cutting your internet connection due to the following reasons:

1. Illegal Downloading

Can somebody please hand me a knife? This fork just isn't cutting it.

Why are three-dimensional objects so good at cutting down trees? They have three axes.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Cutting your toe off with an axe

What do you call a robotic emo that likes dark humor. Cutting edge technology

As a child, I always cried when my dad was cutting onions in the kitchen... Onions was a good dog :(

I bought a new lawn mower for my landscaping company Mine just wasn't cutting it.


I'm sorry

What do you call a lawn mower that operates on its own? Cutting-hedge technology

A serial killer leaves his mark on his victims by cutting off their left hand and right leg. Authorities say something sinister is afoot.

People who process expired passports are so lazy they’re always cutting corners.

(Joel Dommett)

As a cheesemonger, I spent a lot of time cutting cheese up in to little pieces. It's grate.

Why was the Emo kicked out of the convention? Because he was cutting in line