Hilarious Dating Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Dating Jokes

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Dating is a lot like fishing... Sure there is plenty of fish in the sea, but until I catch one, I am just stuck here holding my rod.

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I've been dating this homeless chick for a while now and it's starting to get serious. She asked me to move out with her.

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Mom, I'm dating a man. \-Whom, sweetheart?

\-Dante the mailman.

Dante the mailman? But he could be your father!

But mom, age is just a number.

Sweetheart, I don't think you understood.

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dating me pros and cons of dating me

pros : dating
cons: me

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Dating a stripper is like eating a bag of chips in class. Everyone looks at you in disgust. But deep down they want some too

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Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot... The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.

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My friend that only dates Asian girls just started dating his ex-girlfriend again And I don't know if I should tell him.

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Sadly I think my family are a bunch of racists. I started dating a black girl recently, so I decided to bring her home to meet the family.

The kids wouldn't talk to her and my wife told me to pack my bags and leave.

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Just found out I was dating a commie Guess I should've noticed the red flags earlier

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Dating is a lot like fishing Sure, there's plenty of fish in the sea. But until i catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod.

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My girlfriend told me love means nothing to her That's what I get for dating a tennis player.

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I like dating black girls Because I don't have to meet their dads

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I don't see why people are outraged when Donald Trump says if Ivanka wasn't his daughter, he'd be dating her. After all, if Ivanka wasn't Trump's daughter, I'd date her too.

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What's the best dating service in India? Connect the dots.

(I'll see my self out.)

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My biggest fear, when I first started dating, was meeting the girl's father. But I mainly dated black girls, so it was never really an issue.

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I think my entire family is racist. I was dating an Asian woman and eventually brought her to my home to meet my family

My wife and kids didn't even want to talk to me.

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My father complained "I've been using a dating app, but I'm only meeting Middle Eastern men." Dad, you're using Uber.

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Dating women is like squaring numbers If they're under 15, just do them in your head.

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As a 13 year old, online dating is a tough thing. Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

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There was a computer dating back to Adam and Eve.. It was an apple, and a very bad one at that. It only took one byte for everything to crash.

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What's the best part about dating a black girl? You don't have to meet her father.

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What's a redneck's favorite dating website? Ancestry.com

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So I was dating this girl with a lazy eye... It would have worked out, but then I realized she was seeing someone on the side.

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The worst part about online dating is when the girl lists her weight as 115lbs, but when you're lifting her to put her in your trunk, she's obviously well over 140.

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I've been dating a homeless woman recently and I think it's getting serious... She's asked me to move out with her...

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At first I thought it was great dating an archaeologist Then I found out she was a gold digger and her future lies in ruins!

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What is the best thing about dating a homeless girl? You can just drop her off anywhere.

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I recently started dating a woman in a wheelchair, and I stood her up. Not surprisingly that's when she fell for me...and you know what, it became a bit of a drag...but now we're on a roll.

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Whats the best thing about dating a girl into zoophilia? Your best friend gets laid too.

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As a 12 year old, online dating is a tough thing Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

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I was looking for a Dating Simulator on Steam. It said "Sorry, no matches found."

The level of realism is incredible.

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I've been dating a homeless women recently and I think it's getting serious... she asked me to move out with her.

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After dating for 2 months, she started saying she wanted to meet my parents, Baby chill I waited for 9 months before I met my own parents

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Do you know whats the best thing about dating homeless girls? The fact that you can drop them off anywhere you want

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After divorcing from my ten year marriage, I started dating again and was soon using muscles I’d forgotten I had. Mainly when I smiled.

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I love dating blind girls You don't have to worry about them seeing other people.

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I'm dating an Italian bricklayer. It's cement to be.

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My sister told me she's dating an Irish guy I said, "Oh really?"

She replied, "No, O'Reilly."

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I just found out I've been dating a communist.... I should have seen the red flags sooner

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New Dating Jokes

So, I was dating a Japanese girl... The relationship grew old rather quickly so I decided to break up with her. When I told her, she just stood there in disbelief. It's like you have to drop the bomb twice for them to get the message.

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I'm okay with dating someone that's anti-vax I want to be child-free so it would work out either way

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Trying to date me is like dating a circle. It’s pointless

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I was dating a chick from the Soviet Union... it was nice until she tried to seize my means of reproduction.

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I just started dating this girl and there have been several red flags... ...but I guess that just comes with the territory when dating a communist.

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Why is dating a Cleveland Browns fan the best? Because she knows better than to expect a ring.

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Apparently OJ Simpson is interested in dating again. He's ready to have another stab at a relationship.

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What’s a trees favorite dating app? Timber

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When Oxygen and Potassium were dating, it was all OK. But when they broke up and I saw Oxygen with Magnesium, I was like "OMg!"

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A 10 years old comedian once said: Online dating is tough.

Every time i meet someone new, they end up in jail.

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What do you call an Indian dating site? Connect the dots.

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Whats the best thing about dating homeless chicks? You can drop them off anywhere.

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My girlfriend is a perfect lady in the streets, but an ANIMAL in the sheet! I wish she'd told me before we started dating. I'm not into lycanthropy.

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The dating scene at Hogwarts must really suck. Since every girl there has a magic wand, they don't really need the boys at all.

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The girl I'm dating said she wanted to be treated like a princess. So I hired some paparazzi to chase her and she died in a car crash.

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Dating a stripper is like opening a bag of chips in church eveybody looks at you in disgust but deep inside they all want some.

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I was dating a math textbook for a while. Things have been kind of rough lately, and last night I decided to break it off. There were just too many problems.

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The girl that I've just started dating asked me what I look for in a relationship.... Apparently " A way out " was not the right answer.

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My friend said that he was going to try online dating. I said, "I didn't have much luck with it personally."

"But that's where *we* met," said my wife.

I said, "Exactly."

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Why was Marx bad at dating? He only talked about seizing the means of production.

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I'm currently dating a boxer, but I'm not sure if she's my type. I think she needs to let her guard down.

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Dating a hoarder I used to date a hoarder, and she broke up with me. That stings extra hard—I’m like the one thing she can get rid of.

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Dating a homeless woman is great! Whenever I take her home, I can drop her off wherever I want!

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So I went on a date with a girl from an online dating website... I was worried she'd be fatter than she looked in her pictures. Turns out he wasn't.

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I don't know what carbon dating is... But I'll try anything at this point.

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I think I finally understand these dating apps They all include they want something serious and long-term, so I went on a date last week, and gave her herpes.

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Started dating a girl from calligraphy class. She wasn't my type.

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What dating app do priests use? Kinder

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My friend and his wife found each other on a dating website, Three years after marriage. That was awkward.

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What do you call a match-making service for realy old people? "Carbon-Dating"

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Why is it annoying dating a waitress? They just want the tip.

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Introducing the nihilist dating agency ... for people who have nothing in common

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Online dating is tough even for a 13 year old. Every time I meet someone new, they end up in jail.

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As a 10-year-old, I find online dating real tough. Every person I meet ends up in jail!

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My dating life is a lot like the military It is just huge intervals of boredom rarely interrupted by dodging some bullets.

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Have you heard of the new dating app for Catholic priests? It's called "Kinder".

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I had to stop dating someone that I met online. He didn't look anything like her pictures.

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A buddy of mine started dating this girl that plays soccer. I like her a lot. She's a keeper.

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I'm going to create a dating Website for people with incurable STD's to find each other. It will be named 2 Herpes in a Pod

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Some people are into carbon dating. It's not for me. I dated carbon once, turns out they made everything up.

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According to a recent study, men on dating sites are more popular if they mention dancing or cooking. Because if there’s one thing women love, it’s a man who can lie.

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What's the best thing about dating a feminist? When you go out for dinner you only have to pay for your half!

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What do driving and dating have in common? Both end up with you being chased by the police if you go too fast.

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I'm Trying Out Something New and Dating People Regardless of Their Gender: We'll see how it Pans out.

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What's the best part about dating a fat girl? They always know where they want to eat

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The NSA created a dating app to identify potential terrorists. They called it "Jihad me at Hello."

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Apparently some people on Tumblr say they're sexually attracted to elements on the periodic table. That's not really my thing ... except for that time in college when I experimented with carbon dating.

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I like dating black girls because...... ...I hate meeting dads

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What's the best thing about dating a black girl? You'd never have to meet the father.

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Whats the best part about dating a Black girl? You don't have to worry about meeting her Father

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I started dating an astronaut. It happened out of nowhere. I did not planet.

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Whats the best part about dating a black girl? You rarely have to meet their dad.

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I went on a date with a girl from an online dating website... ... I was worried she'd be fatter than she looked in her pictures. Turns out he wasn't.

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Why is it hard dating an astronaut? Because they have space issues.

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What's a rednecks favorite part of archaology? Relative dating

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I met the love of my life through an online dating site Too bad my wife found out

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You want some dating advice? Here you go. A man wanted to find a woman and asked the computer to find him the perfect match: "I want someone who is small and cute, loves the water sports and enjoys group activities."

Back came the answer: "Marry a penguin."

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What's India's most popular dating service? Connect the Dots.

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What is the best part of dating a homeless girl? You can drop them off anywhere.

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PHP Dating Advice I had a date() with PHP and I had to mktime() for it.

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