Hilarious Do You Know Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Do You Know Jokes

Do you know how to avoid clickbait? Obviously not.

Edit: Wow guys! I did not expect to get over 200 upvotes on this common repost! Thank you kind strangers!

Score: 19437

“Do you know how much it is to rent a church singing group?” “Sir, do you mean a choir?”

“Fine, yes, do you know how much it is to ‘acquire’ a church singing group?”

Score: 12795

Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Because of the-

Car driving by: HONK

Me: Because if the-

2nd car driving by: HONK

Me:

Cop:

Me: Because of the-

3rd car driving by:HOOONK

Me: Because of the “Honk if you think cops have micropenises’’ bumper sticker?

Score: 12226

Do you know what DNA stands for? National Dyslexic Association

Score: 10540

Score: 9221

How do you know a joke isn't a repost? When it doesn't reach the front page.

Score: 7990

Do you know how Chris Brown’s girlfriend found out that he had been cheating on her? She found another girl’s lipstick on his fist.

Score: 6495

How do you know that a sniper likes you? He misses you.

Score: 3162

How do you know a blonde has been trying to commit suicide? There are bullet holes in the mirror.

Score: 2674

Do you know where I can rent a church singing group? Sir,do you mean a choir?

Fine,yes,do you know how much it is to aquire a church singing group?

Score: 2130

Do you know the one step to avoiding clickbait? Obviously not.

gg y'all, inbox = rekt

Score: 2033

How do you know how heavy a chili pepper is? Give it a weigh , give a weigh, give it a weigh now.

Score: 1992

Do you know why libraries don't have books about suicide? They never get returned

Score: 1736

Do you know what really grinds my gears? Nothing. I'm German and my engineering is perfect.

Score: 1475

How do you know that an introvert likes you? He looks at your shoes instead of his.

Score: 1023

How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? She starts to fit into your wife's clothes.

Score: 959

Do you know why I don't eat at Chili's or Applebee's? Because i'm old enough to microwave my own food...

Score: 911

Do you know what Mexicans think about Trump's wall? Who cares, they'll get over it..

Score: 822

Do you know what a 6.9 is? A good thing screwed up by a period.

Score: 630

How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? When she can fit into your wife's clothes

Score: 579

How do you know when a bass player and drummer are at your front door? The knocking is out of time and they don't know when to come in.

Score: 569

Boss: Do you know why I called you in here? Me: Because I accidentally sent you a dic pic

Boss: (Stops pouring 2 glasses of wine)
Accidentally?

credit u/zarina300

Score: 565

Do you know why more vaccinated than unvaccinated children have autism? Because you have to be alive to be autistic

Score: 564

Do you know how to avoid clickbait? Certainly not.

Score: 553

Do you know what DNA is an acronym for? The National Dyslexia Association

Score: 475

Do you know how to confuse a coal miner? Show him a row of shovels and tell him to take his pick.

Score: 397

Do you know why Bill Clinton played the saxophone? Because he lost his whoremonica

Score: 387

A father and his son are visited by the Child Protective Services. The agent asks the son, "Do you know why we are visiting you today?" The son thought a bit and replied: "Beats Me"

Score: 365

How do you know if you have a high sperm count She has to chew before she can swallow

Score: 348

How do you know when a blonde is having a bad day? When she can't find her pencil and there is a tampon behind her ear.

Score: 339

Do you know who i am? Boy: Our principal is so stupid.

Girl: Do you know who I am?

Boy: No

Girl: I'm the principal's daughter.

Boy: Do you know who I am?

Girl: No

Boy: Good (*walks away)

Score: 327

Do you know the difference between in-laws and outlaws? At least the outlaws are wanted by someone.

Credit: My father.

Score: 315

How do you know the Japanese mass murderer was a chef? He spent his day cutting up vegetables

Score: 232

Do you know what Sin City is? Person 1: Do you know what Sin City is?

Person 2: Las Vegas

Person 1: Do you know what the Windy City is?

Person 2: Chicago

Person 1: Do you know what Den City is?

Person 2: ...

Person 1: Mass over volume

Score: 177

How do you know a girl on Tinder is real? When they ignore you.

Score: 104

Do you know whats the best thing about dating homeless girls? The fact that you can drop them off anywhere you want

Score: 96

Do you know what grinds my gears? Do you know what grinds my gears? I have to read the aforementioned title twice for most jokes.

Score: 90

How do you know if a woman uses a vibrator when pregnant The kid stutters

Score: 87

Do you know what game non-vaccinated kids play? Marco Polio.

Score: 79

Do you know what two words can wreck a man's life? I do.

Score: 79

New Do You Know Jokes

Do you know why scuba divers fall out of the boat backwards? Because if they fell forward they'd still be in the boat.

Score: 23

Do you know how you can find out the gender of an ant? If you put it in the water and the ant sinks, it’s a girl ant. However if it doesn’t sink, it’s buoyant.

Score: 25

Do you know how to make 5 pounds of fat look beautiful? Put a nipple on it.

Score: 13

Do you know which president has the cleanest record Lincoln, he was in a cent

Score: 43

How do you know you're ugly? You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.

Score: 43

Do you know how to cook toilet paper? No, but I do know how to brown it on one side.

Score: 49

"Son, do you know why I pulled you over?" - Cop with Alzheimer's trying to play it cool.

Score: 12

How do you know the tooth fairy is a journalist? They're always searching for the tooth.

Score: 14

How do you know that the prostate exam is going horribly wrong? When the doctor places both hands on your shoulders.

Score: 34

Do you know what the best part of dementia is? Every day, you get to meet someone new.

Score: 14

Fellas, how do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat? She fits into your wife's clothes

Score: 14

How do you know if a sniper likes you? He misses you.

Score: 71

How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? Cause she can fit into your wife's clothes.

Score: 15

Do you know how the blonde broke her arms? She fell out of the tree while she was raking leaves

Score: 69

How do you know how heavy a chilli pepper is? Give it a weigh, give a weigh, give it a weigh now.

Score: 18

Do you know what's the difference between your wife and your job? Your job sucks.

Score: 48

Do you know what it means to come home late and being embraced, kissed and loved? It means you're in the wrong apartment.

Score: 30

Do you know what really gets my goat? Foxes.

Score: 24

How do you know when you're dyslexic? When life hands you melons.

Score: 70

How do you know who the most popular man at a nudist colony is? The one that can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and still carry a dozen donuts

How to tell who the most popular woman is?
The one that can eat the last donut

Score: 12

How do you know when a joke becomes a Dad joke? When it becomes apparent.

Score: 12

How do you know when a Thai woman likes you? She gets an erection

Score: 14

How do you know heavy a chilli pepper is? Give it a weigh give it a weigh give it a weigh now.

Score: 18

How do you know when your girlfriend is getting too fat? When she fits into your wife's clothes.

Score: 27

How do you know the US isn't going to attack North Korea? They didn't arm them first.

Score: 28

Do you know about the soldier who survived pepper spray and mustard gas? He's a seasoned veteran.

Score: 35

Do you know why Elton John plays the piano? Because he sucks on the organ

Score: 72

How do you know Adam was a white man? You ever try to take a rib from a brotha?

Score: 68

How do you know a woman is going to say something smart? When the sentence begins with, "A man once told me..."

Score: 14

"Do you know what sin city is?" "Yeah, that's Las Vegas"

"But do you know what Den City is"

"No"

"Mass over volume"

Score: 17

Do you know why Van Gogh got into painting Be cause he didn't have an ear for music.

Score: 22

Do you know what I hate? Inspirational quotes Because no matter what you read, only you can be the driving force behind your success.

Score: 39

Do you know why Oklahoma's state slogan is "Oklahoma is OK"? Because they can't spell "mediocre".

Score: 52

Do you know why kleptomaniacs have such a hard time understanding puns? Because they take things literally.

Score: 30

An officer asked me "Do you know why I pulled you over?" So I replied, "What, have you already forgotten?"

Looking back it probably wasn't a good answer

Score: 27

Do you know how copper wire was invented? Two Scots fought over the same penny.

Score: 13

How Do You Know Someone Is A PC Gamer? You don't, they tell you.

Score: 21

Dad, how do you know if someone is drunk? Dad: Look son, you see those two people walking by?, if I had seen 4, I would've been drunk.

Son: But dad, there's only one person.

Score: 66

Do you know the most outstanding thing about our illegal immigrants? Their warrants.

(Here come the down-votes!)

Score: 57

Do you know the way little children run towards the waves of the ocean but back up the very last second? That's the exact same way I flirt with girls

Score: 13

How do you know a dog is better than a wife? Lock them both in the trunk of your car and see who is happier to see you after an hour when you let them out.

Score: 20

Do you know why a gun is better than a wife? You can put a silencer on a gun.

Score: 28

A crossfitter, a Texan, and a vegan walk into a bar. How do you know? They all tell you within 3 seconds.

Score: 15

Do you know the biggest difference between Mexico and China? China paid for it's wall.

Score: 13

Do you know what animals give you? Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Eggs!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"

Score: 58

When do you know it is time for the cows to go to sleep? When it is pasture bedtime.

Score: 14

Do you know why the Little Mermaid wore seashells? Because she was too small for D shells.

Score: 42

Do you know why Stevie Wonder can't see his friends? He got married.

Score: 23

How do you know a white person is about to tell a joke? He's looking over his shoulder

Score: 13

How do you know the toothbrush was invented in the South? Because if it were invented in the North, it'd be called the teethbrush!

Score: 19

How do you know if an introvert likes you when you're talking to them? They'll stare at your shoes instead of theirs.

Score: 13

how do you know when a prescription is being written for bulimia? when the directions for use say take one pill twice a day

Score: 25

Do you know why there are so many great bakeries in Germany? They had to do *something* with all of the ovens.

Score: 34

Do you know what's black and doesn't work? Decaf Coffee.

Score: 18

Do you know why I only date black girls? Because I hate the awkwardness of meeting a girlfriend's dad

Score: 32

Do you know cat owners are 50% less likely to suffer from a heart attack mainly because their hearts are already broken

Score: 27

How do you know you're speaking with an engineer? Don't worry they'll tell you.

Score: 39

How do you know when you're staying in a hillbilly hotel? When you call the front desk and say, "I gotta leak in my sink,"
and the clerk replies, "okay, Go ahead."

Score: 23

How do you know an engineer is an extrovert? He stares at *your* shoes while he talks to you.

Score: 40

When do you know that you are getting old? When you have babies on purpose

Score: 15