Hilarious Fast Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Fast Jokes

Interviewer: "I heard you were extremely quick at math" Me: "yes, as a matter of fact I am"

Interviewer: "Whats 14x27"

Me: "49"

Interviewer: "that's not even close"

me: "yeah, but it was fast"

Score: 12406

A cop stopped a guy for speeding... He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

"I was trying to keep up with traffic," he replied.

He said, "There is no traffic."

And the guy answered, "That's how far behind I am."

Score: 2615

What do sprinters eat before a race? Nothing, they fast.

I'll see myself out.

Score: 2309

Score: 1321

I went to a restaurant. It was full; no place to sit...
I took out my mobile,
Placed it to my ear and said loudly- "Bro come fast, she's here with someone else...
Six couples ran away

Score: 1289

How fast was Thor’s hammer destroyed? Hela Fast.

Score: 1176

I've calculated the name for the next Fast & Furious movie... Fast 10: Your Seatbelts

Score: 867

Him: "I drive like lightning" Her: "So you drive fast?" Him: "No, I hit trees."

Score: 682

Why do French people eat snails? Because they don't like fast food.

Score: 592

I am suicide bomber AMA Wow this blew up fast.

Score: 540

So they just announced the title to the tenth fast and furious movie.. Fast10: Your Seatbelts.

Score: 339

A state trooper lays in wait at a speed trap... and spots a speeder.

He flashes his lights, pulls the car over, walks up to the driver and says, "I've been waiting for you all day."

The driver responds, "I got here as fast as I could."

Score: 291

A Prius just tried to race me from a stop sign. I totally had it for the first 100 feet... But I can only walk so fast.

Score: 277

Why do french people eat snails ? They don't like fast food.

Score: 271

Hey! Wanna make $$$$ fast? …Just follow my simple instructions:
1. Hold down the Shift Key
2. Press the number 4 four times.

It's that easy!

Score: 267

I went to a restaurant. Every table was occupied with couples,
there was no seat vacant.
I took out my phone and said loudly
"Dude, your girlfriend is here with someone else. Come here fast."

9 girls left their seats for me.

Score: 261

During Ramadan, Sonic the Hedgehog is a Muslim Because he's gotta go fast.

Score: 259

The saddest thing in the world is a child's cry after their bike is stolen So I try to pedal away as fast as I can.

Score: 250

Will carrying a torch save you from an attacking bear? Depends on how fast you can carry it.

Score: 244

What does The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones and Fast and Furious have in common? All their Walkers are dead

Score: 240

What's fast and the furious 10 going to be called? Fast 10: your seatbelts

Score: 209

Interviewer: "I heard you were extremely quick at math" Me: "Yes, as a matter of fact, I am."

Interviewer: "What's 15x26?"

Me: "46"

Interviewer: "That's not even close!"

Me: "Yeah, but it was fast."

Score: 201

When is the best time for Muslims to run a race? Ramadan. They fast during Ramadan.

Score: 191

Injured myself during an Ironman marathon the other day Got up too fast after watching the third film

Score: 176

A snail gets mugged A snail is heading home from work, very late one night. He gets mugged by a turtle. The policeman says "Can you describe the guy?" The snail says "I don't know . . . it all happened so fast."

Score: 166

A cop pulled over a spanish photon... The cop asked, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

The photon said, "c."

Score: 160

A whale and a wave make a bet. (Just made this up.) The whale says to the wave, "I bet I could beat in a race to land." The wave agrees, so the whale takes off. He swims so fast, he drives himself ashore. The wave following behind him says " Hah! Beached ya!"

Score: 144

Why do they eat snail in France? Because they don’t have fast food.

Score: 143

A woman in labor yells... "CAN'T! DIDN'T! SHOULDN'T!"

Her doctor says "Wow, these contractions are coming fast."

Score: 132

So I was in a race against a Prius the other day. I kept up for the first 100ft but I can only walk so fast...

Score: 130

New fast and the Furious movie should be called... 'Fast 10: Your Seat belts' Source: Wife's Facebook... made me chuckle.

Score: 119

life is like a box of chocolates.... it is destroyed remarkably fast by an emotional woman.

Score: 114

If you want to impress a girl... ...try complimenting her. For instance, "Wow, you're a fast runner! You nearly got away!"

Score: 110

What is Unidan's favorite fast food joint? Five Guys.

Score: 98

A man was pulled over by a police officer for speeding The police officer asked, "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"I was trying to keep up with traffic," the man replied.
The cop said, "There is no traffic."
The man replied, "That's how far behind I am."

Score: 65

Microsoft Edge is a big improvement over IE... It downloads Chrome twice as fast!

Score: 62

When a cop stopped someone for speeding... Cop - "Sir, Do you know how fast you were just going?"
Man - "I was just trying to keep up with traffic," he replied.
Cop - "There is no traffic."
And the man answered, "That's how far behind I am."

Score: 61

Made love to my wife last night, just like they do in the movies I was fast, she was furious

Score: 61

What does fast and furious 5 and the walking dead have in common? They both have dead walkers.

Score: 60

I saw a black man running down the street with a TV I was worried it was mine so I drove home as fast as I could, when I got home I was relieved to find mine was still there...brushing the front porch.

Score: 49

New Fast Jokes

So this sloth reported a mugging by three turtles to the police... ...When asked what happened he said, “I don’t know officer, it all happened so fast!”

Score: 4

Why do jewish people love breaking their fast with sweet potatoes? So that they can properly celebrate Yam kippur.

Score: 8

Cop pulls over an 80 year old woman A cop pulls over an 80 year old woman for speeding and says "Hi there, why are you driving so fast?"
Woman says "Come on sir, let me go while I still know where I'm going"

Score: 5

I called the hospital and pleaded, "Doctor! She's going into labor and her contractions are coming really fast! What should I do!?" "Is this her first child?" he asked. "No, this is her husband!"

Score: 17

I don't know why people get so excited about skiing vacations Right from the start they go downhill very fast.

Score: 10

Comcast's newest commercial really gave me a laugh. They boasted their fast internet speeds, lower prices, and amazing customer service. Not to mention how they boasted supporting net neutrality.

Are there two companies named Comcast?

Score: 4

Every time I go through a fast food window They hand me my food and say “sorry about the weight.” I know I could lose a few pounds but this is just rude.

Score: 33

What is a chemist's favorite movie? So Fast Sulfurious

Score: 4

To the Girl I Kissed Last Here's to the girl that I kissed last…

She didn't kiss slowly nor did she kiss fast…

But she kissed so long and...

She kissed so sweet…

She made things stand that had no feet!

Score: 7

A tiger can jump higher than a three story building. Tigers have fast twitch muscles in their backs and legs, and buildings cannot jump.

Score: 4

Dr Heisenberg gets pulled over for speeding. The policeman asks him, "Do you have any idea how fast you were going?". "No, ", replies Dr. Heisenberg, "but I know where I am!".

Score: 18

Stuck Behind Traffic A cop pulls a car over for driving too fast. He walks up to the car,

Cop: You were going to fast.

Driver: I was just trying to keep up with traffic.

Cop: There isn't any.

Driver: I know! That's how far behind I am!

Score: 13

Why are lesbians so fast? Because they know how to lickity split.

Score: 10

My teacher once told me, "Time flies." I replied, "You can't, they're too fast."

Score: 16

Two cannibals were sharing a person One starts at the head, the other at the feet.

After a time one asks, "you alright?"

The other replies, "yeah I'm halving a ball!"

To which the first says, "you're going too fast!"

Score: 12

German physicist Werner Heisenberg is pulled over for speeding. The cop asked, do you know how fast you were going? Heisenberg responds, no but I know exactly where I am.

Score: 46

Why French people eat snails? Because they don't like fast-food

Score: 20

What did the muslim man say as he was driving recklessly and passing other cars at dawn? "Sorry, gotta go fast"

Score: 12

What should the tenth fast and furious movie be called? Fast 10: Your Seatbelts.

Score: 8

Why did the Muslim run over the pedestrians during Ramadan? He couldn't brake fast

Score: 33

What happened when the clown-fish tried to fast travel? You cannot fast travel when anemone is nearby.

Score: 22

How fast can a woman drive? 68 mph, because at 69 they flip over and blow a rod

Score: 8

A snail is walking home from the pub one night, when he gets beaten up and mugged by two slugs... He goes to the police, who ask him for a description of the attackers.

"To be honest, it all happened so fast..."

Score: 8

I asked a man in a turban why he wasn't fasting He told me you don't have to fast for Ramadan if you are Sikh.

Score: 6

A slug was assaulted by a snail... ...and the snail was arrested and brought to trial.

At the trial the judge said, "OK, slug, tell the court what happened."

The slug said, "I don't know, your honor...everything happened so fast."

Score: 5

What do you have to do if you need to go somewhere fast? Express yourself.

Score: 8

John is a fast learner Interviewer: What's your biggest strength?

John: I'm a fast learner.

Interviewer: What's 11 * 11?

John: 65.

Interviewer: Not even close. It's 121.

John: It's 121.

Score: 6

Why do French like to eat snails so much? They can't stands fast food.

Score: 4

What was Osama bin Laden's biggest regret as a parent? kids blow up so fast

Score: 39

What would they call the 10th installment in the Fast and Furious Series? -Fast 10 Your Seatbelts

-Fast 10 Furious

Score: 8

Motorcycle will last you a lifetime if you ride it fast enough.

Score: 4

A rookie cop is sent to monitor a speed trap for hours... Finally near the end of his shift a car blows by at 80 mph. He pulls over a teenager and tells him, "I waited all day for you to get here."

The teenager replies: "I got here as fast as I could."

Score: 4

“I am a master of fast calculations.” “I am a master of fast calculations.”
-
“OK, what is 758 time 642 divided by 5?”
-
“22!”
-
“Ha ha, that’s wrong!”
-
“Might be, but it was fast!”

Score: 7

How do you know if you're driving behind a physicist? Their rear bumper has a red sticker that says "if this appears blue, you're driving too fast."

Hope it isn't too niche.

Score: 4

I've never understood why there's Burger King but no Borscht Czar After all, people who eat fast food are in a hurry... they're always Russian around everywhere.

Score: 4

What's Peter pans favourite fast food restaurant? Wendy's

Score: 36

I was was caught speeding yesterday The police officer walked up to my window

Officer: I've been waiting for you all day

Me: I know, i came as fast as I could

Score: 19

Don't ever invest in snowboarding. That sport is going downhill fast.

Score: 43

Why did the burger run? Because it's fast food...

Score: 4

Old McDonald had a farm.... He then had a million dollar idea, hence the fast food joint.

Score: 4

Werner Heisenberg gets pulled over while driving... Officer: Do you know how fast you were going?
W.H.: No, but I know where I am!

Score: 5

A turtle got mugged by a gang of snails... In the aftermath the police officer asked the turtle for details.
Trembling, the turtle mutters, "I... I don't know. It all just... happened so fast!"

Score: 6

I use to like going skiing. But that hobby... Went downhill so fast

Score: 11

Two cows are grazing in a field. One cow says "Hey, did you hear about the Mad Cow Disease? It's spreading pretty fast."

The other cow says "Yeah. Good thing I'm a helicopter."

Score: 14

What do driving and dating have in common? Both end up with you being chased by the police if you go too fast.

Score: 6

I used to think I was a fast reader And I was quite proud of it until I heard about these so called "9- 11 Jumpers" who went through over 100 stories in 10 seconds

...Incoming repost comments

Score: 6

Why do french people love eating snails? Because they hate fast food

Score: 8

A cop stops a speeding guy... - Do you know how fast you were going?
- I was just trying to keep up with traffic!
- There is no traffic...
- Yeah, THAT'S how far behind I am.

Score: 11

What happened to all the Paul Walker jokes? It seems like they started going pretty fast, then just...stopped.

Score: 4

What does Sonic say when's he on a diet Gotta go fast!!

Score: 4

how much is a life-time supply of fast food? Not much.

Score: 5

I hate speed cameras that tell your exact speed I always get lost after knowing how fast I'm going

Score: 4

Why hasn't Mexico won any medals in the Olympics? Because all the Mexicans who can swim well, jump high and run fast are in the United States.

Score: 6

What did the Japanese man say as the Hiroshima sky was filled with the light of an atomic bomb, in a split second? Wow this blew up fast.

Score: 4

I don't know what made me feel more fat That my fast food weighed so much in my passenger seat that my car told be to put a seat belt on it or that I was so concerned with its safety that I actually did.

Score: 6

What does Sonic say on the first day of Ramadan? Gotta go fast!

Score: 4

Wow Monica Lewinski is 50 They grow up so fast. It seems like it was just yesterday, she was crawling around the Oval Office putting everything in her mouth.

Score: 3

What do The Walking Dead and the Fast and Furious series have in common? They both have dead walkers.

Score: 25

Soon after becoming a Muslim, Sonic the Hedgehog realised that the month of Ramadan had already begun... "Gotta go fast!"

Score: 35

So a cop pulled me over one day for speeding... he asked: "excuse me sir, but do you know how long i've been waiting for you?"
i said:" i know, i'm sorry but i tried to get here as fast as i could."

Score: 6