Hilarious France Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest France Jokes

Why is EA the worst gaming company in America? Because Ubisoft is in France.

Score: 25647

A German got pulled over by the police in France *Police officer:* "Name?"

*German:* "Heinrich Klimt"

*Police officer:* "Age?"

*German:* "31"

*Police officer:* "occupation?"

*German:* "No, no. Just visiting"

Score: 9467

Score: 8912

TIL of a reality show where the goal is to do as much drugs as possible without dying or getting caught. It's called the Tour de France.

Score: 2877

A German was going to a trip in France... He reached passport control and the officer asked:

"Name?"

"Hans Kleiner"

"Age?"

"31"

"Occupation?"

"No no, just visiting"

Score: 2347

Solar radiation has turned the American flags on the moon pure white... ...so now it looks like France landed there.

Score: 2284

My girlfriend told me that she wanted to be treated like a princess... So I married her off to a stranger twice her age to strengthen my alliance with France

Score: 1914

What do they call the Hunger Games in France? Battle Royale with Cheese.

Score: 1731

"Mom, mom, quiz me on capitals please!" "Okay, what's the capital of Germany?"

"That's easy, Berlin."

"And the capital of France?"

"Berlin"

"And the one of Poland?"

"Also Berlin."

"Good job Adolf, good job!"

Score: 1456

A German tourist comes to France ...a border control asks him

"Occupation?"

German: No just visiting.

Score: 1236

Did you know the first French Fries weren’t actually cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

Score: 1221

If France and Italy go to war, who would win? None of them, France would surrender and Italy would switch sides.

Score: 908

A German man visiting France He's stopped at customs. The officer asks him, "Name?"

"Hans Muller" replies the German.

"Occupation?"

"No, just visiting this time."

Score: 682

My girlfriend told me she wanted to be treated like a princess So I married her off to a stranger twice her age to strengthen my alliance with France.

Score: 611

France and Italy go to war. Who wins? Neither. France surrenders and Italy switches sides

Score: 567

My daughter told me to treat her like a princess... so I made her marry a man she has never met before in order to secure an alliance with France.

Score: 517

Why are there so many rivers in France? Water flows the path of least resistance.

Score: 474

France and Italy simultaneously declare war on each other France surrenders

Italy changes sides

Both lose

Score: 464

Why do the French make omelettes with only one egg? Because in France one egg is un oeuf.

Score: 450

A boy is studying for his geography quiz His mom asks him:

"What is the capital of Germany?"

"Berlin", says the boy.

"What is the capital of France?"

"Berlin."

"What is the capital of Russia?"

"Berlin."

"You're so smart, Adolf, I know you'll do great on your quiz."

Score: 428

TIL France got a different version of The Force Awakens than the rest of the world. While the international version ends with Rey and Luke, the French version ends with fin.

Score: 419

Why are there so many rivers in France? Water takes the path of least resistance

Score: 402

Who won the first Tour De France? The 2nd Panzer Division.

Score: 400

Why did France give the Statue of Liberty to the USA? Because the French had no use for a statue with only one hand in the air.

Score: 363

I bought the new Call of Duty WWII in France. But for some reason, I can only be a spectator.

Score: 315

French Jokes Who won the first Tour de France?
The 6th Panzer division.

Why do french tanks have rear-view mirrors?
To see the front line.

How many French troops does it take to defend Paris?
No one knows.

Score: 258

The first french fries were not cooked on France. They were cooked in Greece.

Score: 255

I tripped in France Eiffel over

Score: 204

Why does France have so many rivers? Because water follows the path of least resistance.

Score: 171

I went to a place in France last week It was nice.

Score: 148

TIL the American flag on the moon is now bleached completely white by the sun so historians and/or other species would never know it was America that first landed on the moon They'll think it was France

Score: 143

What do they call Miley Cyrus in France? Kilometrey Cyrus.

Score: 131

France and Italy go to war. Who wins? France.

France surrenders, but Italy switches sides.

Score: 111

Who won the first tour de france? The seventh german panzer division

Score: 110

France has a Twitter account but it's only used for retweeting.

Score: 93

If you ever miss the Tour de France, just go to Amsterdam. It's basically the same thing: a bunch of people on drugs riding bikes.

Score: 93

What do they do with the bikes at the end of the Tour de France? They recycle them.

Score: 76

Why are there so many rivers in France? Because water follows the path of least resistance.

Score: 68

Did you hear about the cheese factory in France that exploded? There was nothing left but de brie

Score: 53

Who won the first Tour de france? The 7th German tank division

Score: 53

New France Jokes

I don’t know why everyone thinks France are wussies who are always trying to avoid conflict.. Every time a country wants war, they shout “No Merci!”

Score: 2

I saw a famous rapper on a beach in France today. Guess who it was. Kendrick La Mer

Score: 3

Did you know that the first French fry wasn’t fried in France? It was fried in Greece.

Score: 5

Two germans are on vacation France had closed the border at by Germany, so that couldn't get through. The germans enter through Belgium instead.

Score: 5

Did you know that Solar Radiation has turned the American Flags on the Moon White? Great... Now people will think France has been there

Score: 5

A huge earthquake shook Mexico Around 3000 people died.
The world combined efforts to help Mexico during these hard times.
England gave medicine.
France sent food.
Germany made huge donations.
USA sent 3000 Mexicans to replenish the stock

Score: 14

There’s been a musical written about France’s World Cup Performance The main song is “Don’t cry 4-3 Argentina”

Score: 3

Given the recent events involving France's butter shortages... We can all say that France has seen butter times

Score: 2

If I own a bakery in France... am I the master of pain?

Score: 12

German guy is driving through France He got stopped by a police officer.

Officer: License and registration please

Driver: Here you go officer

Officer: Occupation?

Driver: Nah, just holidays...

Score: 2

I'm not very good at geography But i know the name of one city in France, which is Nice.

Score: 7

Why is EA the worst games company in America? Because Ubisoft is in France.

Score: 6

In every country of the world children play "war" Exept in France where they play "surrender"

Score: 2

Why are everyone mad at Trump for sitting during Retreat? It's France's national anthem

Score: 3

A man in France tried to rob a bank using underwear as a mask... ...the cops put him in jail right after a quick debriefing.

Score: 13

Breaking news: There was a massive cheese factory explosion in France today. There were no casualties, but de brie everywhere!

Score: 6

Who won the first Tour de France? The 3rd German Tank Division.

Score: 11

What do you call a kitchen explosion in early 1800s France? Linoleum Blown Apart!

Score: 1

Why are EA the worst gaming company in America? Ubisoft is based in France

Score: 2

Bob was grocery shopping in France... Cashier: That'll be 20 euros.
Bob: Alrighty!
Cashier: Would you like a bag?
Bob: Sure. Baguette. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Score: 1

How do you call a lift in France ? You push the button.
What did you expect ? Ascenseur ?

Score: 1

TIL that they're all crazy in France. There H20 ain't water!!! For them H2O is Eau.

Score: 2

If a man were born in Russia, raised in Spain, and buried in France, what would he be? Dead.

Score: 9

What did Germany say to France after conquering Poland? Europe next.

Score: 22

What impresses me the most about Tour de France athletes is that they can go for five hours without looking at their cellphones.

Score: 5

Who won the first Tour De France? The German Panzer Division.

Score: 4

Who won the original Tour De France? The 7th Panzer division

Score: 12

You know what they call the Hunger Games in France? Battle Royale with cheese.

Score: 4

Why are there so many rivers in France? Because water takes the path of least resistance.

Score: 8

I want to take the opportunity to thank France for supporting American independence If it wasn't for the French, America would be speaking English right now

Score: 1

What do you get when you cross Prince Charles and the queen? Murdered in a tunnel in France.

Score: 28

What do Princess Diana and champagne have in common? They both came from France in a wooden box.

Score: 1

There was an explosion at a cheese factory in France. De-brie everywhere.

Score: 30

Why does France have so many trees? The Germans preferred to march in the shade.

Score: 2

Why is Ubisoft the worst gaming company in France? Punchline only included in the season pass! Preorder now and get one of 26 randomly chosen bonus characters! 27th character included in Spanish version only.

Score: 8

My teen daughter said, "Dad, treat me like a princess, it's my birthday." So I married her off to a rich 32 year old dude to strengthen my alliance with France who then had her beheaded after giving birth to a daughter.

Score: 2

Nukes What's the next Muslim country that will have nukes?
France

Score: 16

Now that Macron has won in France and Merkel heads Germany... they shall be known by their celebrity couple name: Mackerel.

Score: 6

What do the French say when they retreat from a battle? Vive la France!

Score: 2

What do you call an unclaimed dead body in France? Jean Deaux

Score: 2

Why don't Master Card and Visa work well in France? They do not know how to say "CHARGE!"

Score: 2

If electricity always takes the path of least resistance.. Why doesn't lightning only strike in France?

Score: 2

What do Princess Diana and Champagne have in common? Both come from France in a wooden box.

Score: 10

Why is EA considered the worst company in America? Because Ubisoft is located in France

Score: 1

French Presidential bodyguard accidentally discharges weapon whilst on duty... France & Italy have both offer their immediate unconditional surrender.

Score: 3

Don't blame Trump for this immigration policy, Lady Liberty tried to come over from France 130 years ago and they still haven't let her in!

Score: 3

Mike: I'm really glad I wasn't born in France. Jim: Why?

Mike: I can't speak French.

Score: 2

I took a vacation to a city in France. It was Nice.

Score: 15

Who was the true winner of the 1940 Tour de France? The 7th German Panzer Division

Score: 1

An American boy goes to live in France.. One month later his dad calls:

\- Hey son!

\- Hi dad!

\- How are you?

\- I'm fine.

\- And how is your french going?

\- Taking a bath right now, thanks for asking.

Score: 1

i' ve just bought an house in France, southern coast. It' s very Nice.

Score: 3

What do you call hot women in France? Tourists

Score: 12

A cheese factory in France exploded. All that was left was debris.

Score: 29

I may not have as many Oscars as Leo anymore but... I've still got as many Tour De France wins as Lance Armstrong.

Score: 24

What do you call someone obsessed with France A ouiaboo

Score: 4

What time of day is it in France right now? Mourning

Score: 3

What's the difference between France and Texas. About ten people.

Score: 2

If electricity always flows in the path of least resistance Why doesn't lightning always strike in France?

Score: 51

What'd they call the Hunger Games in France? Battle Royale with cheese.

Score: 4

What is a Princess with a yeast infection called in France? A royal with cheese

Score: 4