Hilarious Grass Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Grass Jokes

What do you call a company that replants fields of grass using cropduster airplanes? A re-seeding airline!



This joke sucks but it's my cakeday and I was told there would be plentiful imaginary internet points .... XD

Score: 1946

Score: 1281

How did the farmer find the sheep in the tall grass? Satisfying.

Score: 1186

Saw a homeless man eating grass in the park... Asked him "why are you eating Grass?"

He said "I'm very hungry"

"Oh. Okay then. Come with me"

You should've seen the look on his face when I showed him my backyard.

Score: 958

How did Kevin Spacey find the little boy in all the Tall grass? Satisfying.

Score: 923

How does a Welshman find sheep in long grass? Irresistible.

Score: 487

I met a girl in the park the other evening. There was instant spark between us. She immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet. As I lay there, making love, I thought, "These taser guns are well worth the money."

Score: 333

‪If I were to be stranded on an island with anyone I would prefer to be stranded with a vegan... Mostly because it's healthier to eat grass-fed meat. ‬

Score: 195

Saw a homeless man eating grass in the park... Asked him "Why are you eating grass?"

He said "I am very hungry."

"Oh. Okay then. Come with me."

You should've seen his face when I showed him my backyard.

**Edit**: Grammar, thanks to /u/linktothepast99

Score: 177

A guy goes to the doctor. A guy goes to the doctor.

"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The green, green grass of home.'"

"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

"Is it common?"

"It's not unusual."

Score: 162

How did the priest find the little boy in the tall grass? Delightful

Score: 145

How did the hillbilly find the sheep in the tall grass? Satisfying

Score: 134

The sign outside the drug rehab facility was very fitting "Stay off the grass."

Score: 94

Two cows are eating grass in a field The first turns to the second and says "Moooooo"

The second turns to the first and says "I was just about to say that"

Score: 87

A woman goes to the doctor Lady: Doctor, I can't seem to stop singing "The green, green grass of home."

Doctor: Looks like you've got Tom Jones syndrome."

Lady: Is it a common disease?

Doctor: It's not unusual.

Score: 85

There’s that moment when you put your steak on the grill and your mouth waters all over from that amazing smell... Do you vegans feel the same when you mow the grass?

Score: 75

Instead of marijuana dispensaries why don't they just call it.. Grass stations

Score: 51

How does a New Zealander find a sheep in long grass? Rather enjoyable

Score: 51

I wish grass was emo... ...then it would cut itself.

Score: 47

How did the Scotsman find the sheep in tall grass? Very satisfying.

Score: 46

I just planted emo grass. Ignore it and it cuts itself.

Score: 46

How did the redneck find the sheep in the tall grass? Satisfying.

Score: 44

i was about to smoke a joint in the park but then i saw a sign that said "keep off the grass" and felt judged.

Score: 41

In Art Class... Teacher: Why did you submit a blank sheet?
Student: That's a cow in the field.
Teacher: Field? Where's the grass?
Student: The cow ate it.
Teacher: Then, where's the cow?
Student: There's no grass left, you expect it to stay there..?

Score: 41

How does a Scotsman find a sheep in the tall grass? Very satisfying.

Retweaked joke:
How does a (insert nationality here) find a sheep in the tall grass?
Very (insert extremely lustful emotion here)!

Score: 40

What do you call an argument you have while you're high? Grass fed beef.

BTW I came up with this myself.

Score: 40

How did the redneck find the goat in the tall grass? Satisfying.

Score: 39

What do you call a Russian cow covered in grass? Moscow!

Score: 38

The shortest tribe in the world The Fuckawee tribe....In the long grass you can hear their chant...Where the Fuckawee!

Score: 36

How does a Welshman find a sheep in tall grass? Attractive

Score: 34

I had to thank my friend for finding my bank card resting in some wet grass. Credit where it's dew.

Score: 33

What’s the best kind of grass for your front yard? Emo grass. Cuz it cuts itself.

Score: 31

I wish my grass was more emo. Then it would cut itself.

Score: 27

How does a Welshman find his sheep in long grass? i r r e s i s t i b l e (͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Score: 21

A guy goes to see his doctor... He says, "Doctor, I can't stop singing the Green Green Grass of Home."

The Doctor says, "Hmmm, it sounds to me like a case of Tom Jones Syndrome."

"Tom Jones Syndrome, is that common?"

"It's not unusual."

Score: 17

Yesterday I took LSD and I wrestled with a grass snake for three hours. On a side note, our garden hose is completely wrecked.

Score: 15

I wish my grass... was emo so it could cut itself

Score: 14

How did the farmer find his sheep in the tall grass? Very satisfying ;)

(Sorry if this has been here but it was new to me)

Score: 12

What did SpaceX's grass smell like after the drones finished mowing it? It had an E-Lawn Musk

Score: 12

If you cut the grass around your deck ... It makes your deck look bigger.

Score: 9

New Grass Jokes

A group of stoner farmers wanted to come up with their own variation of “grass fed beef.” So, they fed cows weed and then sold the beef. It was a high steaks operation.

Score: 0

Emo grass is the best to have for your lawn It will cut itself

Score: 1

When the grass gets burned from the heat in August... ...call that lawndry.

Score: 1

What kind of grass is the best kind of grass? Emo grass since it cuts itself

Score: 7

What do you call a cemetery for poor people? Peasants under grass.

Score: 1

Why should you always walk on the grass when at a park? To avoid the cycle paths.

Score: 1

I really love my emo grass. It cuts itself

Score: 3

I just bought some of that new Emo grass. It’s fantastic as it cuts itself!

Score: 5

What’s the biggest difference about Easter when it doesn’t fall on the 20th? The type of grass you fill the basket with

Score: 1

What do you call a lawn mower that lets you mow grass at an angle? A protractor.

Score: 1

How does the Scitsman find his sheep in the tall grass? Very satisfying.

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How does a redneck farmer find his sheep in the middle of the tall grass? Satisfying.

Score: 2

What do you call arguing vegans? Grass-fed beef.

Score: 4

How did the Scotsman find his sheep in the tall grass? Delightful.

Score: 3

You know that mouth-watering sensation you get when you smell a steak cooking on the grill? Is that what happens to vegans when they mow the grass?

Score: 4

Who makes more money? A lawn mower or a fisherman? The lawnmower... he gets grass income while the fisherman gets net income

Score: 2

I told my dad that I wanted to become a man. So he made me lie down on the ground, then he sprinkled grass and seeds on my pecs. I said, "Why are you doing this?"
He said, "It will put hares on your chest."

Score: 9

A sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center said 'Keep off the Grass.'

Score: 6

After hours of working on every syllable of this masterpiece, I bring you a haiku I've titled "Truth in hindsight" The sky is blue

The grass is green

Jetfuel can't melt steel beams

Score: 3

At a substance rehabilitation center, a sign is displayed on the lawn "Keep off of the grass"

Score: 9

How does a welshman find sheep in long grass? Delightful.

Score: 6

Vegans are disgusting They always go grass to mouth

Score: 4

Do YOU appear as water droplets? Are YOU found on grass, leaves, and window ledges in the morning?

If so, you may be dew condensation!

Score: 6

Why don't they mow the lawn at Hot Topic? The grass cuts itself

Score: 1

What did the water vapor say when the cloud told it to make the grass wet? "Don't tell me what to dew."

Score: 6

I saw a sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center. It said keep off the grass.

Score: 7

What's the end result of a soccer game between Jamaica and Ethiopia? Half the grass is smoked and the other half is eaten.

Score: 4

What's green and got wheels? Grass. I lied about the wheels.

Score: 8

Abraham Lincoln walks out in his garden in heaven and sees his neighbor in his own garden Abraham: "Your grass is getting long, shouldn't you cut it?"
Neighbor: "Yeah... You know, I used to have people for that..."

Score: 4

What time do cows eat grass? 420 graze it

Score: 1

When will the procrastinator cut the grass? In a mow

Score: 2

A grass hopper hops into a bar The barman says: "Hey we've name a drink after you!" The grasshopper replies "You have a drink named Steve!?"

Score: 4

Two goats on top of a hill... There are two goats on top of a hill eating grass. One says to the other I wish this was the kind of grass that gets you high. The other says did we not just climb this hill?

Score: 5

How does a Welshman find sheep in tall grass? Irresistible.

Score: 4

Emo grass It cuts its self

Score: 2

What did the sign in front of the Drug Rehabilitation Center say? Keep off the grass.

Score: 3

My 6 year old told me this joke yesterday: "Why did the fence eat grass?" Because it was dumb as a post.

Score: 1

Why don't Dallas Cowboy fans take their wives to the football games?

'Cause they jump the fence and eat the grass.

Score: 2

What do you call really mean grass? *Agrassive*

Score: 1

What did the apple say to the grass? Nice catch!

Score: 3