Hilarious Hair Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Hair Jokes

So I told my wife she'd look sexier with her hair back Apparently that's not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.

Score: 10115

I recently entered a competition to see who had gained the most weight and lost the most hair. Obviously, it wasn’t called that. It was advertised as a ‘School Reunion.’

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Just found out the local barber has been arrested for selling drugs. I've been a customer of his for 15 years and I didn't even know he cut hair.

Score: 4312

All of the heroes of Overwatch have natural hair colors... Because heroes never dye.

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So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back. Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

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Why is Pavlov's hair so soft? Classic conditioning.

Score: 2069

I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back Apparently, that is an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

Score: 2003

I went to the doctors with hearing problems... He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"
So I replied "Homers fat, and Marge has blue hair"

Score: 1783

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brunette? Artificial intelligence

*edit: I kinda thought it was funny, and* poof *it has 3000 upvotes. Thanks for the motivation*

Score: 1675

I was talking to a girl in a bar last night She said, "If you lost a few kgs, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

Score: 1563

I went to the doctors with hearing problems He said "Can you describe the symptoms?"

I said "Homers a fat bloke and Marge has blue hair"

Score: 1103

My wife said she wanted to see 50 Shades of Grey. So I took a photo of her hair!

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How does the man in the moon cut his hair? (From my 9yo child) Eclipse it.

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I found my first grey pubic hair today I just didn’t expect it to be in my Big Mac

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Why did Pavlov have extra soft hair? Classical conditioning

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Why do bald men cut holes in their pockets? So they can run their hands through their hair.

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I went to the doctor with hearing problems.. He said "can you describe the symptoms?"

I said "Aye, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair!"

Score: 644

My girlfriend got upset when I said she'd look sexier with her hair back Apparently it's harsh to say to a cancer patient.

Score: 627

Went to the doctors the other day and said ‘ I’m having loads of trouble hearing people when they speak’ Doctor said ‘ right ok. Can you describe the symptoms?’
I said ‘yeah Marge has blue hair and homer is a fat bloke’

Score: 610

My son is sort of like rapunzel But instead of letting his hair down he lets everybody down.

Score: 602

I said to my girlfriend that I think she'd look sexier with her hair back… Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

Score: 593

Why did the midget get kicked out of the nudist colony? He kept getting in everyone's hair.

Score: 499

My girlfriend lost all her hair during chemotherapy and she was crying for hours. I said, "Why are you so upset? It's just hair. I'm the one that's gotta find a new girlfriend."

Score: 481

What shape is your hair in the morning? A wrecktangle. (Made up by my 10 year old daughter :)

Score: 460

I suggested my girlfriend she would look sexier with her hair back... Apparently it's an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

Score: 437

Why was Pavlov's hair so soft? Because he conditioned it.

Score: 418

I told my wife she'd look sexier with her hair back. Apparently that's not something you should say to a cancer patient.

Score: 402

I like my pizza like I like my women Absolutely no pubic hair.

Score: 366

Why was Pavlov’s hair so messy? Because he didn’t condition it.

Score: 347

Not everyone can brag about getting a handjob from their barber after a haircut... But then again, not everyone cuts their own hair.

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I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back.. ..which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

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I suggested my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back.. Apparently it was an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

Score: 293

I went to the doctors with hearing problems... He said "Can you describe the symptoms?" I said "Homer's a fat guy and Marge has blue hair"

Score: 291

Doctor: I understand you're experiencing hearing difficulties. Please describe the symptoms. Patient: Well, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair.

^(Posted on behalf of /r/ScottishPeopleTwitter's comment section)

Score: 258

Sometimes i just sit & run my fingers thru my wife’s hair. It's a nice way to tell her i love her.

And also that we're outta napkins.

Score: 246

I have a huge phobia of hair. I dreadlocks.

Score: 245

What do a call a blonde that dyes her hair brown? Artificial Intelligence.

Score: 205

I told a girl she would look better with her hair back and she got really offended. Chemo patients are so sensitive.

Score: 202

Why did the bald man have his hand down his pants? So he could run his fingers through his hair!

Score: 194

I found my first grey pubic hair today. However, i didn't freak out about it like the other people in the elevator.

Score: 190

New Hair Jokes

What do you call it when a blonde dyes their hair brown... Artifical intelligence.

Score: 40

Barber in my town was arrested for dealing drugs... Shame, was his customer for years, never knew he cut hair.

Score: 26

I was sleeping with two twins for while in my 20s.... My friends all asked, "how can you tell them apart?" I replied, "well...Sharon has long blonde hair, and Derek has a beard."

Score: 22

I understand now why women have long hair If I had to pay as much for a haircut, I'd put it off too.

Score: 33

Did you hear about the haunted hair salon? I heard a ton of people have dyed there

Score: 21

How to get gum out of a child's hair? With leukemia.

Score: 123

Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my girlfriends hair... It's a nice to let her know I love her, but more importantly that we're out of napkins.

Score: 13

If you don't get your hair dyed... ...are you staying true to your roots?

Score: 7

What did the Asian man say to his wife when the hospital nursery tried to send them home with a blonde hair, blue-eye baby? Hmmm... two Wongs don't make a white.

Score: 14

I was just boasting at work about how I'm currently sleeping with a set of twins... All the lads were very impressed but one asked;
"How do you tell them apart?"
"Easy", I said, "Michelle has long blonde hair and Dave has a moustache."

Score: 20

They say that coconut water is good for hair. Now, I understand why my pubes are growing like crazy recently.

Score: 152

Guy goes to the doctor with hearing problems... Doctor: Can you describe the symptoms?

Guy: Yeah, Homers the fat one and Marge has big blue hair

Score: 23

Cristiano Ronaldo Went to the barbershop for a new haircut. He went home to his girlfriend and asked, "Well what do you think?". She took a couple of minutes looking his new hair cut over and replied "Well... at least it's not Messi".

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When is it ever ok to punch a midget? When he tells you your girl's hair smells nice

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Which side of a dog has the most hair? The outside

Score: 54

Why do Canadians always have such good hair? Because of all the moose.

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I got a bald person hair gel for Christmas. She immediately started crying when she opened it. I guess the chemo makes her emotional.

Score: 7

We're having a Jamaican themed hair day at work this Friday I'm dreading it already

Score: 50

I lost my job as a baker when I made a customer violently choke. It was my manager's fault for telling me to put my hair in a bun.

Score: 24

What do you call it when a blonde dies her hair black? Artificial intelligence.

Score: 81

Why do so many lesbians have short hair? They just get really excited about scissors.

Score: 144

I've been getting anonymous texts from someone telling me to shower, comb my hair & brush my teeth. I think they may be trying to groom me.

Score: 9

Why did the Italian get kicked out of heaven? He ate too much angel hair

Score: 26

What's the opposite of a Baldwin? Hair loss.

Score: 64

Blonde / Brunette Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes their hair brunette?

A: Artificial intelligence.

Score: 33

What do you call a hair that explodes? Bangs. 😀

Score: 7

Went to the doctors with hearing problems.. He says can ya describe the symptoms,

I said yes Homers fat and Marge has blue hair

Score: 64

Since they don't get their hair cut, guys with dreads must save a lot of money on dates.

Score: 13

Sisters are like cats They get hair everywhere, think they're better than you, and eat all your food.

Score: 13

James Bond gets called into M's office M: I have a job for you. You will have to disguise yourself as a blond businessman called John Smith.

Bond: But I have dark hair! Do you expect me to wear a wig or something?!

M: No mister Bond, I expect you to dye.

Score: 17

I just discovered a major difference between me and Rapunzel. Rapunzel lets her hair down but I let everybody near me down.

Score: 146

I told my wife she would look sexier with her hair back. Apparently that's not a nice thing to say to a cancer patient.

Score: 39

I went to my doctor today and told him I was having problems with my hearing… He said, “Can you describe the symptoms?”

I said, “They’re yellow, Homer’s fat, and Marge has blue hair.”

Score: 7

A blonde dies her hair brown... what do you call it? Artificial intelligence

Score: 69

How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut? With little Caesar's.

Score: 35

What did the midget say to the gorgeous woman on a crowded elevator? Your hair smells nice.

Score: 24

Mommy, why is daddy bald? "Its because he thinks a lot sweetheart"

The kid stared at his mom for a minute and asked

"is that why you have a lot of hair?"

Score: 49

If you only use shampoo ... Then you love your hair unconditionally

Score: 9

A woman is looking at herself in the mirror "Ugh I look so old! My skin is sagging, my hair is turning gray, I've got crows feet..."

Her husband says, "well, at least your eyesight is intact."

Score: 21

How does the sun get its hair cut? 'E clips it!!!

(My son told me that one. I'll be going now....)

Score: 17

People always tell me I shouldn't give my cat a bath... I don't see what the big deal is. Honestly, it's fine once I get all the hair off my tongue.

Score: 41

When is it okay to kick a midget? When he compliments how nice your girlfriends hair smells.

Score: 36

Went to the doctors yesterday... ..I said: "doc, im having problems with my hearing"...."really? Can you describe the symptons?" he replied I said "yes, Marge has blue hair and Homers a fat bloke"

Score: 20

LPT: If you want to treat a girl like a princess, take her out for dinner or play with her hair (simple things can make anyone's day). Alternatively you could pick her up in a Mercedes and crash into a wall.

Score: 9

When do you smack a midget? When they say your hair smells nice.

Score: 48

Human-beings get rich as they grow old: Silver in Hair;
Gold in Teeth;
Sugar in Blood;
Precious Stones in Kidney;
And a never ending supply of Gas!

Score: 24

How do you comb a bee's hair? With a honeycomb!

I'm sorry I found this joke on a popsicle stick please forgive me.

Score: 12

A rope walks into a bar The bartender says "We don't serve your kind".
So the rope walks out, twists himself up and parts his hair and then walks back in.
The bartender asks "Aren't you the same guy who was here a moment ago?".
The rope replies "I'm a frayed knot."

Score: 34

In 15 days, a man with questionable hair and direction will be watched by millions as he takes control of a terrfied group of people who don't know how much they can trust him. But enough about M. Night Shyamalan's new movie Split.

Score: 7

I went to the doctor because my hearing problem The doctor said 'Can you describe the symptoms?'
I said 'Yeah, Homer is fat and Marge has blue hair'

Score: 12

What does Batman use to wash his hair? Conditioner Gordon.

Score: 7

What do you call a blonde who dyes her hair brown? AI (Artificial Intelligence)

Score: 92

Today I was given a box of Jamaican hair extensions.... It was dreadful

Score: 159

What does John Cena wash his hair with? Champ who?

Score: 9

What do you call a natural blonde who dies her hair? Artificial intelligence.

Score: 9

How do you get your hair into shape? You condition it

Score: 8

I told my girlfriend I was unfaithful My girlfriend found blonde hair on the passenger seat of my car, so I had to say that I was cheating on her.

How embarrassing would it be if she knew I sold corn on the freeway?

Score: 7

My buddy has big news... He comes to me one day and says "Dude, you'll never believe it, I'm banging twins."

"That's awesome" I reply "but how can you tell them apart?"

"Easy" he says "Marys got long blonde hair and Steves got a moustache."

Score: 71

What do you call a blonde that dyes her hair brown? Artificial intelligence.

Score: 27

What do you call a blonde who colors her hair another color? Artificial Intelligence

Score: 31