Hilarious Happy Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Happy Jokes

My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel. My dates never seem too happy when I tell them I'm a bus driver.

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The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife... Thank you for everything, Mom.
Happy Mothers' Day!

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What do Jeffrey Epstein and Halloween decorations having common? They don’t hang themselves.

Happy Halloween

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The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife... Happy Mother's Day!

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I named my kid Bob Ross He was a happy little accident.

Edit: Wooo! Front page! I was not expecting that. I woke up today and saw a k after the amount of upvotes I was expecting. Thanks!

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I called a dwarf by the wrong name. He wasn't Happy.

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I like my women like I like my mathematical constants. Round and irrational.

Happy Pi Day everyone!

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Why was 2019 afraid of 2020? Because today they got into a fight, and 2021!

Happy new year y’all!

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I asked a prostitute "How Much For A Hand Job?"

Lady: "50..Do You Want One Honey?"

I: "No…No, it just makes me happy To Know How Much I Save When I Do It My Self"

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My wife's birthday is in two days, and she told me that she would be happy as long as I get her something with a lot of diamonds in it. She's gonna love this pack of playing cards.

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Sad news....I lost my job as a stage designer, I wasn't very happy but left without making a scene.

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Happy Ramadan to all my Muslim brothers and sisters! This month, lunch is on me.

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My wife was happy when I told her a put a load in the dishwasher... Until 9 months later when Consuela's baby came out looking just like me!

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Why does the Mexican guy take xanax? For hispanic attacks

Edit: Happy Cinco de Mayo

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[META] Ever since the sub returned, it's become a hive of circlejerking, reposts, and bad quality. I'm so happy things were able to stay the same.

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Why are mathematicians always so happy? Because the root of their negativity is imaginary.

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With all the bad luck that the US has seen this year... You'd almost think this country was built on an ancient Indian burial ground.

Happy Thanksgiving!

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A man is stranded in the desert when he comes across a genie's lamp. He rubs it and the genie grants him just one wish. The man said, "I could die happy here, if I could just get..." ... one more 's'.

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To the guy who stole my antidepresants, I hope you're happy now

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How to be cool A) Use happy sunglasses emoji

B)

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My girlfriend was standing nude... in front of a mirror and she wasn't happy with what she saw.
She said, "I'm fat and I am ugly I really need a compliment right now."
To which I replied, "Well your eyesight is near perfect..."

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England fans must be pretty happy right now. They've been waiting years for their team to play like Spain.

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I don’t see why Brits don’t celebrate the 4th of July. Surely 240 years of being officially separate from America is something to be happy about.

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Happy Halloween... Why did the Ghost enter the bar... For the BOOOOS

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What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher!

Hahahahahahahahah

you guys have no idea how alone I am.

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Your dog loves you more than your wife does. Want proof? Lock them both in the trunk of your car. Let them out an hour later and see which one is happy to see you.

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Today, I gave a homeless man a watch, a phone, and $300. You won't believe how happy I felt after he put his knife back in his pocket.

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I accidentally rear ended someone at a stop light while not paying attention.. We get out to exchange information, and I notice the guy is a midget. The first thing he says is, "I'm not happy." To which I replied, "Well which one are you then?"

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7 dwarfs in bed feeling happy Happy got out so they started feeling grumpy

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Does anyone else feel that white bread is superior? Or am I just breadjudiced?

Perfect day for a dad joke. Happy Fathers Day, folks!

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A couple was having a conversation, when... ...the husband turns to his wife and tells her: "I bet you can't say one thing that will make me happy and sad at the same time."

The wife thinks about it for a second and then replies: "Yours is bigger than your friends'."

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The seven dwarfs were in the bath feeling happy. So Happy got out.

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I'm actually really happy with Trump's presidency so far. He's had the nuclear codes for a couple of days now and hasn't tweeted them yet.

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I ran into the back of a dwarf's car. He said he wasn't happy. I said "Well which one are you?"

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The 7 dwarves are in the bath, all feeling happy So he got out

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My boss phoned me and he wasn't happy. "You're late!" he yelled. "We've got an important meeting in ten minutes!"

I said, "I'm on my way to my car as we speak."

He said, "Do you think you'll make it?"

I said, "Probably, it's only a few feet away."

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I woke up this morning and realised I didn't have to go to school today. I was so happy... then I remembered I'm an unemployed 43-year-old.

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My sister is moaning and screaming in her bedroom because she is sick. I'm happy that her boyfriend is there to comfort her.

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What do you call a person who's happy on a Monday? Unemployed.

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New Happy Jokes

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves were all in bed, feeling Happy Happy got out, so they started feeling Grumpy

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What's the difference between Jeff Epstein and a cell phone battery? I'm not happy when my cell phone battery dies.

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Husband: Tell me an interesting fact that will make me happy and sad at the same time. Wife: Yours is bigger than all your friends.

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Me and my wife were happy for 28 years.. And then we met each other.

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I had a happy childhood my Dad would put me inside a tire and roll me down a hill, they were Goodyears.

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Being an Indian, my white friends asked me about what Indians did during the festival of Diwali... They got very happy and asked me to take them to India the next time. I don't know what's there to be happy about. I just told them " We blow crackers."

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How do you make an Amish woman happy? 3 Mennonite.

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I just bought some 12 year old scotch Her parents weren't too happy with it though

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What does Bob Ross's paintings and an orphanage have in common? They're both full of happy little accidents

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Only one man is happy about what's going on in Texas. George Strait.
I can just picture him watching the news while singing "All my ex's live in Texas".

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Happy Birthday to anyone who was born today! Sorry your birthday had to be Overshadowed.

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Happy Valentine's Day Restaurant offers 25% discount for men who show up with their wife, 20% discount for men who show up with their girlfriend on Valentine's Day.
It's on the house for anyone who show up with both.

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"Is that a gun in your pants, or are you happy to see me?" Both, now get in the van.

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Why was Dre's grandma so happy when she found out his career choice? Because there was finally a Doctor in the family who could perform her hip op.

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I have recently become a new man I don't drink, i smoke very rarely, i don't stare at girls, i go to sleep early, i wake up early and I work hard everyday. My supervisors are happy with me. I will definitely abandon this lifestyle once i get out of jail.

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How can you tell the difference between a golfer and somebody suicidal? One of them is happy to get a stroke

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I held a door open for an Asian guy and he said "sank you" so i punched him in the face. Serves him right for bringing up Pearl Harbor like that.
PS: Happy 4th of July

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I rear-ended a car the other day and out comes a little person. He says to me, "I'm not happy", so I reply, "Then which one are you?"

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I named my son Bob Ross Because he's a happy little accident.

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A redneck and a midget get into an accident The midget gets out of his car, hands on his hips and squeaks angrily, "I am not happy!"

The redneck spits and drawls "so which one are you?"

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Everyone keeps wishing a Happy Father's Day to "The Best Dad in the World." I'm flattered. But I hope everyone wishes their own dad a Happy Fathers Day as well.

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The Seven Dwarves are in bed feeling Happy Happy got out, so they started feeling Grumpy

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Most kids are like most combo moves Just happy little accidents

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Happy Ramadan to all my brothers and sisters! This month, lunch is on me.

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I am happy to say that I finally quit drinking for good! Now I drink for evil!

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Someone stole my antidepressants Whoever you are, I'm not happy

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Bob Ross wasn't a planned pregnancy He was a happy little accident

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Don't be sad... Don’t be sad when a bird craps on your head. Be happy that dogs can’t fly.

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What's the best way of determining who loves you more - your wife or your dog? Lock them both in your car, unlock it after 4 hours and see which one is happy to see you

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I finally managed to achieve my new years resolution My 4K monitor turned up this morning, I'm so happy!!

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Happy Cinco De Mayo. A Mexican magician says he will disappear on the count of three He says "uno, dos..." then disappears without a tres.

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Why did the angry Jedi cross the road? To get to the Dark Side.

Happy May 4th

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What do you call a bunch of rabbits walking backwards? A receding hare line.

Happy Easter

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I was texting on my phone and accidentally rear ended someone this morning... We Pulled into a residential area, the guy got out of his car and lo' and behold, he's a dwarf. He said, "I am NOT happy!!!" I said, "Well then which one are you?"

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What did the redneck say to his girlfriend today? Happy National Siblings Day!

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Every person has the power to make others happy. Some do it simply by entering a room; others by leaving the room.

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Happy Couple “My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.”
Rodney Dangerfield

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I made a homeless girl happy yesterday when I asked if I could take her home. She got less enthusiastic when I walked away with her box.

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This morning on the way to work I wasn't paying attention and I drove into the back of a car at some traffic lights. The driver got out and it turned out he was a dwarf. The dwarf said "I'm not happy." I said, "Well, which one are you then?"

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I punched a clairvoyant who was laughing at me once. I like to strike a happy medium

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Happy new year! -sent from internet explorer

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Roses are gray. Violets are gray. I'm a dog.

Happy Valentine's Day!

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I once dated a biologist. I don't like to brag, but I always provided her with multiple organisms to keep her happy.

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I'm actually reasonably happy with Trump's presidency right now..... after all, he's had the nuclear codes for a couple of days now and hasn't tweeted them yet.

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My girlfriend and I were so happy for 22 years. Then we met.

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Happy New Years 2013! Hey guys I'm sending this through Internet Explorer, hope you guys had a great 2012!

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Happy New Year #2018 first.

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What's the difference between a happy programmer and a sad programmer? "Hello, world" and "Goodbye, cruel world"

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Woohoo! Donald Trump won the presidential election! As a Clinton voter I'm not happy that he won, just happy that I'm not Mexican

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As a Hilary supporter in Colorado, I'm still happy with the outcome of the election. Since proposition 106 passed I can legally kill myself now that trump won.

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My wife and I were extremely happy for 20 years ....and then we met.

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My wife and I were very happy for 20 years..... But then we met.

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What did the necropheliac say to her boyfriend? Did rigor mortis just set in, or are you just happy to see me?

Edit: I'm an idiot

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Why Aren't SJW's Allowed In The Military? They are too trigger-happy.

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My wife was happy today I came home super drunk last night. She said that when she snuck in bed and was about to tell me off, I said "Go away I have a wife." I don't think she realises I only say that to the ugly girls.

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My husband and I were happy for 24 years. Then we met.

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Hey England, Happy Fourh of July!!! Britain: "What happened to the T?"

America: "We threw it in the Harbor!"

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Why was the binary number so happy? Because of two's compliment!

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A black boy asks his white parents "Daddy why are your and mommy's faces so bright if mine is so dark?" says the kid. The dad looks at him and goes: "Jimmy the party was so wild you should be happy you're not barking now".

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Have you ever wondered whether it is your dog or your wife who is your real friend? Yes? Well if you have, just try this experiment...

Put your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.

When you open the trunk, which one is really happy to see you?

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