James Bond Jokes

Sir Roger Moore, prominent James bond actor has passed away His family say that they are shaken.... but not stirred

James Bond walks into a bar... James Bond walks into a bar.

Michael J. Fox is the bartender.

James Bond says "I'll have a martini."

He does not need to specify.

What do you call James Bond in the bathtub? Bubble-0-7

How does the modern-day James Bond prefer his women? Shaven, not furred

My science teacher told us this James Bond says to a chicken, "I'm Bond, James Bond." The chicken turns and says, "Well I'm Ken, Chic-ken."

I'll see myself out...

If James Bond led such a high-risk lifestyle... why wasn't he James Stock?

-Caroline

Few people know, that James Bond once had a partner, Agent 014 But he was exposed as a double agent.

James Bond retired and turned down a knighthood in England to live in Afghanistan where he became one of the most important men in the middle east. Turns out he wanted to be Sheikh'en, not Sirred.

James Bond gets called into M's office M: I have a job for you. You will have to disguise yourself as a blond businessman called John Smith.

Bond: But I have dark hair! Do you expect me to wear a wig or something?!

M: No mister Bond, I expect you to dye.

Who is James Bond's favorite bartender? Michael J Fox

Q is showing James Bond a new super high tech spy earpiece and Bond says, "why don't I just wear an airPod? Everyone has them hanging out their ears nowadays. I won't draw any suspicion." Q responds, "we researched them. Ours are less expensive."

James Bond. Do you think when he is out of the UK he is known as +44 007?

James Bond orders a sandwich James Bond goes to a deli and orders a club sandwich.

The employee says to him, "Mr. Bond, we have ham or turkey. How would you like it?"

Bond replies, "bacon, not bird."

Did you hear about how James Bond slept through an earthquake? He was shaken, not stirred.

My friend calls me James Bonds while I play Call Of Duty.... 0 - Kills

0 - Assists

7 - Deaths

I'm inventing a glue and calling it James Bond... It's a chemical agent.

Our local cinema is putting on a screening of the new James Bond film especially for dyslexics. Respect

What is James Bonds code name when he is abroad? +4407

What was James Bond after he slept through an earthquake? Shaken, not stirred.

how does james bond prefer his women? shaven, not furred

How does James Bond sleep? Around.

What do you call a james bond film about a calculator? Casio royale

What do you call James Bond in a bathtub? Bubble-O-7

(I'll see myself out.)

A chicken went to James Bond.... Chicken: Hello, how do you do?

James Bond: I'm doing alright

Chicken: What is your name?

James Bond: The name's Bond.....James Bond.How about you?

Chicken: Ken...... Chicken

How much would you pay to watch James Bond's secretary and Bruce Wayne's Butler team up for a Spy Action Thriller? However much, you can bet you'd get your MoneysWorth.

What do you get when you combine Robert Frost and James Bond? The Road Not Shaken but Stirred.

Why is James Bond a terrible motivational speaker? Because the audiences are shaken, not stirred.

They have just announced the release of the new James Bond movie where the lead role is played by a woman. It will be called “Double O .77 cents on the dollar”.

What kind of coffee machine does James Bond use? A Q-rig

What do you call James Bond in a jacuzzi? Bubble-0 Seven

How can you tell if James Bond has died? If he has been shaken and not stirred!!

007 is both James Bonds number and Russias country code, a coincidence...? ...yes, that's a coincidence.

James Bond is supposed to protect people, but he kills more people than he saves. That makes him an ironic bond.

I meet James Bond at my university. I meet James Bond at my university. After some greetings, I ask him: "Whats your GPA?"

James answers: "4

2.4."

At 26 years old. I just learned That the Austin Powers movies are James Bond spoofs.

TLDR: The joke is my life.

what do you call a female james bond? 0077 cents on the dollar

When James Bond visits Arabia, he still prefers his drinks... Sheikhen, not stirred.

What did James Bond say to the CEO of a famous microphone company before he executed him? It's the end of the Røde for you.

James Bond meets a chicken James Bond meets a chicken and he says: I'm Bond, James Bond.

Chicken replies: I'm Ken, Chicken.