Hilarious Johnson Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Johnson Jokes

How does The Rock pee? He Dwaynes his Johnson.

Score: 10754

If I spank Dwayne Johnson... does that mean I hit Rock bottom?

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Camouflage training at the military Captain: I DIDN'T SEE YOU AT THE CAMOUFLAGE TRAINING TODAY JOHNSON!!

Johnson: Thank you sir!

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Did you hear about the new Will Smith/Dwayne Johnson movie? They play star-crossed lovers in the 1920s who are both struggling with a crisis of faith at their sexuality. The working title is:

"Dwayne Will Rock Smith's Johnson"

Score: 93

Casting Dwayne Johnson in a movie is a bold decision... Casting The Rock is a boulder decision.

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If Donald Trump becomes president, and Boris Johnson becomes UK's PM... It'll be like toupees in a pod.

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Dwayne Johnson paid me to clean up and organize his craft room, but sadly, I lost his scrapbook cutting tool. I lost the Rock’s paper scissors.

Score: 71

How does The Rock pee? He Dwayne His Johnson

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How does The Rock Pee? He Dwayne’s His Johnson!

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What is another way of 'saying caught between a rock and a hard place'? Having a threesome with Dwayne Johnson

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Some names make sense. Like "Johnson" was probably given to the son of a guy named "John". Or how someone with the family name "Smith" most likely had some Blacksmiths in the family at some point. But when someone has the name "Dickinson." I draw the line.

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Does Dwayne Johnson purchase bulk shears? No.

The Rock pay per scissors

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At an AC/DC concert... Brian Johnson: You guys ready to rock?
Crowd: YESSSSSS
Brian Johnson: I can't hear you!

Score: 23

Fidel Castro and 11 Presidents Fidel Castro survived 11
Presidents of the United States

-Eisenhower

-Kennedy

-Johnson

-Nixon

-Ford

-Carter

-Reagan

-Bush

-Clinton

-GW Bush

-Obama

But he couldn't take 15 days of Trump

Score: 22

I never realised Dwayne Johnson lived in the apartment above us. All this time we had been living under a rock.

Score: 22

Why is Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson always so sad? Everyone takes him for granite.

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Kobe was one of the best Lakers players of all time But Magic Johnson was definitely the most positive.

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Third party US presidential candidate Gary Johnson just delivered a crushing blow to the Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton campaigns By keeping his mouth shut.

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Best math teacher ever! Mr. Johnson never makes us do any work, so all 25 of us are pitching in $6.17 to get him that cool new $50,000 Corvette he wants. Thanks Mr. Johnson!

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Who decided to call it "Dwayne Johnson's Wrestling Career" instead of... Classic Rock?

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You know, Dwayne Johnson was always a special kid... In third grade, all the other kids drew a family tree. Little dwayne made a family quarry.

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Dwayne Johnson is studying his family history Is that genealogy or geology?

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What's Boris Johnson's favourite TV show? Deal or No Deal

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Good news! Doctor: I have a really good news for you Mrs Johnson

Woman: Well, my name is Ms Johnson

Doctor: In that case, I have a really bad news for you Ms Johnson!

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A few years ago, I used to live next door to both Dwayne Johnson and the pop group that sang ‘Take On Me’. I was stuck between a Rock and A-ha’s place.

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What would Dwane Johnson be if he transformed into a giant mythical bird? He’d be The Roc.

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I want to watch the new Dwayne Johnson movie, but also want to watch the new Kevin Hart movie... I guess you could say I'm caught
between The Rock and a Hart place

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There's nothing scarier then a mosquito coming out of Magic Johnson's house

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Why is Dwayne Johnson the bravest man alive? Because he's Boulder than all the rest!

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Cop walks up to my window and asks, "Mr. Johnson, have you been drinking"? I said, "Why, is there a fat girl in my back seat?"

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Magic Johnson has made it nearly 3 decades with HIV But he couldn’t survive 1 year with LeBron

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Did you hear about Dwayne Johnson and the cinnamon bun? They say it's rock and roll.

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Why does Magic Johnson love the life he lives? Because he went from Negative to Positive.

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I forgot it there was a tropical dress code, today at work. I showed up in a heavy raincoat. My boss (who was angry with me): What the heck Johnson! Didn't you get my email on the dress code?



Me: I take it you've never been to a tropical rain forest.

Score: 3

I heard that Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is thinking in running for President. The only way he's winning if he's going against scissors.

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There have been two presidential impeachments in the history of the United States... One involved a Johnson from the south and some violations relating to a staff member and the other was the 1868 impeachment of Andrew Johnson.

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My boyfriend wanted a threesome with Dwayne Johnson. It was fun, but I wish we had gone a little slower with it, because I found myself between a Rock and a hard place pretty quickly.

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I heard they are going to remake that movie "127 Hours" and cast Dwayne Johnson as the rock.

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"Mommy mommy in school the kids call me shampoo" "Come on Johnson no more tears"

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New Johnson Jokes

How does Earvin Johnson, not have aids?! IT’S “MAGIC” BABY!!

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Why Doesn't Boris Johnson Just Wipe Out All Remainers? Because he's run out or toilet paper

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How does the Rock take a pee? Dwayne his Johnson

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Why should Tories use protection when dealing with Boris? Because a Johnson is known to induce Labour

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Magic Johnson resigned from the Lakers. Which team is he gonna go to next? I've heard the Wizards could use some Magic.

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Why did Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson quit wwe for hollywood? Because at wwe, he was hitting Rock Bottom.

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Magic Johnson walks into the mirror portion of a fun house... Visual Aids.

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So you don't know the nicknames of WWE Superstars? What, are you living under a Dwayne Johnson?

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I got a statue of Dwayne Johnson for outside my house Whenever anyone asks about it, I get to tell them it's in The Rock Garden

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My doctor called with my test results "Just as you suspected, Mr. Johnson, you have hypochondria."

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There was this lion tamer who wore only a loincloth... Claude Johnson

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Gary Johnson woke up the day after the election... Gary Johnson: "What happened? Am I president?"

Doctor: Sir, we found you passed out naked in the desert.

Gary Johnson: Far out man.

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So Magic Johnson is now the President of Basketball Operations for the Lakers... And apparently it was out of line for me to ask if he is running it on his own or if he has aids.

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You are just like Magic Johnson. But without the basketball skills or the height or actually being anything like him, you just have AIDS.

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Gary Johnson is happy with the election results... He's got a new Mountain of Salt to climb.

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Doctor, I need help. I have a bowel movement everyday at 7. But that's very health, Mr Johnson.

It would be but I don't wake up until 8

Score: 1