Ketchup Jokes

Why was the ketchup in the refrigerator embarrassed? He saw the salad dressing! Thank you thank you..

I've been hitting the bottle pretty hard recently. Still can't get the last of that ketchup out though.

Monica Lewinsky walks into a cleaners.... with a dress and yells at the old owner who is hard of hearing

"I need to dry clean my dress"

The owner cups his hand next to his ear

"come again"

"No it's ketchup this time"

A tomato; a tap and a hat were having a race... the tap was running but the hat was on ahead while the tomato couldn't ketchup.

What do french fries do when they met after a long time? They ketchup

I once put ketchup in my eyes In Heinz-sight it was a bad idea

I decided to put some ketchup in my eyes... ...but in Heinzsight, it wasn't a good idea.

If tomatoes are fruit... that means ketchup is a smoothie.

Who won the race? Who won the race? The lettuce, the tomato or the faucet?

The lettuce was a head, the faucet was still running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

I smeared ketchup all over my eyes once... It was kind of a bad idea in Heinz-sight

I could see every bottle of ketchup in the restaurant. Heinz sight is 20/20.

Why are your eyes covered in ketchup? I'm often asked by people: "Why are your eyes covered in ketchup?"

So I tell them it's because Heinz sight is 20/20.

Did you hear about the race between the lettuce and the tomato? The lettuce was a head and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

You know that sound when the ketchup bottle falls against the cabin you just closed? That's the sound of someone else's problem.

I was eating a hotdog the other day and when I took a bite ketchup squirted in my eye. Now I have heinzsight

What's the world fastest fruit? A tomato, nothing else can ketchup :)

How did the hotdog ask the ketchup out? He mustard up the courage.

[OC] Why did the mayonnaise win the running race? Because the tomato sauce couldn't Ketchup.

What is the question most frequently asked by a philosopher? Would you like ketchup with your chips?

Why is it good to wash your eyes with ketchup? Because Heinzsight is 20/20.

Getting laid for me is like getting ketchup out of a bottle easy if i have a knife

Mental illness is on the increase... At least that's what the ketchup bottle told me this morning.

I hit a tomato and ran. The tomato started running after me but it couldn't ketchup.

I dropped a bottle of ketchup on my foot. It caused immense pain to ma toes.

Why do they call it Heinz field? Because the Steelers can’t seem to ketchup.

My wife told me to add ketchup to the shopping list before I went to the store I don't know why since now I can't read what it says

Tomato Family A Papa Tomato, a Mama Tomato, and a Baby Tomato are all walking down the street. The Baby Tomato starts to trail behind. The Papa Tomato turns around and walks over to the Baby Tomato, SMASHES him, and says "Ketchup!"

My girlfriend is like ketchup. I always bang her on the table.

I thought about making a new condiment that was a mixture of Ketchup and Mustard. But then I decided the name KetchTard would be pretty MustUp.

A french fry covered in ketchup fell onto someone’s shoe Without missing a beat, he picked it up and ate it.

A girl saw it and was grossed out. She asked, “Why’d you eat that fry? It was on your shoe!”

He shrugged and said, “Shoe fry don’t bother me.”

A tomato family is walking down the road... when baby tomato falls behind. Daddy tomato goes back, smacks him on the head and says, "Ketchup!"

I get all my gossip from a ketchup bottle Its a very reliable sauce

Had a dream about huge tomatoes chasing me I spent the whole time praying they won't ketchup to me

I’ve invented a machine that sprays ketchup over large groups of people but I need financial investment to get the business up and running. I will be crowd saucing.

A Daddy tomato and a Baby tomato were walking down the street... ...when all of a sudden, Baby tomato started to fall behind, so Daddy tomato turned to Baby tomato and said "Ketchup!"

(I'm really sorry)

Three tomatoes are walking down the street. Mama tomato, Papa tomato and Baby tomato.
Baby tomato starts lagging behind and Papa tomato gets really angry. He walks back to Baby tomato, squishes him and says:
"Ketchup!"

What did Donald Trump get on his SATs? Ketchup

why aren't hotdog ads allowed in nascar? because no-one else would be able to ketchup

So there’s 3 tomato’s .. ... Papa Tomato, Momma Tomato and Baby Tomato walking along the street. Baby Tomato starts lagging behind, and Papa Tomato starts getting really angry. So, he turns around and squishes Baby Tomato and says, 'Ketchup.'