Hilarious Lazy Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Lazy Jokes

Interviewer - Okay, describe yourself in 3 words Lazy

Score: 6502

Score: 3265

My friend asked me to describe myself in 3 words... Lazy

Score: 2613

Depression/suicide jokes are basically yo mama jokes of our generation — they're lazy, unfunny and useless Just like me

Score: 1333

Lazy people fact #4564321564 You were too lazy to read that number.

Score: 1192

I dated a girl with a lazy eye once. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.

Score: 840

My teacher asked me to describe myself in 5 words... Lazy

Score: 700

A toast Wife at the dinner table: Please toast some bread for me.
The lazy husband raised his wine glass and said, "To bread."

Score: 410

Describe yourself in 3 words: 1. Lazy

Score: 322

I just broke up with my girlfriend who had a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone on the side.

Score: 317

So I was dating this girl with a lazy eye... It would have worked out, but then I realized she was seeing someone on the side.

Score: 316

My brother asked me to describe myself in 3 words... Lazy

Score: 312

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye... but I dumped her because she kept seeing people on the side.

Score: 304

If laziness was an Olympic sport... I would be fourth so I wouldn't have to step up on the podium.

Edit: too lazy for dictionaries, thanks /u/ReddSpy

Score: 198

Somebody said today that I'm lazy. I nearly answered him.

Score: 177

I once dated a girl with a lazy eye, It was going well for a few months until I realized she was seeing someone else.

Score: 174

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. I had to break up with her. She was seeing somebody on the side.

Score: 147

Facts About Lazy People #389479305784 You were too lazy to read that number

Score: 139

So I was dating a girl who had a lazy eye It would have worked out, but it turns out she was seeing someone on the side

Score: 129

What do you call a fat kid with 3 teeth and a lazy eye? Names.

Score: 126

I was dating a girl with a lazy eye. Unfortunately I had to break up with her because she was seeing someone else on the side.

Score: 110

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. I broke up with her, though. She was seeing someone on the side.

Score: 99

The scientific term for lazy eye is atchaphoria. One eye is looking atcha and the other is looking phoria.

Score: 99

Why can’t people with a lazy eye be teachers? They can’t control their pupils!

Score: 89

I was dating a girl with a lazy eye. Had to dump her tho. She was seeing someone on the side.

Score: 85

I once dated a girl with a lazy eye. We broke up because she was seeing someone else the entire time.

Score: 80

I used to date a girl with a lazy eye, I had to dump her because she kept seeing guys on the side.

Score: 73

It's not my fault that I'm lazy. It walks in the family.

Score: 68

I once dated a girl with a lazy eye. She was seeing someone on the side.

Score: 66

During an interview, the interviewer told me to describe myself using 3 adjectives. My response was... "Lazy."

Score: 64

My gf told me I should not say anything about her friend's right lazy eye When I met her friend I complimented her on how athletic her left eye was

Score: 61

Doctor gave me 3 months to live... I'm so lazy I missed the deadline, that was 4 months ago.

Score: 55

Why did the man break up with his girlfriend who had a lazy eye? Because she was seeing somebody on the side.

Score: 50

What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats.

Score: 35

I dumped my girlfriend who had a lazy eye I thought she was seeing someone on the side.

Score: 21

I just spoke to my lazy eye surgeon. I wish he was more energetic.

Score: 19

I was told by the vet that i had to put my cat down... So i went home to it and said "You're fat and lazy."

Score: 15

Today I was in the elevator with a guy who only rode to the second floor. He couldn't even bother to take one flight of stairs? How lazy. That's probably how he got to be in a wheelchair.

Score: 13

What kind of exercises do lazy people do? Diddly-squats

Score: 11

I had a crush on a girl with a lazy eye..... We never hooked up, she was always seeing someone else.

Score: 11

New Lazy Jokes

Did you hear about the lazy fry cook. With him a job well done was pretty rare.

Score: 0

Man: *walks into a lazy-boy recliner outlet with a valid certificate for “any single chair the possessor desires in exchange for one, ‘sit-down’ conversation[,]” and politely shows the manager.* Manager: “take a seat...”

Score: 0

Why all the hate against lazy people? They’ve done nothing to deserve it...

Score: 0

I am so lazy that don't complete anything. Not even..

Score: 0

I told my son that I wished he could fat, stupid and lazy for just one day because his being that way every day is getting old.

Score: 0

What do you call a lazy weed-user? A baked potato

Score: 0

What basketball team does a lazy high school student hate the most? The Pacers

Score: 0

I've been really lazy and goofing off all day... Turns out it was because when I got out of bed this morning I put on slacks.

Score: 0

As a lazy 26 year old, my motto is, if you know someone who wants to succeed as bad as they want to breathe they can probably get you a job

Score: 1

My supervisor at the nuclear plant is really lazy. I just found out one of the reactors was malfunctioning and asked him what we were going to do about it.

His answer was "Well that sounds like a U problem".

Score: 2

I dumped a girl i was with because of her lazy eye Turns out we could never see eye to eye on anything.

Score: 2

One boy is so lazy He wakes up early so he can spend more time doing nothing.

Score: 1

The girl with a lazy eye I met today was looking just right ...and left

Score: 2

Never go out with someone with lazy eye. They'll always be seeing someone else on the side.

Score: 5

What do you call a lazy sikh? Relax Singh.

Score: 1

A recent study shows that out of 2,385,529,627 people. 85% were too lazy too read that number.

Score: 5

What type of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats

Score: 7

My wife said I'm lazy... I almost told her how wrong she is.

Score: 10

Take Heart You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.

Score: 1

What did the bishop say to the lazy priest? You need to exorcise more.

Score: 9

I've always wanted to get the word LAZY tattooed on my left hand Ive just never gotten around to doing it.

Score: 2

If you have to describe yourself in one sentence what would it be? Lazy.

Score: 5

Three reasons I'm not rich: 1. I'm lazy.

Score: 6

What exercise do lazy people do? Diddly squats

Score: 2

A guy with a lazy eye is sitting at a bar... drinking his sorrows away. The bartender notices the man is upset and asks, "What's wrong buddy?"

The guy says, "Well my wife left me, she thought I was seeing someone on the side."

Score: 4

What do you call a lazy wasp? A Wannabee

Score: 8

I never trust octagons. They're always lazy, just squares that cut all the corners.

Score: 10

What compound is found in a lazy person's brain? Sodium Procrastinate

Score: 8

My wife got mad at me because I said she was lazy. She says she so upset she's going to leave me, just as soon as I pack her suitcase.

Score: 2

What did the librarian say to the lazy student? read more...

Score: 3

The moon landings are staged and, in fact, completely created by a film crew and everything. The only thing is that the director was too lazy so he said just to film it on location.

Score: 3

I've had it with my girlfriend and her lazy eye. She keeps seeing guys on the side.

Score: 4

What do you call a lazy gangster? A potato Crip.

Score: 3

What do you call lethargic pasta? Lazy anya

It was a stretch but I made it work I think

Edit: Please don't kill me

Score: 2

Where did the lazy quantum mechanics student say his project was in a box

Score: 3

A man is walking down a hallway when he accidentally bumps into a woman with a lazy eye... "Hey! Why don't you watch where you're going!" She exclaims. The man replies, "Why don't you go where you're watching?"

Score: 3

Did you hear about the lazy teacher who passed everybody in the class? He didn't give an F!

Score: 1

I recently dated a girl with a lazy eye. Had to dump her after a week though, I'm pretty sure she was seeing somebody on the side.

Score: 8

I know this one lazy mexican He also has three jobs..

Score: 1

A clothing store down the street from me has gotten really lazy with their customer service I just saw them put up a sign that says "Suit yourself!"

Score: 2

Starbucks staff are so lazy I only asked for a small coffee and they said "that's a tall order."

Score: 2

Why are Puerto Ricans & Mexicans discouraged from marrying each other? Bc their kids will be too lazy to steal.

Score: 5

My mule is pretty lazy... ... Always doing half-assed work.

Score: 3

Sarah, i understand that you are a feminist... ...but you can't end your prayer with "awomen" instead of "amen"
credits to an anonymous facebook post of which i was too lazy to read the name

Score: 2

People who process expired passports are so lazy they’re always cutting corners.

(Joel Dommett)

Score: 4

Why do American's take letters out of words? Because they're lazy, and they hate U.

Score: 1

A funny worldwide survey A recent worldwide survey showed that out of 2,146,703,436 people, 94% were too lazy to actually read that number.

Score: 4

Lazy fact 25428394692846 You didn't read that number

Score: 1

What's the difference between a lazy overeater and a flirtatious emo? One is Sloth the Gluttonous the other is Goth the Sluttiness.

Yep made that up on the way home today... Sorry.

Score: 1