Hilarious Leg Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Leg Jokes

Score: 1729

I got a handjob from a blind girl the other day... She told me it was the biggest she'd ever had.

I said, "Aww, you're just pulling my leg."

Score: 933

Where do horses go when they break a leg? The Horse-pital!

Just kidding, they get shot.

Score: 858

I'm not sure I believe all this stuff about genetically modified food being bad for you... I feel fine and I just had a really tasty leg of salmon...

Score: 690

Did you hear what happened to the guy whose left arm and left leg got chopped off? He's dead.

Score: 469

There was a man with a wooden leg called Steve. I wonder what was his other leg was called.

Score: 332

You can't hang a man with a wooden leg, You need a rope.

Score: 322

What do you call an Asian lady with one leg longer than the other?? Irene

Score: 270

Saw a man standing on one leg at an ATM I asked him what he was doing and he said he was checking his balance.

Score: 265

Scientists have discovered why flamingos stand on one leg Because if they lifted the other one as well, they'd fall.

Score: 216

I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places... He said to stop going to those places.

Score: 202

Honestly, I don't mind leg day at the gym It's just the two days after that I can't stand

Score: 184

Vader has a pretty sweet suit. It must have cost at least an arm and a leg.

Score: 172

I invented a sandal for people with one leg. It was a flop.

Score: 149

What do you call an Irish woman with one leg shorter than the other? Ilene.

What do you call a Japanese woman with the same affliction?

Irene.

Score: 139

Did you hear that the World Hokey Pokey Champion has died? At the undertakers, they were putting him into the coffin. They got his left leg in. That's when the trouble started...

Score: 136

What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with one leg?

Steak.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Your mom.

Score: 107

So I slept with a blind girl last night. She mentioned how big I was down there. I replied, 'you're pulling my leg!'

Score: 105

How much does a red lightsaber cost? An arm and a leg

^^edit: ^^slightly ^^improved ^^punchline

Score: 103

Goofy tripped over a stone and got hurt Mickey Mouse : Hey Goofy ! Are you okay?

Goofy(crying) : No i got hurt on my knee!!

Mickey Mouse : Oh No ! Which knee?

Goofy(pointing to his leg) : Disney

Score: 81

I saw a guy at an ATM with no arms, and a peg leg He asked if I would help him check his balance... so I pushed him over

Score: 80

An economists left leg is on fire and his right leg is frozen... He says "on average I'm perfectly fine".

Score: 80

I went to an archaeologist’s party where we were excavating a lower leg bone. It was quite the shindig.

Score: 80

My grandpa returned from the war with one leg. We still don't know to whom that leg belonged.

Score: 79

People in wheelchairs just don't get humor. They never know when you're pulling their leg.

Score: 75

A magician lost a leg during his performance. The audience was suprised he could pull it off.

Score: 75

Firetruck game Boy: Lets play the firetruck game.

Girl: How do you play?

Boy: I run my fingers up your leg, and you say, "red light" when you want me to stop.

Girl: Okay :)

*Few seconds later*

Girl: RED LIGHT!!

Boy: Firetrucks don't stop for red lights ;)

Score: 74

What do you call an Asian man with one leg? Tai-Wan-Shu

Score: 72

Why do midgets wear short dresses? So they can show off a little leg.

Score: 69

I went to a blind prostitute the other day She told me I was the biggest she'd ever laid her hands on.

I said "nah, you're pulling my leg"

Score: 69

There was a father and son.. The father is a war veteran. He also has a prosthetic leg. One day, his son asks..

"Dad, did you ever get shot in the army?"

The father responds, "No, I got shot in the leggy"

Score: 67

A pirate walks into a bar..... with a peg leg, a parrot on his shoulder, and a steering wheel on his pants.

The bartender says, "Hey, you've got a steering wheel on your pants."

The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It''s driving me nuts."

Score: 39

In order to finish my 2016 resolution, i cut off my left leg... That way, I'll reach my goal of losing 20 pounds AND start 2017 off on the right foot!

Score: 37

I shot a hipster in his leg now he's a hopster.

Score: 31

Did you ever hear about McDonald's sending 10 million straws to Ethiopia.. Ethiopia wrote back and said thanks for the leg warmers

Score: 28

How do cannibals get ready in the morning? Just like anyone else they wakee up, get out of bed, put on their pants and eat breakfast, one leg at a time.

Score: 20

Did you hear about the gummy bear with only one leg? He lost the other one in Nom.

<all credit to my daughter>

Score: 16

Did you hear about the poor waitress who lost her leg in a freak accident? Now she's working at IHOP.

Score: 15

Day 20: Still lost at sea. Crew thinks I know how to plot a course with a compass protractor. I just like making it walk on the map. Pointy leg man

Score: 14

What's a pirate's least favourite letter? P. It's like an R, but missing a leg.

Score: 14

New Leg Jokes

Accidentally swiped my donor card instead of my debit card today... my groceries ended up costing me an arm and a leg

Score: 3

Where does a one leg waitress work? Ihop...

Score: 3

I had a terrible labor day weekend. My wife was in a horrible car crash and lost her left leg and left arm. She's all right now.

Score: 3

Where does a lady with one leg work? IHOP

Score: 7

What did the policeman say when he saw a man with one leg, no arms, and 3 heads? Hello Hello Hello , you look (H)armless but hop it.

Score: 4

What says the nymphomaniac's right leg to her left leg, at the end of spring break ? "Long time no see !"

Score: 4

Where did the lady with one leg work? iHob

Score: 4

When birds are flying in a V shape, why is one leg of the V longer? There are more birds on that side!

Score: 3

What do you call a Jamaican with a broken leg? Usain Halt.

Score: 4

I went to a fortune teller and they said in 30 minutes I would get dirt on my leg... I guess it's just dusty knee

Score: 7

If you break your leg... put some herbs on it. I mean, thyme heals all wounds.

Score: 4

A restaurant in my town just started serving human body parts. They've really got a leg up on the competition now.

Score: 9

Jack the ripper walks into a Bar... and orders Isabella's Islay scotch. Bartender warns "It will cost you an arm and a leg".

Jack the ripper's reply:"its a deal"

Score: 5

So there's this blind girl giving a guy a handjob at a party... She says "wow! This is by far the biggest I've ever felt!"

The guy says "ah, you're pulling my leg."

Score: 5

Before I Injured my leg girls used to run away from me Now they just walk

Score: 7

The police were tracking down a serial killer. The police were tracking down a serial killer who would dismember his victims and sell their body parts. He was caught after trying to sell three feet at a yard sale. The bail cost him an arm and a leg.

Score: 7

I had a very expensive amputation. It cost me an arm and a leg.

Score: 3

A person with three eyes, no arms and one leg is hitchhiking. A British guy pulls over and says, "Aye! Aye! Aye! You look 'armless. Hop in."

Score: 11

Some men are leg men; some men are breast men Me? I enjoy the whole chicken.

Score: 7

I know how to lose over 20 lbs instantly but it costs an arm and a leg

Score: 5

A diabetic friend I was talking to my diabetic friend the other day. He said, "this new high sugar diet I'm on is great! I lost 30 pounds already. Cost me an arm and a leg though..."

Score: 9

What do you call a lady pirate with one leg? Peggy

Score: 5

Why don't cows skip leg day? To keep their calves in shape

Score: 3

Why do flamingos stand on one leg? Because if they stood on no legs they would fall down

Score: 9

You do the hokey-pokey.. The man who invented the hokey-pokey died today. It was a weird funeral. First, they put his left leg in.......

Score: 3

What do you call a Japanese woman with one leg? Irene

Score: 8

I'd love to you a joke about Edward Elric... but it will cost an arm and a leg.

Score: 7

The man who wrote the Hokey Cokey just died. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him in the coffin. They put his left leg in... and then the trouble started.

Score: 4

The other day, Iron Man broke his leg in his unbreakable armour. So much ironknee

Score: 8

I've got a prosthetic leg. I just hope it's previous owner got home okay.

Score: 12

My horse got shot So I had to break its leg.

Score: 3

What do you call a woman with only one leg? Ilene.

Score: 3

What do you call a girl with 1 leg? Eileen.

Score: 5

My dog is an amputee and his fake leg fell off while we were showing it to our friends. It was quite the faux paw.

Score: 14

What did Prince William's left leg say to his right leg? meet you at the royal ball.

Score: 3

What do you call... What do you call a cow with no legs?
-Ground beef

What do you call a cow with 1 leg?
-Lean beef

What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
-Your mom

Score: 2

Paul Ryan is never known to skip Leg Day But is nowhere to be found on spine day

Score: 4

My brother lost both his left arm and leg in a car crash.. He's all right now.

Score: 11

Why did Jeffrey Dahmer move to a larger apartment? He needed more leg room.

Score: 4

What happened to the american man who broke his leg? He went... broke.

Score: 2

Larry La Prise, the creator of the hokey pokey died this week.... Every thing went well with the funeral except putting the body in the casket

They put the left leg in....

And then the trouble started

Score: 6

A doctor helped me lose 20 kg in a few hours but it was really expensive Cost me an arm and a leg.

Score: 6

Two roosters go to a strip club... ... The first says to the second: "Are you a leg or a breast man?"

Score: 2

What do call an Asian woman with one leg longer than the other? Irene

Score: 5

Did you hear about the goblin whose left arm and left leg cut off? Guess what he's alright now!

Score: 2

What will kill you on leg day? Suicide squat.

Score: 3

Why did the celiac patient have to skip leg-day? Because he's allergic to glutes

Score: 2

wooden leg named smith My friend said he knew a man with a wooden leg named Smith.
So I asked him "What was the name of his other leg?"

Score: 2

I saw a centipede going in circles because it had an extra leg on the left side... ...It was odd.

Score: 2

A serial killer leaves his mark on his victims by cutting off their left hand and right leg. Authorities say something sinister is afoot.

Score: 4

They say you can't skip leg day Ironically it is because of leg day that you can't skip.

Score: 3

If a well endowed woman works at Hooters, where does a guy with an amputated leg work? IHOP

Score: 2

Who would steal an artificial leg? I’m stumped.

Score: 6

Double leg amputees are the worst... ...I can't stand them

Score: 9

Why a centipede cannot fly coach? Not enough leg room!

Score: 4

Why are double amputees always wrong? Because they don't have a leg to stand on.

Note: I'm a right leg amputee and I made this up myself.

Score: 10

I tried to tell my daughter some jokes…. Me: What do you call a cow with no legs?

Her: Ground beef.

Me: What do you call a cow with one leg?

Her: Steak.

Me: What do you call a cow with two legs?

Her: Mommy.

Score: 7

What kind of work out do parrots have on leg day? SQUAAATS!

...Polly want a cracker.

Score: 4

Why is Hellen Keller's leg yellow? Her dog is blind too

Score: 3

Did you hear about the dancing girl? She danced on one leg and then the other, but she made her living between the two of them.

Score: 10