Hilarious Legs Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Legs Jokes

What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Yo momma.

Score: 14483

Score: 11169

"Hey son, what has 4 legs and doesn’t breathe?” “You’re not fooling me dad, a chair!”

“Not this time, your dog died.”

Score: 10462

I went to the bar last night and saw a BIG woman dancing on a table. I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so?"
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Score: 7563

I'm taking Viagra for my sunburn It doesn't cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs

Score: 6246

What's E.T. short for? Cus he's got little legs

Score: 5531

I just flew in from Chernobyl And boy are my arms legs.

Score: 2549

What has 132 legs and 8 teeth? The front row of a Toby Keith concert.

Score: 2142

How to be insulting A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table.

He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!"

She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?"

The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Score: 1896

Nice Legs.. A man goes to a bar and sees a 'larger' girl dancing on a table.
He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!"
She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?"
The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Score: 1780

"Hey son, what has 4 legs and doesn't breathe?" "Haha you can't fool me again, dad. A chair!"

"Not this time. Our dog died."

Score: 1755

Why does a milking stool only have three legs? Because the cow has the udder.

Score: 1547

what has 2 legs in the morning and 3 in the afternoon? I have no idea but it's in my basement please send help.

Score: 1433

What walks on 8 legs until it's one years old, 4 legs until it's twenty years old and then 2 legs for the remainder of it's life? Fred and George Weasley.

Score: 1372

Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs? To avoid being mistaken for feminists.

Score: 1315

I have a dog with no legs called Cigarette. Every day, I take Cigarette out for a drag.

Score: 1260

What do you call a cow with no legs? My severely diabetic sister.

Score: 1249

I have a dog with no legs I call him cigarette. Every night I take him out for a drag.

Score: 1186

Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs? To avoid being confused with feminists.

Score: 1115

What‘s E.T. short for? Because he has little legs.

Score: 1070

Why have sumo wrestlers began shaving their legs? They were getting tired of being mistaken for feminists

Score: 1009

How do you call a cow with no legs? You don't, because cows don't have phones.

Score: 955

What has 72 legs and 26 teeth? The first row of a country concert.

Score: 954

I like the smell of mothballs. But it can sometimes be hard getting their little legs apart.

Score: 916

A dad asks his son, "What has four legs but isn't alive?" The son says,"Nice try dad, a chair!"

"Not this time son, our dog is dead"

Score: 847

What has 4 legs and 1 arm? A Pitbull coming from the childrens play ground

Score: 829

Where do you find a dog that has no legs? Where you left it.

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My dog has no legs. I call him Cigarette. Every night I come home from work, I take him for a drag.

Score: 786

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef! What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef!!!!! What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom.

Score: 762

Why do sumo wrestles shave their legs? So that you can tell them apart from feminists

Score: 742

I went to a bar last night and I saw a fat chick dancing on a table.

I said "Wow, great legs."

She giggled and said "Really?"

I said "Yea, most tables would've collapsed by now."

Score: 497

A man says to his son: "Hey son, what has 4 legs and doesn't breathe"?" "You're not fooling me dad, a chair!!"

"Not this time, your dog died."

Score: 455

I went to a pub last night and saw a fat girl dancing on a table... I said, "Good legs."
The girl giggled and said, "Do you really think so."
I said, "Definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Score: 381

What do you call a dog with no legs? Don't bother calling it, it won't come

Score: 281

What do you call a mouse on 2 legs Friend "i dont know"
Me "mickey mouse"
Me "what do you call a duck on 2 legs"
Friend "donald duck"
Me " all ducks idiot"

Score: 218

What has 2 grey legs and 2 brown legs? An elephant with diarrhea...

Score: 198

I would like to thank my arms For always being by my side

I would like to thank my legs for always supporting me

And I would like to thank my fingers because I can always count on them

Score: 143

Sumo wrestlers have to make sure their legs are always shaven So people don't confuse them with feminists

Score: 139

I just flew back from Chernobyl And boy are my arms legs!

Score: 131

[Repost] what has 8 eyes and 8 legs? 8 pirates

Score: 123

New Legs Jokes

Did you hear about the old woman named able? Every time someone insulted her, she broke their legs.

Thats how everyone learned not to diss able

Score: 12

Which mouse can walk with two legs? Mickey Mouse. But which duck can walk with two legs? All of them dumbass

Score: 15

I really hate being a comedian so I broke my legs Guess who’s not doing stand up comedy

Score: 13

What do you call a kid with no legs and one eye? Names.

Score: 27

so I went to the bar last night and saw this fat girl dancing on a table... I said "Good legs." The girl giggled and said "You really think so?" I said "Definitely, most tables would have collapsed by now."

Score: 68

My dad asked me: "Son, what has four legs and doesn't breathe?" I said "You're not fooling me again dad, a chair"

He answered "No, your dog died"

Score: 25

What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter, it's not gonna come.

Score: 15

I got pulled over doing 69 in a 55 last night. I'm pretty sure I was speeding too, but the cop just kept focusing on the legs around my head being unsafe.

Score: 11

What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn’t matter what you call it, it’s not gonna come

Score: 16

Did you know cats can jump higher than a house? This is largely due to the cats powerful hind legs and the fact houses cant jump.

Score: 31

What do you call the boy with no legs and no arms? Names.

Score: 55

What's a phrase you can't stand to hear? "Sorry sir, but we had to amputate both legs.."

Score: 50

My girlfriend left me after I lost both my legs in an accident She said she was lack toes intolerant.

Score: 14

Scientist: Let's name this spider Long Legs, for its long legs Scientist 2: Hmm not kinky enough

Score: 28

What was the last thing that went through Joe's head when he jumped off a 10 story building? His legs.

Score: 20

Wow, nice legs! A man goes to a bar and sees a fat girl dancing on a table. He walks over to her and says, "Wow, nice legs!" She is flattered and replies, "You really think so?" The man says, "Oh definitely! Most tables would have collapsed by now."

Score: 63

What's E.T. short for? he has small legs.

Score: 16

A chef lost one of his legs in a kitchen accident... ... now all he cooks is Lean Cuisine.

Score: 11

Where would you find a dog without legs? Where you left it.

Score: 16

What was two wings, but cannot fly; two eyes, but cannot see; and two legs, but cannot walk? A dead bird.

Score: 39

Older lady in the bus snaps at a guy with a dog... Please get that thing away from me. I can feel flees on my legs.
Dog owner to dog: Rex move away, the lady has flees

Score: 24

What do you call someone with no legs doing Karate? Partial Arts.

Score: 120

Doctor, Doctor! I can't feel my legs! Yes, I know. We had to amputate your arms.

Score: 14

Why do flamingos stand on one leg? Because if they stood on no legs they would fall down

Score: 9

DOCTOR DOCTOR Doctor Doctor, I can't feel my legs!
Yes, I'm very sorry Mr Smith, we had to amputate your arms

Score: 15

I have 3 legs, 5 arms, 7 eyes and 19 belly buttons. What am I? A liar.

Score: 11

Guy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Sorry, but alcohol is bad for my legs.

Guy: Do they swell?

Girl: No. They spread.

Score: 14

What has no legs and sounds like a dog? A log

Score: 39

What two things in the air can get a woman pregnant? Her legs.

Score: 9

What is fuzzy, has 4 legs and if it fell from a tree it would kill you? A pool table

Score: 15

What do you call a drummer with no arms and no legs? A headbanger

Score: 36

What do you call a pig mixed with a centipede? Bacon and scrambled legs.

Courtesy of my 6 year old daughter. She said she made it up and I can't verify that but it cracked us up so I thought I'd share.

Score: 77

A guy brings his girlfriend a bouquet of flowers "Well I guess I'll have to spread my legs now" she says.

Guy says "What for!? Don't you have a vase?"

Score: 16

What do you call a dog with no legs? Doesn't matter what you call it, it's not coming anyways.

Score: 11

What's green has four legs and would probably kill you if it fell out of a tree? A pool table.

Score: 13

What did one of the blonde's legs say to the other one? "Between you and me, we could make a lot of money."

Score: 14

What do you call a guy with no arms and no legs on your front porch? Matt

Score: 13

What's the worst part of eating rabbit? Their little legs kicking you in the forehead.

Score: 12

What are two things in the Air that can make a Girl pregnant Her legs...

Score: 105

What has 7 eyes and 7 legs? A ship with 7 pirates

Score: 30

What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn't matter what you call him, he's never gonna come.

Score: 10

What's got 2 legs and bleeds all over? Half a dog

Score: 13

What do women and KFC have in common? Once your done with the legs and thighs you have a greasy box to stick your bone in.

Score: 18

Why does a milking stool have only 3 legs? Because the cow has the udder.

Score: 86

I got a dog with no legs..... I call him cigarette because I take him for a drag every night.

Score: 96

What has 200 legs and 40 teeth? The first row at a Trump rally.

Score: 105

What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom

Score: 33

What do you call a kid with no arms or legs and an eye patch? Names.

Score: 25

I have 3 heads, 4 legs, 6 hands and 416 fingers, what am I? A liar.

Score: 11

What do you call Mike Tyson with no arms and no legs? Anything you want.

Score: 11

What has 60 legs and 8 teeth? The front row of a Country concert

Score: 33

FOX new has saved my legs! I got into a terridle car crash and and lost the use of my legs. When I was in the hospital, FOX news came on the TV. I got up to change the channel.

Score: 12

Dad: "Hey son, what has four legs and doesn't breathe?" Son: "Haha, you can't fool me again Dad! A chair!"
Dad: "Not this time, son. Our dog died."

Score: 16

I've always wondered what mothballs smelled like. But I could never get their tiny legs apart to find out.

Score: 62

Where do you find a five year old with no legs? Exactly where you left him

Score: 43

A patient wakes up and yells "I can't feel my legs!!!" The doctor says, "Of course you can't! I amputated your arms."

Score: 20

What do you call a dog with no legs? You don't call him anything, we both know that he's not coming

Score: 9

My dog's got no legs, I call him cigarette ...... Because every night I take him out for a drag.

Score: 17

What is better than getting a gold medal at the paralympics? Having legs.

Score: 15

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs playing in a pile of leaves? Rustle

Score: 15