Hilarious Lettuce Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Lettuce Jokes

I trapped a couple of vegans in my basement. At least I think they're vegan. They keep shouting 'lettuce leaf!'

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That rabbi's gone crazy! He's been running around a circumcising all kinds of lettuce... and that's just the tip of the iceberg.

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'Doctor, there's a piece of lettuce sticking out of my bottom.' The doctor asks him to drop his trousers and examines him.

The man asks: 'Is it serious, doctor?' and the doctor replies: 'I'm sorry to tell you, but this is just the tip of the iceberg.'

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I just got fired from the grocery store for being too violent... ...all I did was put out a sign that said, "take lettuce from top of pile or heads will roll!"

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(OC) one I thought up this morning What did the vegetarian lion say before going hunting?

"Lettuce prey"

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What do you do with epileptic lettuce? You make a seizure salad.

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What do you call and epileptic in a lettuce field? A seizure salad

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What did the religious lettuce say to the other vegetables? ...Lettuce pray

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Attention everyone: there is a national lettuce shortage everyone please romaine calm

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What do you call a chicken looking at lettuce? Chicken sees a salad.

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What do you call a hen looking at lettuce? Chicken sees her salad.

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What do farmers say when they want to party? Hay, lettuce turnip the beets

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What can you make with epileptic lettuce? A seizure salad

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My family was being held captive by a salad It wouldn’t lettuce leaf

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What do you call a chicken staring at lettuce? Chicken sees a salad

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Asked my dad what LGBT stands for He started with "Lettuce? Bacon. Tomato. What's the 'g' for?"
Obviously I had to reply with "Garnish".

[True story. My dad is not an idiot either, totally normal human.]

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Why did the lettuce blush? It saw the salad dressing!

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What do you do with epileptic lettuce? Make a seizure salad.

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Who won the race? Who won the race? The lettuce, the tomato or the faucet?

The lettuce was a head, the faucet was still running and the tomato was trying to ketchup.

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Speaking of corny jokes: how do you win a race against vegetables? You have to get ahead of lettuce!

Ahahahahaha!

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If marijuana is the devil's lettuce His salads must be dope

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Welcome to the church of vegetables... Lettuce pray.

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At the end of the day, we’re all human beans Together we will rice. Now lettuce pray. Ramen.

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What do you call an epileptic in a lettuce patch? A seizure salad!

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I couldn't decide how much lettuce to buy Until someone helped me think it through. Turns out, two heads are better than one.

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What do you call a chicken looking at a lettuce? Chicken Caesar Salad

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A woman goes to the doctors with a piece of lettuce sticking out the top of her underwear The doctor says "that looks nasty", the woman replies "that's just the tip of the iceberg"

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What did the priest say before eating his salad? "Lettuce pray"

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Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray.

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What did the D.J. say to the Vegetable Farmer? Lettuce turnip the beet.

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A vegetable joke: One day, Mr. Lettuce and Ms. Kale got into a fight over who wears green better. Ms. Kale looks at Mr. Lettuce and says, "I will kale you" and Mr. Lettuce says, "Lettuce fight"

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What do you call a chicken looking at a lettuce? Chicken Cesar Salad

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Why did the chicken stare at a piece of lettuce? Because chicken sees a salad.

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I'm epileptic. My friend dumped a bunch of lettuce on me. I am now a seizure salad.

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What do you call a chicken looking at a lettuce? Chicken-caesa-salad.

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A waiter says to a customer "Excuse me, miss, but you appear to have some lettuce stuck in your pants." "That's just the tip of the iceberg." She replies.

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What do you call it when a chicken stares at a lettuce? Chicken Cesar salad

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What do you call a rooster looking at a piece of lettuce? Chicken sees a salad

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What did the vegans say when they were captured and put into a small space? Kelp! Lettuce leaf! There isn’t mushroom in here...

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New Lettuce Jokes

What do you call a rooster staring at a pile of lettuce? A Chicken Cesar Salad

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I made a Bacon, Lettuce & Tomato sandwich for breakfast. I left off the lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise and bread.

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What did the farmer do when someone asked them if he could give them head? He gave them some lettuce.

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Why is there so much salad in heaven? Because lettuce pray.

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Wat did the lettuce say tp the ketchup while they were racing? I'm way a head of you.

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Why didn’t the lettuce let her children get vaccinated? Because she didn’t want them to get icebergers.

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If you want to join the Carnivore Club Lettuce no.

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What do you call a rooster with a piece of lettuce over it’s eye? Chicken sees-a-salad

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What do mods like on their sandwiches? Lettuce guacamole bacon and tomato

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A woman went to the doctor's with a bit of lettuce sticking out from her underwear... Doctor looks at it and says "that looks odd", woman says "Oh, it's just the tip of the iceberg"

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A woman walks into the doctors office with a bit of lettuce sticking out of her underwear Doctor: “That looks nasty!”

Woman: “That’s just the tip of the iceberg.”

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I hear the devil is good at gardening. Why else would everyone want his lettuce so badly?

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What does a hamburger say when it wants to organise a get together? Lettuce meat

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I always thought LGBT means Lettuce Ginger Bacon and Tomato... Until my smart friend told me that G stands for Guacamole

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What do you call a chicken staring at a piece of lettuce? Chicken sees a salad.

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How do you make a honeymoon salad? Lettuce alone, no dressing permitted.

(Credit goes to the tour guide on the Maid of the Mist ~1996)

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What did the Catalan vegans say to the Spanish government? "Lettuce go!"

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A woman goes to the doctor with the tip of some lettuce sticking out of her pants The doctor says "That looks nasty"

She replies "It's just the tip of the iceberg"

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What did the Christian Cabbage say before eating? Lettuce Pray.

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If you throw an epileptic into a lettuce patch... ... is that a seizure salad?

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I hate that salad can't get into nightclubs... Like, come on man, lettuce in

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What did the the doctor diagnose the head of lettuce with? Iceburgers Syndrome.

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I have a sandwich that can cook. It's bakin' lettuce and tomato.

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When do you see a sandwich cook? When it's bakin' lettuce and tomato.

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Three vegetables walk into a club Lettuce, turnip and beet.

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When does a sandwich cook? When it's bakin' lettuce and tomato.

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How do Vegans start grace? Lettuce pray...

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What did the religious salad say to the fruit Lettuce rejoice and be grapeful

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What did the vegetables say to get the party started? Lettuce turnip the beet.

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What did the slice of bacon say to the tomato? Lettuce be together now!

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I made a "Titanic style" salad It's mostly composed of iceberg lettuce

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I learned what LGBT stands for! Lettuce Guacamole Bacon Tomato

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What did the DJ veggies say to the farmer? Lettuce turnup the beats beats be-ee-ea-eats.

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welcome to subway! lettuce meat olive your eggspectations

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I just found out what the LGBTQ stands for Lettuce, Garlic, Bacon, Tomato, Quesadilla

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What do you call a hen looking at lettuce? A chicken ceaser salad

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My father and I were at the grocery store and he told me "All he has to left to get is lettuce" I asked him "Oh, is that all that romaines?"

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Vegetable rationing Some supermarkets are rationing lettuce, I think this is just the tip of the iceberg...

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Uh, hi. Yeah, I'll have a six-inch Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki on Honey Oat, please. No, thanks, no double meat or cheese. Yeah, lettuce, tomato, cucumber, banana peppers, and..." *checks phone* Oh, shoot. Wrong sub.

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The Tomato Pastor began his sermon to the Salad Congregation "Lettuce pray"

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What do you call a chicken looking at a leaf of lettuce? Chicken sees a salad

_badumtss_

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Frederick dressed as hair for haloween. Why does he only eat lettuce? He was hair before.

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