Hilarious Lion Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Lion Jokes

A lion would never drive while drunk. But a tiger wood.

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What's the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

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Dad: What’s a lion and a witch doing in your wardrobe Me: it’s Narnia Business....

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My dad asked me why there was a lion and a witch in my wardrobe I said its Narnia buisness

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My urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim away a whim away, a whim away, a whim away

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At any time, the temptation to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim away... A whim away.

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At any given moment, the urge to sing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight" is just a whim away. A whim away. A whim away.

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At any given moment the urge to sing Lion Sleeps Tonight is just a whim-away... ...a whim-away,a whim-away,a whim-away...

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What's the difference between a seal and sea lion? One electron

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Why do only 9/10 dentists recommend Crest toothpaste? The last dentist is busy killing a lion

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How do you turn a seal into a sea lion? Remove an electron.

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What did the cannibalistic lion do? Swallow his pride.

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My father has the heart of a lion... And also a lifetime ban from the zoo.

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What is the difference between a seal and a sea lion? an electron

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I found a lion in my wardrobe and I asked him what he was doing there. He said "Narnia business".

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At any given time, the urge to sing 'The Lion Sleeps Tonight' is just a whim away a whim away, a whim away, a whim away...

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My grandfather has the heart of a lion, ... and a lifetime ban from Edinburgh zoo.

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I have the eyes of a hawk, the heart of a lion, the ears of a fox And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

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My Dad has the heart of a lion and so much hate mail he had to shut down his dental practice

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What does a Japanese guy name his pet lion? Ryan

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For a lion to become a cannibal He must first swallow his pride

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Why do I have a lion and witch in my wardrobe? It's Narnia business

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Please don't kill me for this. The urge to sing *The Lion Sleeps Tonight* is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.

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What happened to the overconfident lion-tamer? He was consumed by his own pride.

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I've got the eye of the tiger, heart of a lion, and... a lifetime ban from the zoo.

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A lion would never cheat on his wife... But a Tiger Wood.

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Anyone hear about the transsexual lion that became a vegetarian? He was a her before.

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I have the heart of a lion And a lifetime ban from the local zoo

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I've got the eye of the tiger, the heart of the lion... And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

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The urge to sing The Lion Sleeps Tonight is just a whim away
a whim away
a whim away
a whim away

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I have the heart of a lion... and a lifelong ban from the zoo.

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What do you call a vegan lion? Dead

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A man and a Giraffe walk into a bar. The Giraffe gets drunk and falls on the floor unconscious.
The bartender says "you can't leave that lyin' there."
The man says "its not a Lion, its a Giraffe"

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What happens when a lion becomes a cannibal? He swallows his pride...

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I have the heart of a lion And a lifetime ban from the Oregon Zoo

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Guys, I’ve got the heart of a lion! And a lifetime ban from the San Diego zoo

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My grandpa has got the heart of a lion and a life time ban from the zoo.

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Sometimes I feel a seal is just a neutral sea lion Neutral

as in

Without an ion

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My dad has the heart of a lion, And a lifetime ban from the zoo.

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New Lion Jokes

My local book shop had a sale on "1/3 off all titles" I scored a pristine hardback copy of 'The Lion, The Witch'

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Did you know I had the heart of a lion? I also have a lifetime ban from Toronto Zoo

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Why does nobody trust big cats? Because they're always lion

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One day I shot a lion in my pajamas now, what he was doing in my pajamas? , i don't know

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Would a lion leave its wife? No, but a tiger wood.

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I came across a lion in the jungle I quickly cleaned him up and then ran off

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When a lion takes a lioness from another lion, he kills and eats any cubs she has. You'd think he'd be ashamed of himself. But apparently he just swallows his pride.

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What do you get when you cross a lion with a flamingo? A visit from an ethics committee and your funding revoked.

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Did you hear about the Roman slave’s wife who was devoured by a lion? Honestly, he was gladiator

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My grandpa has the heart of a lion He's not allowed back into the Detroit Zoo.

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I asked an African man to use the word dandelion in a sentence His response was "da cheeta runs fasta dan de lion"

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Why was Ted Kennedy called the "Lion of the Senate"? Because he mated at will and killed without remorse.

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My Grandfather has the heart of a lion And a lifetime ban from my local zoo.

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What kind of summer camp would a toilet, a mountain lion, and a cantaloupe all go to? A John Cougar Melon Camp

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What do you call a lion who doesn’t eat meat? A dead lion

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What's the difference between a lion and a vegetarian? A lion only eats meat and can't talk and a vegetarian only eats plants and won't shut up about it.

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Why did the lion king die? Because he didn't mufasa

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It can be really hard to swallow your pride But sometimes a lion is just that hungry

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The temptation to sing The Lion Sleeps Tonight... ... is always just a whim away a whim away a whim away.

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What do you call a Roman Lion? Italion

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What is a lion's favorite period of American History? The Roaring Twenties!!

:D

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You could say I have the heart of a lion... I also have a lifetime ban from the zoo.

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I have the heart of a lion and a lifetime distrust towards my heart surgeon.

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Why did the sea lion buy Tupperware? He wanted to find a tight seal.

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American teaching class of young foreign exchange students "Okay class, can any of you use the word Dandelion in a sentence?"

A young boy from Ghana raises his hand and says

"The cheetah is fasta dan-de-lion!"

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I have the heart of a lion And that is why I'm banned from all zoos within a 100 mile radius

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The temptation to sing The Lion Sleeps Tonight Is always just a whim away a whim away a whim away a whim away

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What can a happy lion and a flower have in common? They can both be dandy.

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Why can't you trust a large cat? Because it could be lion

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TIL a tiger would chase down your vehicle leaving his family behind, but a lion would never do that. Because it would hurt his pride

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I have the heart of a lion and the eye of a tiger. And also a lifetime ban from the zoo

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Fun Fact At any given moment, the urge to sing The Lion Sleeps Tonight is just a whim away. A whim away. A whim away. A whim away.

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A lion would never drive while drunk. (Update) Neither would a Tiger, apparently.

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What's the difference between a weed and a lion in drag? One is a dandelion and one is a dandy lion!

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What does an Asian call their pet lion? Ryan

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I found a lion in my wardrobe and asked him what he was doing there. He said,"Narnia business"...

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What's the similarity between a lion and a tiger? They are both lions, except for the tiger.

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My grandfather has the heart of a lion... And a lifetime ban from out local zoo.

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My father has a heart of a lion and a lifetime ban from the San Diego zoo

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My uncle has the heart of a lion. And a lifetime ban from the local zoo.

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What do you call a lion that steals credit cards? An AMEX predator.

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My Grandpa who is a veteran had a heart of a lion Which is why he is banned from every zoo

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My Grandfather My Grandfather is a really cool guy. He has a heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

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My dad has the heart of a lion And a lifetime ban from the local zoo.

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Talking to women is like... Walking a tightrope over a lion cage.

And the tightrope is on fire.

And the lion cage is on fire.

And the lions are on fire.

Why is there so much fire?

Because fire is dangerous and so are women.

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What do you call an unsure sea lion? A maybe seal

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What did Simba say to his father after he died? Stop lion around!

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Why does Snoop Dogg (Lion) use an umbrella? Fo drizzle!

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My dad has a heart of a lion ...and a lifetime ban from the local zoo.

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I went to the Zoo the other day and there was a loaf of Hovis in the Lion enclosure - so I went up to the zookeeper and said "What's that doing in there?"

and he said "That? That's bread in captivity"

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A English teacher says to a African student.. "okay you're doing really good with your English, I would like you to use the word dandelion in a sentence" the student replies "ohh that is easy, The giraffe, is bigger, dan de lion"

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"And that's the last time I ever pet a lion", said Tom, offhandedly.

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Was Snoop Dogg being serious when he changed his name? Or was Snoop Lion ?

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My mommy told me I would grow up to be a big tiger someday... She was lion.

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My wife and I were talking about our physical relationship. "I wish you were more of a lion," she said.

"A lion? Why?" I asked.

She said, "They are masculine and aggressive."

"I wish you were more of a mule," I said.

"A mule? Why?" she asked.

I said, "They can't reproduce."

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The Lion King has a lot of Simbalism badumtss

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Where was the male lion's favorite vacation spot? Maine

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What does The Lion King have a lot of? Simbalism

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When I was a kid I thought our family's cat looked like Timon from The Lion King so I thought he was a meerkat. Turns out he was just a mere cat.

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So a Nun, a Rabi, a Lion, a Zombie, a Leprechaun, a goldfish, a Space Alien, a pair of Siamese twins, and a blonde walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this some kind of a joke?"

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