Hilarious Marathon Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Marathon Jokes

What could the Boston Marathon bombers do that Hitler couldn't? End a race.

Score: 969

Old Soviet joke. Reagan and Gorbachev run a marathon.

Reagan won.

Next day US newspapers: “Reagan won. Gorgachev lost”.

Soviet newspapers: “Gorbachev finished second. Reagan finished next to last”.

Score: 835

Never give a donation to someone collecting for a charity marathon. They'll take the money and run.

Score: 373

Me, to the cop: You can’t arrest me. I have a marathon to run today! Cop: Stop playing the race card!

Score: 347

Score: 176

I showed up to run a marathon, but realized that I had forgotten my water bottle. I decided to run anyway... ... I finished in 3^st

Score: 171

My friend Ty came in first in the Beijing marathon, but he wasn’t given the gold medal. The Chinese refuse to recognize Ty won.

Score: 154

I treat every day like I am running a marathon tomorrow... I rest, load up on carbs and don't run.

Score: 137

"I'm thinking of running a marathon again." I told my friend. "You've run a marathon before?" she asked, with an air of admiration.

I said, "No, but I've thought about it."

Score: 112

I treat every day like I am running a marathon tomorrow... I load up on carbs and don't run.

Score: 94

My favorite part of a marathon is... My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.

Score: 63

What is your least favourite race? Mine is the marathon... too many Kenyans

Score: 61

Imagine if the presidential race was an actual marathon Then we'd really have a Kenyan in office.

Score: 59

What's the difference between the Holocaust and the Boston Marathon Bombing? The Boston Marathon Bombing ended a race.

Score: 48

I treat every day like I am running a marathon tomorrow... I don't run and I load up on carbs.

Score: 47

What is a marathon runner doing when he starts a marathon in Russia that ends in Finland? Russian to Finnish.

Score: 41

Why did the lawyer with a torn ACL still win the marathon? (OC) Because he had the power of a torn knee

Score: 37

My friends won’t stop teasing me for giving up in a marathon after only 1 mile I’ve become a running joke

Score: 37

I'm going to compete in a marathon dressed as Michael Jackson. I'm not sure which race yet.

Score: 31

I treat every day like I'm running a marathon tomorrow... I rest, load up on carbs and don't work out.

Score: 24

“Officer, you can’t give me a ticket. I’m running a marathon tomorrow.” Cop: Stop trying to play the race card.

Score: 21

I kept telling a pun to the passersby during a marathon It was a running joke.

Score: 20

Why were the Boston Marathon Bombings worse than Hitler? (OFFENSIVE) Because they actually managed to end a race.

Score: 16

I've decided to run a marathon for charity. I didn't want to do it at first but apparently it's for blind and disabled kids so I think I've got a good chance of winning

Score: 16

I'd hate to run a marathon They just look so hard to organise

Score: 16

What could Boston Marathon Bombers do that Hitler couldn't? End a race.

Score: 15

I‘ve decided to run a marathon for charity. I didn’t want to do it at first, but apparently it’s for blind and disabled kids so I think I’ve got a good chance of winning.

Score: 15

How can you tell if somebody's run a marathon? Wait 15 seconds, they'll tell you.

Score: 14

What's more covered in sweat than a marathon runner at the end of a race? Josh Duggar at a family reunion.

Score: 13

What do runners eat before a marathon? Nothing.
They fast.

Score: 13

Did you hear Han Solo will be running next years London Marathon? He says he reckons he'll be able to finish in less than 26 miles

Score: 12

I wasn't sure about doing a charity marathon but... I realised it was for disabled people so I thought I had a good chance of winning

Score: 10

What to watch on TV tonight A few days ago, I was watching George Michael videos. A couple of days ago, it was a Star Wars marathon. Tonight? The Apprentice.

Score: 9

Why did the marathon runner end up in jail? For resisting a rest.

Score: 9

I have decided to run a marathon and have taken up vaping instead of smoking You could say I am running on fumes.

Score: 7

What did the Boston Marathon bombers accomplish that Hitler could not? They ended a race.

Score: 7

Why was Hitler Disqualified from the marathon? He cant finish a Race.

Score: 6

What happens when a computer programmer does a marathon? Runtime Error.

Score: 5

I saw some horrible comedian making jokes about the Boston Marathon... Some lines must not be crossed.



(Source: Anthony Jeselnik I think)

Score: 4

A 3.14 meter long snake ! What do you call a 3.14 meter long snake ?

- a "Py"thon

What do you call a 43 kilometre long snake ?

- a marathon !

Score: 4

New Marathon Jokes

What were Pheidippides (the marathon soldier) last words? My feet are killing me!

Score: 2

Why couldn't the refrigerator give a marathon runner some cold water? It had stopped running.

Score: 1

What do you call a slaveowner marathon? The master race

Score: 2

What do you call it when a black supremacist group challenges a white supremacist group to a marathon race? A race war.

Score: 1

I’ve been thinking a lot about what race should be declared the Supreme Race And well I can’t choose between the Boston marathon or the Tour de France

Score: 1

I did a marathon the other day. You might ask how I went I ran

Score: 1

What race has got 5 arms, 3 legs and 2 feet at the finish line? The Boston marathon

Score: 2

I once watched a marathon of all the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. By the end of it, I was stuck in a Johnny Deppression.

Score: 1

Revamped Reagan/Churchill-Gorbachev marathon joke. Trump, Hillary, and Putin ran a marathon.
Trump wins, Putin finished last.

US newspapers: Hillary finished second.

Russian newspapers: Putin won.

Score: 2

This valetines day weekend Im going to have a star wars movie marathon alone This valetines day weekend Im going to have a star wars movie marathon alone.

I plan to spend a lot of time looking down at han solo.

Score: 0

Why did the racist man get kicked out of the marathon? Because he only wanted to run 3 out of the 5 K's

Score: 4

I wanted to make fun of my co-worker’s marathon prep... ...but my company has a policy against race jokes

Score: 3

Did you hear about the translator who was running the marathon? He was Russian to Finnish

Score: 2

What do you call a bigoted marathon runner? A racist

Score: 1

What's the difference between Hitler and a professional marathon runner? The professional marathon runner finished the race. Hitler didn't

Score: 2

Abebe Bikila famously won the 1960 Olympic marathon while running barefoot. Do you think his opponents tasted defeet?

Score: 4

Did you hear about the Marathon being held in Chernobyl for Victims whose Limbs have been amputated? They're calling it the Nuclear Arms Race.

Score: 2

What do you call it when you run a second marathon? Retirement.

Score: 3

What do you call a group of jeans running a marathon? ParticiPANTS!

Score: 4

Congratulations to all the runners in the Boston Marathon. You survived

Score: 1

Did you hear about that guy who ran a marathon on railroad tracks? He trained a lot, but got distracted.

Score: 1

peter's friends were worried he'd get hurt because he never even exercised befor the marathon he was running it was okay, though, he worked out in the long run.

Score: 1

Had to run a marathon to protest date rape They asked and I felt like I couldn't say no.

Score: 1

I'm participating in a marathon this year. I'm the guy that pours cups of water for the runners.

Score: 1

What do a Boston Marathon runner and Hitler have in common? Neither can finish a race.

Score: 1

Maybe Russia is in a huge marathon that ends with, invading Finland. And crossing the finish line.

Score: 1

There was a shooting at the marathon today Police say it was race related

Score: 1

Marathon Just won my first marathon. I am experiencing the thrill of victory and the agony of de feet.

Score: 1

There is a line in comedy that you should not cross and that line starts at the Boston Marathon.

Score: 1

What has 6 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The Boston marathon finish line.

Score: 2

I ran a marathon the other day, there was a three-way tie for first place between Kim, Kourtney, Khloe. They were about 20 minutes quicker than the guy in second... We all had trouble keeping up with the Kardashians

Score: 1

An atheist, a vegan, and a marathon runner walk into a bar... I only know because they told everyone within two minutes.

Score: 3