Hilarious May Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest May Jokes

The UK Prime Minister just announced her resignation. This is not surprising. It is the end of May, after all.

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Prison may be just one word But to others, it's a whole sentence

Edit: I fell asleep after posting this and woke up seeing it on the front page, thanks guys!

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You shouldn't see any horror movie today It May, Fri 10 you

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SCUBA is an acronym for Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus. What you may not know is that Tuba is also an acronym... For Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus.

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One day when I was young...... I watched my father grill burgers. When they were done, he handed me one, telling me it was a Bison burger. He then left.....never came back......I know he may not have been dedicated to his family, but he was dedicated to his jokes.

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The doctor said my voice box is damaged and I may never speak again. I can’t tell you how upset I am.

Edit: Thank you for the gold, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.

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Why are women and children always the first ones to get evacuated on a emergency situation ? So men may think on a solution in silence

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A racist, a womanizer, and a rapist walked into a bar... ...the bartender says "how may I help you, Mr. President?"

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Comey: He's guilty Democrats: He's guilty

Trump: I'm guilty

Republicans: We may never get to the bottom of this

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Hi. My name is Bill Gates and today, I will be teaching you how to count to ten: 1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10

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Edit: I think I may be missing a version, but looking through the comments it seems no one else knows what it is either. I'll have to google it.

Score: 1902

I asked my boss, “Can I have a few days off seeing as it's so close to Christmas?” He said, “It's May.”

“Sorry.”, I replied, “May I have a few days off seeing as it's so close to Christmas?”

Score: 1888

If April showers bring May flowers, then what do May Flowers bring? Genocide

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Apparently someone has been shot with a starter pistol at the athletics track Police think it may be race related

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The American President has challenged the British Prime Minister to a debate. Nobody knows what may happen.

Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump.

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When England had an Emperor, it was an Empire; when it had a King, it was a Kingdom; now they have Theresa May... ...and it is a Country.

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Who would win if the American President debated the British Prime Minister? After all, Trump may trump May, or May may trump Trump

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The Jews may be the "Chosen People"... ... But the Muslims are the "Randomly Selected".

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How many clickbait articles does it take to change a lightbulb? The answer may shock you.

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being a waiter may not be a very glamorous job but at least it puts food on the table

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Congratulations to Donald Trump winning the presidency... May his global impact be as tiny as his hands

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Why do native Americans hate April? Because April showers bring May flowers and Mayflowers bring white people

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Why does England feel like it's two months ahead of us? It's only March 28th here, but in England it feels like it's the end of May.

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Can February march? No, but April may.

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I may be bad at telling jokes, but... I am amazing at clickbait.

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What did Luke say to Han and Leia when they split up? May divorce be with you.

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My mum tripped and dropped the basket of clothes she'd just ironed. It may sound far-fetched but it's true. I watched it all unfold.

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What's the internal temperature of a tauntaun? Luke Warm.

May the 4th Be With You!

Score: 418

Intelligence is the first thing I look for in woman.. Because if she doesn’t have THAT, I may just have a chance.

Score: 388

I'm a beggar and I wanna make a difference in this world. You may disagree with me But I beg to differ

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Trump hates saying "yes" to Mexicans so much We may as well call him the "Not Si" President

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My ceiling may not be the best ceiling in the world. But it's up there.

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prison may be just one word to you but to others, it's a whole sentence

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Tequila may not be the answer... ...but it's worth a shot.

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My girlfriend admitted to me she was once a Christian, so I immediately broke up with her. It may come across as judgmental, but really, I’ve only ever known and loved her as Christine.

Score: 158

If Trump wins, I think I may know what will happen to New Mexico [Removed]

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Someone was killed with a starter pistol today... Police think it may be race-related.

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As a programmer, I may not be able to set up a parade... But I can make an array of floats...

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I may not be able to use by the "N" word... But at least I can say things like "Hey Dad", and "Thanks for the warning Officer!".

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Not all UK politicians will cry tonight but Theresa May

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New May Jokes

Please stand for the telling of the official St Patrick’s Day joke.... What’s Irish and sits on the porch?

Patty O’Furniture

That concludes the telling of the official St Patrick’s Day joke.
Thank you citizens you may continue with your lives...

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I Heard Minnesota Residents Are Very Excited. Rumor is going around that summer may fall on a weekend this year.

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Have y'all heard of the ancient Greek hero Bophades? He was a lot like Achilles, he had one weakness. Except it wasn't his heal, it was his groin. You may have heard the term Achilles heel, but have you heard of Bophades Nuts?

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Buzzfeed must have been born between May 22nd and June 22nd... Because it’s definitely a Cancer

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Carrots may improve your vision, But alcohol doubles it.

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My job is sectioning and dehydrating organic materials. It may sound complicated, but it's actually cut and dry.

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Trump may have dodged the draft but he was still given honorary military ranks. Private Tax Return,
Major Embarrassment,
Chief Petty Officer,
General Incompetence.

Score: 10

While airplanes may not be my favorite thing, They're up there.

Repost, haven't seen it in a while.

Score: 15

I may be 37 but I got a body of a 15 year old In my fridge

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I let my brother name my twins. He did fine with my daughter, Denise. But my son may never forgive him for naming him Denephew.

Score: 86

A psycopath goes into a store He approaches the person at the counter and asks:

-Hello sir, may I have an assault rifle, 3,000 rounds, a scope, and a box of penicillin?

-Sorry sir, I can't sell you penicillin without a prescription.

Score: 28

Ralphie May.... Or may not fit in the coffin.

Score: 58

The doctor told me my voice box is damaged and I may never speak again. I can’t tell you how upset I am

Score: 15

Prison may be just one word But to others, it's a whole sentence

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Faith may not be able to move mountains But I've seen the impact it has on buildings.

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Last night I drank a little too much so I took a bus home. This may not sound like a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.

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Before becoming hard boiled, an egg says to a boiling pot of water: It may take me a while to get hard. I just got laid.

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Food from Jerusalem may not be the best But Israeli good

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Though some people may tell you that the holy land is fake... ... it Israel

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I never say no to a fight But when my grandmother said "Let's take this outside" I'm beginning to think she may have been talking about my Bike.

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Losing a wife can be very tough... Some may even say impossible.

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We may never know if 9/11 was an inside job… … but we definitely know that 7-11 is a part time job.

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You may not believe that today is Canada's 150th Birthday... It's Trudeau...

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Fathers' Day may happen every year... But Son Day happens every week!

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A man goes to the doctor... Man: "Doctor, I think I have a problem! I can't stop singing *What's New Pussycat*!

Doctor: "You may have Tom Jones Disease."

Man: "I've never heard of that condition... is it rare?"

Doctor: "It's not unusual."

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How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb? One.

Blondes may be dumb but they still know how to use their husband~

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I used to date a hot 95 pound gymnast with ADD I just realized she may be the best fidget spinner I'll ever get to play with...

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To be fair Theresa May warned of a coalition of chaos propped up by extremist terrorist sympathisers She just didn't say she'd be leading it

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Whatever people may say about ISIS... ...at least they claim responsibility for their actions.

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I've been getting anonymous texts from someone telling me to shower, comb my hair & brush my teeth. I think they may be trying to groom me.

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I know that I'm paranoid. But I worry that I may not be paranoid enough.

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since light moves faster then sound.. People may appear bright until you hear them speak.

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A quarter acre of undeveloped land may not seem like much to some people, But to me it's a lot.

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Want to make your computer run faster? Just paint it black, it may quit working, though.

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Have you walked 500 miles? Have you walked 500 miles?

Have you been asked to walk 500 more?

You may be entitled to compensation!!!

For your free no obligation quote call the Pro-Claimers now!!

Score: 10

If Aprils showers bring May flowers, what does the May flower bring? Genocide and smallpox.

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JUNE (to Yoda): Do you think April will march in the parade? YODA: March April may, June.

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Why did the angry Jedi cross the road? To get to the Dark Side.

Happy May 4th

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Where do Sith lords go to do their shopping? The Darth Mall

May the 4th be with you

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My girlfriend says she may break up with me because I don't like cats... I told her, "I like cats, I just can't eat a whole one by myself."

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UK General Election In April, May said "June!"

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I'm suspicious that my dictaphone is suddenly full although I may be reading too much into it

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You may be kind.. but German children are kinder.

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What do you call a psychic midget on the lam? A small medium at large.

Friend just told me this one thought you may enjoy it.

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If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? Allergies.

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What month do Native Americans hate the most? April. April showering bring May flowers. Mayflowers bring the pilgrims.

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If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring? The Pilgrims!

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Scotland might not leave the EU... but Theresa May.

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A rapist, a businessman and a Russian spy walk into a bar The bartender says: "what may I get for you Mr. President?

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If life gives you melons You may have dyslexia!

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I just heard the inventor of autocorrect died... ...may his sole restaurant in pieces.

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Smaller babies may be delivered by a stork. But the bigger, heavier ones are delivered by a crane.

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I may look like a joke to you.... ...but I'm completely dad inside

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A high school student approached a group of popular kids during lunch time. "May I join you?" he asked politely.
"We don't sit with idiots." they said.
"But I do." he replied as he gestured them to scoot over.

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New genetics study shows that chronic diarrhea may be hereditary It runs in your jeans.

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The iPhone 7 may be revolutionary and everything.... But the Samsung Note 7 blows you away.

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Americans may pull guns but Canadians.... ..may pull leaves.

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My girlfriend has a global map tattooed on her body She may have been a difficult person to deal with. But you always knew where you were with her.

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I may not have as many Oscars as Leo anymore but... I've still got as many Tour De France wins as Lance Armstrong.

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Is your lizard not working? You may have a reptile dysfunction.

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