Hilarious Milk Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Milk Jokes

How do you milk sheep? Bring out a new iPhone and charge $1000 for it.

Score: 21727

Astronaut 1: "I can't find any milk for my coffee" Astronaut 2: "In space no-one can. Here, use cream"

Score: 18857

Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, "No, just leave it in the carton! "

P. S. thanks for the 4 people who sort by new. appreciate it.

Score: 18591

What's the fastest liquid on earth? Milk. It's pasteurized before you see it.

Score: 8686

***SPOILER ALERT*** Check your milk's expiration date.

Score: 7906

Score: 3330

How do you milk sheep? With iPhone accessories.

Score: 2943

Dad joke..... Dad: what are you drinking, son?

Son: Soy Milk

Dad: Hola Milk, soy padre

Score: 1983

What’s the difference between a cow and the crucifixion? You can’t milk a cow for 2,000 years.

Score: 1733

What's the difference between america and a bottle of milk? In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture

Score: 1598

Women have eggs and milk in them... And they say that they don't belong in the kitchen.

Score: 1570

How do you milk a sheep? Put an apple logo on your product.

Score: 1131

Did you know that Milk is the fastest liquid on earth? It's pasteurized before you even see it.

Score: 1110

Astronaut 1: "I can't find any milk for my coffee." Astronaut:"In space no one can. Here, use cream.

Score: 910

What's the difference between 9/11 and a cow? You don't milk a cow for 10 years

Score: 873

Astronaut 1: hey I can't find any milk for my coffee Astronaut 2: In space, no one can. Here, use cream.

Score: 791

Father: Hey son what are you drinking? Son: Soy-milk

Father: Hola milk, soy tu padre

Score: 776

Wife: "Can you pick up milk?" Me: *lifts gallon*

"Yeah, it's easy."

Wife: "I mean from the store."

Me: "I'd imagine it weighs the same there too"

Score: 696

What are you drinking there, son? Son: soy milk

Dad: hola milk, soy tu padre

Score: 542

My brother just threw a milk carton at me How dairy.

Score: 424

How do you milk a sheep? Put an apple logo on it.

Score: 363

A programmer went to a store to pick up some groceries As he was leaving the house his wife said: "While you are there, buy some milk". He never came back.

Score: 359

What do you call a cow that gives no milk? An udder failure.

Score: 340

Spanish Dad Joke Dad: Son what are you drinking?

Son: Soy Milk

Dad: Hola Milk, me llamo Dad

Score: 314

What's the difference between a cow and the Twin Towers? You can't milk a cow for 15 years.

Score: 299

American man to wife: "pass the honey... Honey" Welsh man to wife: "pass the sugar... Sugar"

Scottish man to wife: "pass the milk... ya cow"

Score: 274

Milk is the fastest liquid on Earth. It's pasteurized before you even see it.

Score: 216

Dad joke **Dad:** Whaddya got there son?

**Son:** Soy milk.

**Dad:** Hola milk, soy tu padre

Score: 212

My boyfriend is the best cook With only two nuts, a sausage and some milk he can fill my stomach for 9 months.

Score: 203

What's the difference between a cow and the Trump-Russia controversy? You can't milk a cow 24/7 for six months straight.

Score: 196

How do you milk sheep? With iPhones.

Score: 195

A programmers wife asks him to go to the grocery She says "Get a gallon of milk. If they have eggs, get 12."

The programmer returns with 12 gallons of milk.

Score: 182

What do you call a cow with a stutter that makes chocolate milk? Cacao

Score: 172

What do you call a cow with Parkinson's? A milk shake

Score: 142

A programmer's wife sends him to the grocery store... She says: "I need you to go get a gallon of milk, if they have eggs, get a dozen."

He comes home with 12 gallons of milk and says: "They had eggs."

Score: 121

What is the fastest liquid? Milk, because it pasteurized before you see it.

Score: 108

A man just assaulted me with milk, butter and cheese How dairy

Score: 106

A programmer's wife tells him to go buy some milk, and, while he's there, to get eggs. He hasn't come back.

Score: 98

A guy just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy.

Score: 89

Where's Russian milk coming from? Moscows

Score: 66

New Milk Jokes

Why did Hitler drink milk for breakfast? He didn't like juice.

Score: 6

My brother just threw a glass of milk at me My brother just threw a glass of milk at me.

How dairy

Score: 45

So many dads nowadays say they're "going out to buy milk", and then never return. Oh well, at least our moms still have the milkman: he doesn't just come, he also brings the milk.

Score: 7

What do you call it when you get milk from an almond? Busting a nut.

Score: 8

A man just assaulted me with milk and cheese How dairy

Score: 13

Did you know milk is the fastest liquid? It's pasteurized before you know it

Score: 7

My brother just hit me with a milk carton How dairy

Score: 29

What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk

...dum tss.....

Score: 5

I walked out my house this morning... And a man threw milk and cheese at me.

I thought, “How dairy?”

Score: 36

I once set an alarm to tell me when my milk would expire Spoiler alert

Score: 51

My brother threw a milk carton at me today. How dairy!

Score: 11

What do you call milk that comes from cows with their eyes closed? Concentrated milk

Score: 8

Well... there goes Ted's reputation Trump: No one embarrasses themselves on Twitter like I do

Ted Cruz: Hold my milk

Trump: Wait, this isn't milk...

Score: 32

What's the difference between slavery and a cow? You can't milk a cow for 200 years.

Score: 6

Father : What are you drinking son ?...... Son : Soy Milk;
Father : Hola Milk, Soy tu Padre

Score: 11

A man assaulted me with milk, cream and butter earlier today... How dairy.

Score: 6

Some guy just assaulted me with milk, cream and butter. How dairy!!

Score: 15

I like my women like I like my milk. 2% chocolate.

Score: 6

Spoiler alert!!! The milk has been in the fridge for three weeks.

Score: 5

I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I'm in whey over my head.

Score: 32

Apparently there's a support group for cows who have trouble producing milk. The cows go, talk about their feelings and build each udder up.

Score: 5

a baby was fed on elephant's milk A: Did you hear that a baby was fed on elephant's milk and gained twenty pounds in a week.
B: That's impossible. Whose baby?
A: An elephant's.

Score: 6

A man assaulted me with milk creme and butter How dairy

Score: 26

What's the difference between a cow and a Soviet grocery store? A cow has milk in it

Score: 6

What do you call a milk barn thief? A creaminal

Score: 5

I walked into the house... And my wife said, 'Your son threw his milk at me, today!'

I replied, 'How dairy!!'

Score: 15

From where do you get pineapple milk? From its pinenipples!

Score: 5

How do you milk a sheep? With iPhone accessories.

Score: 25

What kind of bees make milk, not honey? Boobies

From my college buddies son. He followed it up with, "I don't get it" which I found better

Score: 21

What did the 2% milk say to his girlfriend? You make me feel whole again.

Score: 7

My brother threw a milk carton at me! How dairy!

Score: 9

My girlfriend said I treat her like a child. Guess who isn't getting her milk bottle tonight!

Score: 5

A supermarket cashier asked if I want my milk in a bag... I said no, I prefer it staying in the carton.

Score: 6

What bees give out milk? BooBees

Score: 7

What kind of bees produce milk instead of honey? Boobies!

Score: 21

When I was a kid - My mum used to send me to the corner shop of our street with a ten-bob note, and for that I'd bring back 6 eggs, 2 bottles of milk, a loaf of bread, 5lb of potatoes and a packet of sweets for me. Trouble is, you can't do that today.....

Too many cameras.

Score: 22

An Arab prince acquires a dairy farm He's known far and wide as the Milk Sheikh

Score: 5

How to make Emo Cupcakes What You'll need:

Cupcake Tray

An oven

Milk

Butter

Eggs

Flour

Sugar

We're

Going

Down

Swingin'

Score: 7

My cow stopped giving milk. What an udder disappointment.

Score: 6

Went to the shop earlier today, saw a man throwing all the milk, cheese, yoghurt etc I thought to myself...

"How dairy?".

Score: 25

What did the milk say to the cereal as it was leaving the bowl? Cheerio

Score: 4

I used to hate it when people slightly messed up proverbs... But I guess it's no use crying over spoiled milk.

Score: 29

What's the difference between Liverpool and a cup of milk? The milk is still in the cup

Score: 4

Spilt milk I hate how every time I come home and go to the kitchen my flat mate has spilled milk everywhere. How dairy

Score: 9

What kind of Bees give the Most Milk? Boo Bees

Score: 44

I switched my kids to almond milk. Whenever people ask me if I think it's healthier I tell them "Nah, I just got tired of them asking why their picture is on the back of the milk cartons."

Score: 48

How do you milk a sheep? With iPhone periph**e**rals.

Score: 7

Have you ever considered the possibility that soy milk... is just regular milk introducing itself in Spanish?

Score: 4

What do you call it when a cow gives no milk? An udder failure

Score: 5

What do a gallon of milk and the city of Carthage have in common? Ideally you only have to sack them once, but we should probably sack them again for good measure.

Score: 20

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it goes out for milk and doesn't comeback.

Score: 22

When I was your age, my mom sent me to the store with a quarter and I came back with a loaf of bread, a bottle of milk, and a newspaper. But you can't do that anymore because there's too many surveillance cameras.

Score: 17

How do you get dragon milk? You get cow with short legs

Score: 4

What did the milk say after it got beat? ...It's butter this way

Score: 14

Where does almond and cashew milk come from? Crazy cows. They have to be nuts.

Score: 24

A man threw milk at an old woman before... I said how dairy

Score: 5

What do you feed an invisible cat? Evaporated Milk.

Score: 7

Why is almond milk called almond milk? Because nobody would drink it if it was called nut juice.

Score: 10

My 8-Year old patient was so pround, mom was not. Q: What type of bees make milk?

A: BOO-Bees!

And then he just couldn't stop laughing. Mom turned 50 shades of red and blamed dad. Good times.

Score: 63

What kind of bee can you milk? A boobie..

Score: 6