Hilarious Neighbor Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Neighbor Jokes

My neighbor got busted for growing weed today Turns out my property line isn't anywhere near where I thought it was.

Score: 9596

My wife hates it when our next door neighbor sunbathes topless in her yard. Personally I’m on the fence.

Score: 1960

Daughter: Mom, I have a new boyfriend, our neighbor Joe. Mom: But he could be your father! Daughter: Age is not that important to me.

Mom: That’s not what I was talking about.

Score: 1830

My next door neighbor is Bulimic and she was making so much noise last night, that I banged on the wall and shouted... "For goodness sake, keep it down!"

Score: 1464

Score: 1440

My neighbor knocked on my door this morning at 2:30 AM! Luckily for him i was still up playing my drums

Score: 1075

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious that she thought her cat could understand her.

I came to my house and told my dog. We laughed a lot.

Score: 1010

My wife is furious at our next door neighbor who sunbathes nude in her backyard. Personally I’m on the fence.

Score: 849

My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall But it was his dumb asphalt

Score: 790

What gets bigger every time I watch my neighbor undress in her bedroom window? The restraining order

Score: 776

I before E Except when you run a weird heist on a feisty foreign overweight neighbor wearing beige.

Score: 753

My next door neighbor banged on my door at 3:00 am last night. Fortunately, I was wide awake, playing my bagpipes on the back porch at the time.

Score: 726

I named my dog WiFi Because I stole it from my neighbor

Score: 418

My neighbor pounded on my door at 2:30am last night! Can you believe that?! 2:30am! Fortunately, I was still up practicing my bagpipes.

Score: 393

I think my neighbor is stalking me.. she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night

Score: 389

My neighbor's in the guinness book of records. He's had 44 concussions. He lives very close to me, in fact it's just a stone's throw away.

Score: 326

My wife is very mad that our beautiful neighbor is sunbathing nude in her yard. Personally, I'm on the fence.

Score: 314

So my neighbor knocked on my door at 3AM... Who knocks on doors at three in the morning? It's so inconsiderate! Good thing I was still up playing my bagpipes.

Score: 258

My neighbor knocked on my door at 3am!!!! 3 in the morning can you believe that?! Luckily, I was still awake playing my drums.

Score: 240

My neighbor knocked on my door at 3am Can you believe that? 3 in the morning,
but luckily i was still up playing the drums.

Score: 233

My neighbor knocked on my door at 3 in the morning... Lucky for him I was still up playing my bagpipes.

Score: 222

My neighbor knocked on my door at 2 AM. Unbelievable, 2 AM! Luckily I was still up practicing with my band.

Score: 215

My neighbor is loud and obnoxious Now I know how Canada feels

Score: 214

girl are u my neighbor's wifi? cuz u have a stupid name and im having trouble connecting

Score: 198

I built an electric fence around my property yesterday… My neighbor is dead against it…

Score: 191

My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall But it was his dumb asphalt…

Score: 157

-My daughter, are you really dating our neighbor? -My daughter, are you really dating our neighbor?
-Yes, I am, mum!
-But he could be your father!
-Age does not matter, mum!
-That's not what I meant.

Score: 153

I caught my neighbor putting a layer of topsoil on my allotment The plot thickened

Score: 152

My neighbor thinks I spy on her.. I would tell her otherwise, but she's in the shower right now

Score: 149

A man is walking down the street dragging 20 ft of rope behind him. His neighbor is curious & asks, "Hey buddy, why you pulling that rope?"
The man replies, "You ever tried pushing it?"

Score: 135

I can't believe my neighbor had the audacity to ring my doorbell at 2 in the morning. Lucky for him though I was still up playing my bagpipes.

Score: 131

My neighbor came pounding on my front door at 2am last night lucky for him, I was up practicing my bag pipes.

Score: 122

My electricity bill was running suspiciously high Had the power company send someone over. He found a wire tapped into my house running to a neighbor's. Watt do you know, a Joule thief lives next to my Ohm.

Score: 56

A guy told his neighbor "Close the window when you sleep with your wife cause I saw you yesterday" His neighbor laughed and said " I wasn't even home yesterday dumbass!"

Score: 52

According to my neighbor's diary, I have "boundary issues".

Score: 36

What's a word that starts with "N" that you don't want to call a black person? Neighbor

Score: 31

I'd make a joke about my neighbor.... But it would be too close to home

Score: 24

It's always I before E Except when you run a feisty heist on a weird beige foreign neighbor.

Score: 23

My downstairs neighbor was yelling and banging on the ceiling until 3 AM Did that bother you?

Not much. I was up til about the same time practicing my trumpet.

Score: 21

I saved my cannibal neighbor's daughter from drowning today. Her father was so grateful he gave me a hand shake. It had some chunks, but it was delicious.

Score: 19

New Neighbor Jokes

I finally bought a telescope yesterday to watch the meteorite shower. I'm still trying to figure out why my neighbor's named their daughter the meteor though.

Score: 2

I saw my Indian neighbor shake out his rug So, friendly as I am, I got the jump cables and offered to help him start it.

And if that doesn't work, bring it to my garage, I can get anything to run. You could almost say, I have a magic car pit.

Score: 2

Fun fact, bulls aren’t angered by the color red, but the waving motion of the cloth Which makes absolute sense since my neighbor gives me a scowl whenever I wave to her, Sharon you cow

Score: 7

I told my roommate, "I just reminded my neighbor 6 times to take his cat with him when he moves tomorrow." My roommate replied, " That's just your dementia." Ha, joke's on her. I remember all 3 times I told him.

Score: 5

My neighbor tricked me into buying his dog by claiming it could sew any article of clothing, But all it does is pants.

Score: 5

What kind of pepper do you not want as a neighbor? A jalapeño, because they get jalapeño business.

Score: 2

My elderly neighbor has grown children. In her backyard, quite impressive.

Score: 3

My poor neighbor.. was running with an eretion against the wall ... and broke his nose.

Score: 2

Our neighbor's cardiologist is married to an anesthesiologist She must be a total knock out

Score: 2

My neighbor's Shih Tzu dog mated with my Bulldog. now I have a Bullshiht.

Score: 2

A man was telling his neighbor, “I just bought a new hearing aid It cost me $5,000 but it is state of the art. It’s perfect.”
“Really,” answered the neighbor. “What kind is it?”
“Twelve thirty.”

Score: 3

Johnny asks his Dad what's between his Mom's legs... His Dad replied, "Paradise."
Johnny asked, "What's between your legs Dad?"
"The Key to Paradise"
"Well Dad, you better change the lock because the neighbor has a copy of the key."

Score: 1

A cannibal went walking in the forest... ... and he passed his neighbor.

Score: 2

Coming out of the closet in 2018 Mom.. Dad.... I have to tell you something and you may not like it.... sometimes when I visit the neighbor boy... we lock the door to his room.. and watch the NFL

Score: 3

Which superhero would you want as a neighbor? I'm not sure, but definitely not The Flash.

Score: 2

Wife: "Our new neighbor always kisses.... Wife: "Our new neighbor always kisses his wife when he leaves for work. Why don't you do that?"
Husband: "How can I? I don't even know her."

Score: 1

My Chinese neighbor offered to walk my dog for me. I almost let him until I saw the book he had on his counter. "100 Ways to Wok Your Dog"

Score: 1

After I cut my lawn today, my neighbor paid me a great compliment. He said it looked like Mexicans did it.

Score: 2

Someone has most likely made this dad joke before but I'm still proud/ashamed to have come up with it myself. Man 1: Did you hear about my neighbor who jumped off a cliff?
Man 2: Yeah, it's really unfortunate, he seemed like such a down to earth guy.

Score: 18

My neighbor tried to charge me $20 to watch the eclipse from his balcony Daylight robbery

Score: 11

So I was visiting my elderly neighbor the other day and he told me something: He said "Your generation is too dependant on technology."

I replied with "No your generation is." Then I unplugged his life support.

Score: 16

My neighbor just died from after overdosing on his homeopathic medication. Apparently, he forgot to take his pill.

Score: 2

Why America changed the spelling of words America:Color

England:Colour

America:Neighbor

England:Neighbour

America:Humor

England:Humour

America:Flavor

England:Flavour

England: What are you doing?

Murica': Getting rid of u.

Score: 10

My neighbor watched while I jerked off on my porch tonight. It was really buggy and the can was almost empty.

Score: 1

What do you get when you cross Studio Ghibli and pizza rolls? My Neighbor Totino

Score: 3

I'm moving in a few days and I asked my neighbor if he wanted my satellite Told em it's on the house.

Score: 2

Doctor: how did you get a black eye? Me: I was banging my neighbor over the kitchen counter when we heard he front door open.

She said, "that's my husband! Quick try the back door!"

Thinking back I should have ran but you don't get offers like that everyday!

Score: 5

My neighbor is stalking me! I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

Score: 4

I accidentally pointed out that my neighbor's cat had a prosthetic foot... it was a big faux pas.

Score: 2

My frugal neighbor doesn't want to pay for an electrician to re-wire his house so he's going to try and do it himself. "How hard can it be?" he said. I think he's in for a shock.

Score: 8

My neighbor came knocking on my yard at 3 am this morning Good thing I was still playing my bagpipes

Score: 2

My neighbor asked me to water his plants while he was on vacation... But I'm pretty sure they all died in that fire.

Score: 2

I decided to teach Karate to my neighbor's kid for free He was enthusiastic the first 2 days but then quit before he could finish painting the fences...

Score: 5

What do you call a nut that likes to look in the neighbor's windows? A pecan Tom.

Score: 5

How does a black person babysit the white neighbor kid? He Puts him in the cupboard with the rest of the crackers.

Score: 10

I told my friend across the hall that I was molested by a prostitute under the influence of marijuana... He said I had a "High, diddley hoe there, neighbor!"

Score: 1

A kid throws his frisbee. It lands on her neighbor's house. She goes up to the house, and says "If you get me the frisbee I'll give you 5 dollars" and the neighbor replies "Don't worry, it's on the house.".

Score: 2

Hearing Aid My neighbor just told me, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."

"Really," . "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty"

Score: 2

I think my neighbor might be involved in some illegal activities. I heard him confess to tax evasion when I was smoking meth in his attic.

Score: 4

Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies? Student: I do.... Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.

Score: 1

Someone told me that my neighbor how works for the highways department was a kleptomaniac which was hard to accept. But when I looked over his back fence, All the signs where there.

Score: 1

My neighbor knocked on my door at 3:00 AM! Can you believe that, 3 AM!? Lucky for him, I was still up playing my bongos.

Score: 3

Local man jump-starting neighbor's car. Local man arrested when jumpstarting neighbor's car.

Charged with battery

Score: 3

What's in between moms legs dad, said Johnny. Ahh..... its heaven son, said the father.

And in between yours father?

The key to heaven son.

Well... said Johnny. You should replace your key cause the neighbor has one.

Score: 8

My new 1000 watt sound system is great! I can control the volume of my neighbor's banging on my door.

Score: 1

Abraham Lincoln walks out in his garden in heaven and sees his neighbor in his own garden Abraham: "Your grass is getting long, shouldn't you cut it?"
Neighbor: "Yeah... You know, I used to have people for that..."

Score: 4

Love thy neighbor.. But don't get caught.

Score: 7

So, I know a guy and his motto is 'Love Thy Neighbor' He lives next to a brothel.

Score: 6

Splitting Internet Charges I asked my upstairs neighbor to split my internet charges with me, and we could share the bandwidth.

He accepted.

I asked my downstairs neighbor the same thing.

Now I have free Internet!

Score: 8

I'm pretty sure my next door neighbor thinks I'm a stalker. She wrote it on Facebook,Twitter, and in both of her diaries.

Score: 8

I've been secretly tossing pears at my neighbor for a couple weeks now I can hear him talking to his wife about government drones trying to drive him crazy, but he's just pear annoyed.

Score: 3

So a neighbor asked me if I wanted to do some math... And let me tell you, I've been awake for 3 days straight and never knew how much I liked math!

Score: 3

My neighbor was going out of town and asked if I'd feed their cat. I said sure... ...to what?

Score: 2

Two cow talking in a field The first one ask :
"aren't you afraid about this terrible disease from the neighbor's farm called" mad cow" ? "

The second one looked at her, surprised, and answered :
" I don't care... I'm a rabbit"

Score: 8

A man was arrested for dumping Chinese food on his neighbor's computer He was charged with wonton destruction of property

Score: 3

So I asked my neighbor how many babies you would need to change a lightbulb... and he told me he didn't know because his basement was still dark.

Score: 11

Three ISIS mothers having tea..... The first says: "My son Ahmed used to play here with the neighbor dog...

The next says: "My boy Abdul did too...I miss him.

The third says. "These kids just blow up way too fast"

Score: 2

My neighbor, an elderly prostitute, adopted a puppy and asked me if I could help train it.

I told her "No sorry, you can't teach an old trick's new dog."

Score: 14

My neighbor was a vampire When I stabbed her in the heart with a wooden stake, she died.

Score: 2

I told my neighbor with a cute daughter this joke today and it's killing him. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?

Because they spend years at 'C'

Score: 2