Hilarious New York Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest New York Jokes

The whole world should be worried if North Korea has a missile that can hit New York... ...because if it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.

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North Korea now has a missle that can reach New York City, and I think that's really scary. If it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.

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The whole world should be worried that North Korea has a missile that can hit New York... ... because if it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.

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Why are New Yorkers always so depressed? Q: Why are New Yorkers always so depressed?
A: The light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.

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In New York City, a fisherman reeled in a 250 pound catfish 6 feet 6 inches long. I don't get what the big deal is. I do that on Tinder every day.

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Why are New Yorkers so depressed? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.

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I'm concerned with the world news at the moment. Apparently, North Korea now has a missile that can hit New York, and I was thinking.

"If it can make it there, it can make it anywhere".

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Einstein is on a train leaving New York. He leans over to another passenger and asks, "excuse me, do you know if Boston stops at this train?"

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North Korea now has a missile that can hit New York, which is a bit scary… Because if it can make it there, it can make it anywhere…

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Apparently, North Korea now has a missile that can hit New York, which is a bit scary. If it can make it there, it can make it anywhere.

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My husband is like the New York subway... He makes me angry, frustrated, and late for work but I still can't help but ride him every day.

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Think New Yorkers don't get along? I just saw two complete strangers share a cab... One took the wheels and tires, the other took the battery and the radio.

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Where do all the New York City landscapers live? Lawn Guy Land

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Why did New York get all the lawyers, and New Jersey all the toxic waste sites? New Jersey picked first.

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The New York Knicks

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New yorkers How many newyorkers does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: How many?

Go f*** yourself.

That's how many.

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What's the difference between a lobster with breast implants and a New York bus station? Ones a busty crustacean the other one is a crusty bus station

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As a new yorker i was excited about a wall that keeps foreigners from taking our jobs Then I learned the wall wasn't being built around New Jersey.

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Did you hear about this year's newest fad diet coming out of New York and New Jersey? The swim-fast diet.

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Know why New Yorkers are so cynical? For them, the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey.

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I was walking down the street one day in New York City when I was approached by a black guy. He asked me "Did the Yankees Win?" I said "Well yeah, you're free"

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What is Al Qaeda's favourite team? New York Jets

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British Airways. Breakfast in London. Dinner in New York. Luggage in Tokyo.

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The whole world should be worried that North Korea has a missile that can hit New York… Because if it can make it there, it can make it anywhere!

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New York has the most lawyers in the USA. New Jersey has the most toxic waste dumps in the USA. Why is this so? New Jersey had first choice.

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What do you call a wine convention in upstate New York? The Lake Champlain Champagne Campaign

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Are you a cop from New York? Because you take my breath away.

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Pouring rain, New York City. A drunk hails a cab. Cabbie rolls down the windo, the drunk man says "hey mister, do you gave room for half a chicken and a six-pack in here"?

Annoyed, the cabbie says "sure"

the drunk says BLUGHHHHHH

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Did you know you're 10 times more likely to be robbed in your home town than in New York city? That's because you don't live in New York City

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I tried to tell a 9/11 joke in New York today It didn't fly well.

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Did you know a man gets run over by a car in New York City every five minutes? Whoa, he should really get out of the road!

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Are you the guy who denies bragging about weird stuff? Nope, I'm the guy who uses more hand sanitizer than anyone in New York City.

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Getting on a plane, I told the ticket agent, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!"
I told her, "You did it last week!"

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A Buddhist Monk visits a hot dog stand in New York and says "make me one with everything".

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Bin Laden's kid comes sad from school "Dad i got an F in Geography class"

"Why is that?"

"The teacher asked me what's the tallest building in New York and i said Empire State Building"

Bin Laden waits a moment and then replies

"Let dad handle this one."

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What's Bin Laden's favorite football team? The New York Jets

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What is al-queda's favorite football team? The New York Jets.

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What was the Taliban’s favorite football team? The New York Jets

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I was walking down the street in New York yesterday, when a black guy asked me if the Yankees won... I replied, "Yeah man, you're free."

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New New York Jokes

What is Osama bin ladens favourite sports team? The new york jets

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Over 100 years ago today, the RMS Titanic met it's watery demise in the North Atlantic. Among it's cargo was over 1000kg of mayonnaise bound for New York. So today, we remember the Sinko de Mayo.

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My dad in North Carolina asked me if I'd be able to fly home from New York for Good Friday.... I told him I couldn't because of the big storm.



Nor Easter

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A blonde stood on the streets of new york city with a surf board... She just wanted to catch the highest of the heat waves!

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Where would the black eyed pea's live if they lived in New York? Will.I.Am sburg

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What was George Bush’s favorite sports team? The New York Jets

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Three European contrabass players were denied access to USA at a New York airport... ...they couldn't let contraband trough customs.

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Louis CK returned to the stage last night with a 15 minute set at the Comedy Store in New York. He needed the exposure.

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Whats the difference between Middle Earth and New York? Two towers

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What does a penguin from New York say? “I’m waddlin’ here!”

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Why is New York so disappointing during every New Years? They always drop the ball.

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What's the difference between New York and Lord of The Rings? Twin Towers.

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Why did chicken from New York Times Online cross road? Sorry, you have reached your limit for free articles this month.

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New Yorkers are the fastest readers in the world. Some of them have been known to go through 100 stories in mere seconds.

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When I was 7 my parents moved to New York. When I was 14 I found them...

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They're gonna put San Diego Comic Con and New York Comic Con together, but people didn't quite get it They said it was con-fusing

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Where's the worst place to bring someone who's allergic to apples? New York City.

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What is the difference between New York and Middle Earth? Two Towers.

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What's the difference between Middle Earth and New York City? Two Towers

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New Yorker confuses me Some say forget about it and the others say never forget

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An Asian man decides to move to Manhattan to start a business, but when he gets to New York there are no high rise buildings. Where is he? Rong Island.

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Why did New York get all the lawyers and New Jersey get all the landfills? New Jersey got to pick first.

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New Yorkers are the fastest readers. 80 stories in ten seconds splat!

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What is Al-Qaeda's Favourite Football Team? The New York Jets.

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What announcement most people are still expecting to hear from Donald Trump? "Live from New York, it's Saturday Night!"

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How can you tell the difference between a Canadian and a New Yorker? New Yorker says: Eh! Get off my car...

Canadian says: Get off my car, eh...

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If Londoners are what you call people from London and New Yorkers are what you call people from New York, what are Hamburgers?? Delicious!!

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If you're from Virginia, you're a Virginian. If you're from New York, you're a New Yorker. If you're from Texas, you're a Texan. And if you're from Massachusetts, you're a Democrat.

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Why does NASDAQ like the New York Stock Exchange? Because it's NYSE.

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Which building in New York has the most stories? The public library.

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I think my wife is cheating on me. We moved from Paris to New York and somehow we still have the same gardener.

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What did the New Yorker say to the dog that couldn't get a ride to get food? Eukanuba!!

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Hey guys, I've a cat as a pet for a year now and recently found out my girlfriend doesn't like cat. Looking for someone interested in adopting. She's 22 from New York and works in HR.

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When I heard about 9-11... Considering I was living in New York at the time, as it was happening it occurred to me how easily that it could have been me involved

But then I realised I had no idea how to fly a plane

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Did you hear the joke about the Senator from New York? It was HILLARYous.

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There was a kidnapping in New York. But then he woke up.

Tied up in a basement.

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When doctors go on strike .... "Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs!"

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Where is the best place to get pastries in New York? Sconey Island

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An Alabama married couple moves to New York and gets a divorce Are they still brother and sister?

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Why are New Yorkers so skeptical about everything? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey

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The difference between watching a three ring circus, and going to New York to watch a performance by the Rockettes. Well, when you watch a three ring circus, you witness a cunning array of stunts...

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How does an Italian say goodbye to a German in New York City? Arrive-deutsch-i!

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Why does New York have so many Lawyers and New Jersey have so many toxic waste dumps? New Jersey got first choice.

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First time trying New York Chinese takeout and was asked how I liked it. It was Tso Good.

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Trump Administration blocked CNN, BBC, New York Times, LA Times from media briefing Looks like Little Donald needs a safe space...

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I'm sick of people telling me that I'm more likely to get mugged in London than New York. What do they expect? I don't live in New York.

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New Yorkers; don't go on flight 225B tomorrow *sent from a Galaxy Note 7*

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What's the difference between New York City and the Land of Mordor? Two Towers.

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What do Monica Lewinsky and the New York Giants have in common? They were both terrorized by Clinton Dix, Ha Ha.

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A young blonde, leaving home for a one week visit to New York A young blonde, leaving home for a one week visit to New York, was told by her mother to put on clean socks every day. By the end of the week she couldn't get her shoes on.

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People keep telling me that I have a higher chance of getting mugged in London than in New York. Well, what do they expect, I don't live in New York.

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Did you see the ball drop in New York? Mariah Carey did it!

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What's Al-Qaeda's favorite American football team? The New York jets.

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3 Canadians, 5 Americans, 2 Franks, 1 Arab, 6 Brits, 4 Aussies and 2 Chinese are in line to board a plane from Texas to New York. Who gets randomly searched?

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What was Bin Laden's favorite Football team? The New York Jets

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On checking in, I told the airline rep that I was going to New York, but I wanted my large bag to go to Tampa and my smaller bag to go to Tokyo. "We can't do that, sir." she declared.

"Why not?" I asked. "That's what you did when I flew with you last week!"

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What is Osama Bin Laden's favorite sports team? The New York Jets

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A Buddhist monk was on the streets of New York and he stopped at a hotdog stand. The vendor asks, "what would you like on it?" to which he replied,"Make me one with everything".

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Why does New York have all the lawyers while New Jersey got all the garbage dumps? New Jersey got to pick first

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