Hilarious Nuclear Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Nuclear Jokes

The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 140 characters So Trump can't tweet it

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What do British nuclear engineers eat? Fission chips.

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Kim Jong-Un has promised a new clear future for North Korea. Oops! Spelt ***nuclear*** wrong.

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A cockroach can survive a nuclear holocaust, but if you swat it with a newspaper it would die instantly This shows how toxic the media is

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The only thing round earthers have to fear... ...is nuclear war. That’ll flatten things pretty quickly.

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There are only two seasons in Russia: Winter and nuclear winter.

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The Pentagon is changing the nuclear codes to over 280 characters So Trump can't tweet it..

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I'm actually really happy with Trump's presidency so far. He's had the nuclear codes for a couple of days now and hasn't tweeted them yet.

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A Soviet newspaper announces: "Last night, the Chernobyl Nuclear Power Station fulfilled the Five Year Plan for heat energy generation..."

"...in four microseconds."

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What is the only meal served in nuclear power stations? Fission chips.

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I’m from a future where Trump won re-election and solved Global Warming Just a heads up though, nuclear winter is a bit chilly.

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Kim Jong-un has promised a new clear future for North Korea Oops, I spelled nuclear wrong.

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The nuclear launch codes have been updated. Now they're 281 letters long.

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I realised at the last minute that i forgot my protective goggles at the nuclear test facility this morning. My line manager saved my vision and shielded me from the intense light! He's my super visor

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What's Kim Jong Un's favorite step of mitosis? Nuclear division.

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What do you call a Tide Pod that prevents war? A nuclear detergent

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Cockroaches can survive a nuclear fallout but dies when you swat them with a newspaper... Shows how toxic our media is...

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What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics? "Oops"

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Trump is trying to solve global warming That's why he's trying to create a nuclear winter

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Pakistan makes nuclear threat in response to fake news The struggle Israel

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I walked into the nuclear plant operators office... I walked into the nuclear plant operators office and asked him what to do with the barrels of radioactive waste.

"Bury 'em" he snarled at me,

"No sir, it's actually uranium"

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What's a nuclear physicist's favourite food? Fission chips.

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I met a Nuclear Engineer the other day. He had a bunch of Electronic Engineers buzzing around him.

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Did you hear there was a nuclear explosion in space this morning?! Most people call it the sun.

Note: My dad pulled this on me this morning. My friend hit me when I told them.

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Did you hear Donald Trump's plan for combatting global warming? Nuclear winter

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President Donald Trump said that by 2050 US forces intend to attack the Sun if it does not stop nuclear reactions. the attack is planned at night or they will just fly from the dark side.

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What does a nuclear scientist write on their door when they go off work? Gone fission.

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How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a lightbulb? Seven. One to install the new bulb, and six to figure out where to store the old one for the next 10,000 years.

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Breaking news, as Kim Jong-Un's nuclear missiles have reached the USA! Fortunately, the stamps were recognised and they were sent back

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Alien 1: The dominant life form on planet earth have developed satellite based nuclear weapons. Alien 2: Are they an emerging intelligence?

Alien 1: I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves.

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I'm actually reasonably happy with Trump's presidency right now..... after all, he's had the nuclear codes for a couple of days now and hasn't tweeted them yet.

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I don't know why North Korea needs a nuclear bomb... ...their weather machine seems to be working just fine

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What did Donald Trump say on the season finale of Celebrity President? "Nuclear missiles ... you're fired!"

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Trump administration is good because its been more than 100 days and he still hasn't tweeted the nuclear launch codes

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What do you get if you mix plutonium with a fishing rod? Nuclear fission

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What did the nuclear physicist have for dinner? Fission Chips

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To escape North Korea's long range nuclear missiles.

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American nuclear response time is around four minutes. But eight minutes if you are using a cigar on a naked intern.

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North Korea wants nuclear weapons so bad, even their leader is a nuke Little boy and Fat Man

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New Nuclear Jokes

Once a nuclear bomb was dropped on Ethiopia. 1 million people died from the explosion, 2 million died running towards the mushroom.

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I was testing a nuclear rocket engine and it blew up. It's left me a nervas wreck.

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Why are people who look at a nuclear blast not racist? Because they don't see colour

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My supervisor at the nuclear plant is really lazy. I just found out one of the reactors was malfunctioning and asked him what we were going to do about it.

His answer was "Well that sounds like a U problem".

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Los Alamos has a sister city that nearly completed the nuclear bomb before them Los Almost.

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Joke from my science teacher years ago... Q: Why should you never wear Russian nuclear underwear?

A: because Chernob'll Fallout.

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There was one feminist engineer in the nuclear plant ... Kept asking about the status of the reactress ...

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What did the nuclear plant worker do on his holiday? He went fission.

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What's the problem with a nuclear engineer with boundary issues? You give them an inch and they take 3 miles.

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Two atoms get into an argument. It was nuclear fall out.

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What did President Trump say to the nuclear weapon? You're fired!!

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Hey baby, are you the nuclear war between America and Russia? Because neither of us want to come first, but both want to fire

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What did the nuclear physicist order for lunch? Fission Chips.

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Why have we been having so many natural disasters lately? I think the world is trying to prepare us for what nuclear war feels like.

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One nematode asked another- "Can I come over to your place if humans set off a nuclear holocaust? And how will we survive?"

The other one replies "If you encyst."

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NBC Every time I see or hear anything related to the NBC news network, my brain automatically goes: Nuclear, Biological, Chemical.

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Forget Chicken or Egg Time to think Civil or Nuclear

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The US military would be really disappointed when it sits down to brainstorm a name for the nuclear bomb to be dropped on Kim Jong-un and realises that Fatman is already taken.

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How big is a nuclear blast? *YUGE*

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A nuclear scientist sent me a dodgy email I've heard about this fission scam

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Why would a Hipster hate a Nuclear War? Because when the bombs detonate, dying would become too mainstream.

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Video: Finnish Navy and Yle mistakenly follow Russian nuclear submarine Whoops. Wrong sub.

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Two Canadian nuclear physicists walk into a bar The first one says "Will you pay for this round?"

The second one replies "CANDU."

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Did you hear about the Marathon being held in Chernobyl for Victims whose Limbs have been amputated? They're calling it the Nuclear Arms Race.

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What is trump's plan against global warming? Nuclear winter

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What is Donald Trump's plan for combating global warming? Nuclear winter

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Not sure why everyone is freaking out that Trump has his Finger on the Nuclear Button... By his own admission; this isn't the first time his hands have been somewhere they shouldn't

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This whole North Korea thing is starting to get quite worrying. A child-like leader with a huge army, nuclear weapons and millions of brainwashed supporters. And then there's Kim Jong Un.

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They're wrong when they say Trump is promoting inequality. In a nuclear war everyone is cremated equally.

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I can only think of one thing worse than Trump with his finger on the nuclear trigger. Micheal J Fox with his finger on the nuclear trigger.

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‘North Korea plans nuclear attack targeting US’ At first I was alarmed at reading this, then I realised they meant United States.

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Why shouldn't you wear nuclear underwear? Because Chernobyl Fallout

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What do you call a nuclear-powered car? A mobile-Chernobyl!

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What didn't the Japanese understand nuclear missile technology? It was a little over their heads

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