Hilarious Onion Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Onion Jokes

Score: 465

My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

Score: 348

When I was a kid, my family was very poor... I remember my dad was cutting Onion and our whole family was crying.

Poor Onion.

He was such a good dog...

Score: 215

What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? I don't cry when I'm cutting up the hooker

Score: 203

An opinion without 3.14 Is just an onion...
DEEP

Score: 166

My wallet is like an onion Whenever I open it my eyes tear up

Score: 125

My friend thinks he's smart. He said onion is the only food that can make you cry.
I threw a coconut at his face.

Score: 112

An opinion without 3.14... is just an onion.

Score: 104

When I was a kid... ... our family was very poor. I remember when my dad was cutting onion and our whole family was crying. Poor onion. He was such a good dog.

Score: 103

My friend told me the onion is the only food that makes you cry. I disagreed and threw a coconut at his face.

Score: 63

What's the difference between an onion and a hooker? I cry when I cut up onions

Score: 59

What's the difference between an onion and a hooker? I've never cried when chopping up a hooker.

Score: 55

Smart Friend My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

Score: 53

What's the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I chop an onion.

Score: 52

Recently divorced Marine sniper slapped with a 1500 yard restraining order. He is now struggling to understand the distance that has become between them, as well as windage.

Source: The Onion

Score: 50

My friend said an onion is the only food that can make you cry I threw a coconut at him.

Score: 46

What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion? Teargas

Score: 40

Smart!!!! My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

Score: 38

What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? I never cry when I cut up a hooker.

Score: 37

My friend told my that onion was the only food that made people cry.. So I threw a coconut at him

Score: 36

I’m an annoying on the outside, but I’m like an onion. You peel back the layers, find the same thing and just start crying

Score: 35

What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? You don't cry when you cut up a hooker.

Score: 33

An opinion without 3.14 ...is just an onion. 😆

Score: 30

Where do onions wrestle? Onion rings.

Score: 28

What is an opinion without 3.14? An onion.

Score: 24

My friend said that an onion is the only food that can make people cry So I threw a coconut at his face to prove him wrong

Score: 24

My Hip Hop name is DJ Green Onion. But you can call me Rapscallion.

Score: 24

From what I've read, people were a lot more serious about invasive plant species 30 or 40 years ago. A lot of people were writing about stopping the spread of the Soviet onion.

Score: 24

What's the difference between an accordion and an onion? No one cries when you cut up an accordion

Score: 21

A green onion shouts "Yo, drop the beet!" Quite the rapscallion.

Score: 20

What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? I cry when I cut up onions.

Score: 13

My wallet is like an onion.. When I open it, I cry.

Score: 12

Why’s billy in the hospital? “Well he said the only food that could make you cry was an onion..”

“And?”

“So, I threw a watermelon hat his head”

Score: 11

What's the difference between an onion and an anti vaxxer? No one cries when you cut up an anti vaxxer.

Score: 7

What's the Difference Between An Onion and a Baby I cry when I cut onions.

Score: 6

What is the difference between a baby and an onion? I cry when I chop an Onion!

Score: 6

If Donald Trump talks about "fake news" during the State of the Union... Does that make it the State of the Onion

Score: 5

What do you do if a person thinks that a onion is the only thing that makes them cry... Throw a coconut in their face.

Score: 5

How do you turn an opinion into an onion? -3.14

Score: 4

What do you call an onion that wants to get into hiphop? Rapscallion

Score: 4

New Onion Jokes

My friend has acussed me of not being able to say Onion backwards. No, I know.

Score: 0

So my pet onion ran away the other day ago... That little rapscallion.

Score: 3

Today I chopped up Onion for dinner and it made me cry. I guess it's true that you grow an attachment to an animal after you give it a name He was a good dog

Score: 3

Just bought myself a new pair of headphones which have a weird fault. In the left ear it’s saying “chicken and mushroom” and in the other ear it keeps repeating “steak and onion.” That’ll be the last time I buy anything from Pioneer.

Score: 2

I don’t get why people say the onion is satyr Ancient Greece didn’t have that kind of news outlet

Score: 1

Which one would make you cry? My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

Score: 2

Does Eminem always have to spit on my onion rings? It always ends up tasting like spaghetti.

Score: 3

So I was cooking today... I heated up some oil, fried up some garlic, onion and chillis. Stirred in some chopped tomatoes, added vinegar and sugar and left it to simmer. Boy can I tell you, when it was done, it was relish!

Score: 1

My friend said an onion is the only food that makes you cry So I threw a coconut at his face

Score: 1

An opinion without 3.14159 is just an onion. This joke Piutifull.

Score: 4

Cry!! My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face.

Score: 2

What do you call a green onion that's into hip hop? A rapscallion.

Score: 1

What do you get when you cross Eminem with a green onion? A rapscallion.

Score: 2

What do the European Union and the European Onion have in common? They both make people cry when they're chopped up.

Score: 3

I figured out the best way to not cry when cutting an onion. Just don't form any sort of emotional bond with it.

Score: 2

An opinion without 3.1415926535897932.... is just an onion.

Score: 2

Uh, hi. Yeah, I'll have a six-inch Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki on Honey Oat, please. No, thanks, no double meat or cheese. Yeah, lettuce, tomato, cucumber, banana peppers, and..." *checks phone* Oh, shoot. Wrong sub.

Score: 2

I cried when my Dad chopped up onion... Onion was a good dog...

Score: 3