Optometrist Jokes

A Polish man goes to the eye doctor... A Polish man goes to the eye doctor. The bottom line of the eye chart has the letters:

C Z Y N Q S T A S Z

The Optometrist asks „Can you read this?”

„Read it?”, the Pole replies, „I know the guy!”

What do you call a Muslim optometrist who has no regards for his patients? Asif Eyecare

I broke up with my girlfriend, who is an Optometrist She meant well, but she was just too annoying in bed. She was always saying, "So, do you like it better like this.... or like this?"

A friend showed me a photo of his wife. “Isn’t she stunning?” He said.

“You should see my wife,” I replied.

“What, is she stunning, too?” He asked.

I said: “No, she’s an optometrist.”

My optometrist says I'm colorblind. I should have realized it a long time ago... I mean, there were green flags everywhere.

Guess who I bumped into on my way to the optometrist Everyone

I'm so glad I stumbled across that optometrist's webpage... ...it was a site for sore eyes.

What does the evil optometrist say? "you'll see. You'll all see! Muahahahaha!"

"Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing green spots." "Have you seen an optometrist?" "No, just green spots."

I needed to go to the optometrist the other day, guess who I bumped into? Everyone

What do you call an Eskimo optometrist? ...An optical Aleutian.





I actually made this one up.
But if someone else said it first, I wouldn't be surprised.

What did the Australian optometrist say to the client with 20/20 vision? Good eye, mate.

How many optometrist does it take to change a lightbulb? 1 or 2? 1... Or 2? 1 or 2?

I was at the optometrist's office yesterday. I asked if we could pause the test because I really needed to go to the bathroom. He asked, "Number one or number two?".

Did you hear about... ...the optometrist who fell in his lens grinder?

He made a spectacle of himself.

I think my optometrist is falling in love with me... Every time I leave his office he hands me a sample of contact solution and says, "Eye care for you"

An optometrist asks a woman out on a date I have a couple of ideas:

1: Dinner
2: Movies

1 or 2? 1.. 2..? 1..... or 2?

A Chinese man goes to an optometrist complaining of blurriness in one eye The optometrist examines him and says "You have a cataract."

To which the Chinese man replies "Noh, I drive Lincoln Coninenal."

I went to the optometrist the other day and he told me I was colourblind... It came right out of the purple

An Asian man walks into an optometrist's office AFter testing the mans vision the doctor says to him
"Sir i belive you have a cataract"
"Nonsense" the man says "I drive a Rincoln"

I dated an Optometrist, but just had to break up with her She was a great girl, but really annoying in bed. She kept on saying, "So, do you like it better like this? Or like this?"

How does an optometrist make love? Better like this ... or better like this?

My optometrist likes to make eye puns they keep getting cornea and cornea

A patient goes to a new optometrist. “What seems to be the problem?”

“Well something is wrong with my left eye. It doesn’t seem right.”

“Well that’s because it’s your left. Any other questions?”

My wife went to the doctor As she laid on the table naked, she had to tell the Optometrist "My eyes are up here!"

Why did the cell phone go see an optometrist? It needed contacts.

A chinaman goes to see his optometrist A chinaman goes to see his optometrist and the doctor says, "Well sir, I think I see you're problem, you seem to have a cataract." The patient replies, "No, you're wrong, I drive a Rincoln Continentu."

The optometrist told me I had Gary Larson disease I'm farsided

I made this joke up when I was falling asleep! What do you call a blind optometrist?

"Eye-rony" !!!!

Why was the optometrist embarrassed? He made a spectacle of himself.

So i thought of a couple good optometrist Jokes, Which do you like more #1 or #2 I'll see myself out

What did the Australian optometrist say? Good eye, mate!

My polish friend went to the Optometrist the other day. The Dr. Asked him to read the 6th line down. The letters were "GOLVIJKSTRL". My friend said "Read it? I know the guy!"...

What do you call an enlightened optometrist? A visionary.

A pessimist sees the glass half empty An optometrist sees the glass in focus.

How does an optometrist count? 1... 2... that's 1 again... 2... or how about 3?

A guy goes to an optometrist and says "Doc, I have a big problem! I see everything in doubles!"

To which the doctor replies: "for this small issue, all four of you had to come in?"

You should never ask an optometrist to help with the anesthesia. He kept poking the patients and asking them "Number one or number two?"

What did the optometrist yell when he blamed for stealing? “I was framed!”