Contents
Contents
ARTIST: I'd like your opinion on my painting.
CRITIC: It's worthless.
ARTIST: I know, but I'd like it anyway.
Teacher: OK Sally, make a sentence using the word ‘contagious’ Sally: Our neighbour is painting his whole house with a two inch brush and my dad said it’s going to take the contagious.
Did you know there used to be a van in the painting “Starry Night”? Where did the Van Gogh?
Watson found Holmes busily painting the front door bright yellow.
"What on earth is that, Holmes?"
"It's a lemon entry, my dear Watson."
I decided to teach karate to my neighbors kid He was enthusiastic for the first two days but then quit before he could finish painting the fences
Oh my. This painting really reminds me of my late uncle... Because it touches me so much
Do you know why Van Gogh got into painting Be cause he didn't have an ear for music.
Look I don’t know who this “Rorschach” guy is But he’s got some nerve painting my parents fighting so often
I decided to teach Karate to my neighbor's kid He was enthusiastic the first 2 days but then quit before he could finish painting the fences...
Why did the painting go to jail? Because it was framed!
My art teacher says that i am obsessed with The Rolling Stones and told me to stop painting their logo in her class. So i Paint It Black
Why did the painting go to jail? It was framed.
That has got to be the worst painting of a wagon I have ever seen "It's a horse-drawn carriage", replied the artist.
This racism thing has gone too far I mean you can't even say black paint anymore, you have to say "Leeroy, would you mind painting the fence"
I finally realized why the painting of Washington crossing the Delaware is such a big deal It depicts the last time someone willingly entered New Jersey.
What's common between an old guy and a painting? It only takes one bad stroke to kill them.
A man spent millions on an impressionist painting then ate it... He put his Monet where his mouth is.
What's Michael Jackson's favorite painting? The Sha-Mona Lisa.
I hung a painting today perfectly on the first try I straight up nailed it
I was painting the house with my kids yesterday. It was fun and all, but I wasn't sure where to hide the bodies.
I'm not real familiar with who this Rorschach guy is... ...but he sure loves painting pictures of naked dudes.
Today, I saw a painting unveiled at a museum, but it was merely a red dot on canvas. It must have been a period piece.
Ever since I started a company painting ceilings… Business has been looking up.
What’s the difference between losing a van and losing a painting? You’ll either be asking “Where’d the van go?” or “Where’d the Van Gogh go?”
Why did the innocent painting go to prison? Because it was framed.
I don't believe the Rorschach test works, you know the therapy ink block test thing!? I don't know who it is but they keep just painting pictures of my parents fighting
A couple hooked up to the Joy of painting..... 9 months later they had a happy little accident
A real Picasso painting declared a forgery by a fake authenticator... ...is art officially artificial according to an artificial art official.
It's politically incorrect to say 'black paint' these days... You must say, "Jamal, would you mind painting the fence please?"
Girl, are you a painting? Cause I'd like to hang you in my room
What do you call a sick painting? An Ill-ustration.
I decided to teach Karate to my neighbor's kid for free He was enthusiastic the first 2 days but then quit before he could finish painting the fences...
Caravaggio was so unappreciated in his time, he never sold a single painting. He was baroque.
Blonde painting a house
Did you hear about the blonde who wore two jackets when she painted the house?
The instructions on the can said: "Put on two coats."
Why did the cops let the painting go? Cause it was framed.
What was Hitler's favorite color to use when painting? Aryan white.
For our art homework we had to do a painting and my teacher asked me where mine was.
I said, "My dog ate it."
"But you don't have a dog..." said the girl next to me.
"You're right," I replied, "not any more."
I tried painting my computer black to make it run faster but now, it won't work!
What kind of painting can put you to sleep? An aesthetic.
What’s Michael Jackson‘s favourite painting? Shamona Lisa
Bush jr stopped painting and is now a DJ He only plays Dubyastep
Why did a painting self-destruct itself after the auction? So the artist could laugh all the way to the Banksy.
I’m a painter and my friend is an author
I recently did a painting and sold it at auction for a hundred dollars. At the same time my friend published a short story for the same price
I guess a picture is worth a thousand words
Van Gogh started painting at 27, but had to give it up 10 years later...
...apparently his glasses kept falling off.
(OC: Jimmy Carr)
A woman walks into a bar with a kid, holding brown paint in one hand, paintbrushes in the other.
The bartender says: "Is that your son? He isn't allowed in here."
The woman says: "I promised I would give him a chocolate bar, so everybody start painting."
I went to an art event this morning, and this painting really SPOKE to me... I then remembered that I forgot to take my schizophrenia medication.
My wife says I have too many hobbies I already gave up tennis and swimming, but painting is where I draw the line.
What did the painting of the Haywain and the rash on the lesbians chin have in common?
They are both by Constable
(really bad, so sorry)
My kid keeps painting lots of bar graphs and lines... I'm worried he is artistic!
What is the painting in Milwaukee of Pope Benedict called using 17,000 Colored Condoms? Eggs Benedict.
I'm opening the first place you can create a painting and brew your own beer It's called "Arts & Crafts"
Did you hear about the painting that was falsely sent to prison? He was framed.
Painter sees a critic standing in front of his painting... Walks up to him and asks "What's your opinion of my painting?"
Critic: "It's worthless!"
Painter: "Yeah I know, but I'd like to hear it anyway"
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