Hilarious Pants Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Pants Jokes

Jared from Subway ended his career the same way he began it Trying to get into smaller pants

Score: 16983

I wasn't sure what to wear to my Pre-Mature Ejaculators Anonymous meeting... so I just came in my pants.

Score: 9690

Jared Fogle Of Subway Started and Ended His Career The Same Way. Trying to get into smaller pants.

Score: 2779

Boss perv I sit at work today drinking Coke, doing some stuff with Excel tables when suddenly my boss puts his hand into my pants, jerks me off, and then goes back to his previous work like nothing happened. Being self employed has its positives.

Score: 2253

During my prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants"? "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.

Score: 2242

A man goes to do the doctor for a physical. He tells the not to be alarmed but he has 5 penises. The doctor says, “5 penises!? How do you pants fit?”

The man replies “Like a glove.”

Score: 2058

I asked my doctor where to put my pants during my prostate exam. "Over there next to mine" was not the answer I expected.

Score: 1009

Score: 976

Why is Jon Snow so ticklish? Aunts in his pants...

Score: 932

If I had 5 dollars in one pocket and 5 dollars in the other what do I have? Someone else's pants on.

My grandfathers favorite joke.

Score: 825

You should always bring two pairs of pants golfing. Just in case you get a hole in one.

Score: 625

Why did the snowman take his pants off? He heard the snow blower was coming.

Score: 540

An ancient Greek walks into a tailors with a torn pair of pants: "Euripides?" Asks the tailor.

"Yeah, Eumenides?" Replies the man.

Score: 508

I was invited to a party... 'Black tie only' was written on the invitation card. When I got there, I noticed that other people worn shirts and pants, too.

Score: 493

Before the prostate exam, I asked the doctor where should I put my pants. "Here, next to mine" wasn't the answer i was expecting.

Score: 471

Superman once arm wrestled Chuck Norris Loser had to wear their underwear outside their pants.

Score: 322

What has 100 legs but can't walk? 50 pairs of pants.

Score: 313

What's the difference between my parents and my girlfriend? I don't need to take my pants off to disappoint my parents.

Also, my parents are real.

Score: 307

Why is wrestling stupid?? It's a bunch of guy's without pants fighting for a belt....

Score: 275

Just pooped my pants. Which is weird, because I don't even remember eating them.

Score: 271

Told my girlfriend that there was a party in my pants and that she was invited. She asked if it was a search party :(

Score: 260

I didn’t know what to wear to my first Masturbaters Anonymous meeting the other day... So I just came in my pants

Score: 214

My girlfriend peed her pants and asked me if she was still beautiful. I told her, "urinate out of ten."

Score: 206

5 penises A man visits his doctor and tells him,

"You've got to help me doc. I've got 5 penises!"

To which the doctor replies,

"5 penises! How do your pants fit?"

"Like a glove!"

Score: 205

Why did the bald man have his hand down his pants? So he could run his fingers through his hair!

Score: 194

What's the best way to make pants last? Make the jacket first.

Score: 178

Two guys are changing in a locker room, one is putting on lace knickers "Since when do you wear womens pants?"

"Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!"

Score: 164

Girls pants are like a cheap hotel... ... no ballroom.

Score: 163

My boss noticed I shaved before coming in to the office today then he told me if i wanted to keep my job I would have to start keeping my pants on

Score: 163

Sammy just bought a new pair of pants. He's explaining to Dean that these pants were specially fitted for dancing.

"Ballroom?" Dean asks.

"Not much," Sammy replies.

Score: 162

Michael Jackson should have opened a clothing line for pants. He could have called it Billie Jeans.

Those prices are THRILLER!
No one can BEAT IT!

Kids pants would be half off there.

Score: 149

Three things that never lie..... Little kids, drunk people, and yoga pants

Score: 134

I went to see a therapist. I said, "I'm not sure if I'm a man or a woman."

He said, "Right. Just pull your pants down for me."

I said, "No."

He said, "You're a woman."

Score: 110

What's the difference between a priest and his dog? One wears pants and a collar while the other wears a collar and pants.

Score: 109

What's the difference between a priest and a dog? One wears pants and a collar, the other wears a collar and pants

Score: 102

A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel coming out of the front of his pants. The bartender looks up and says "Hey Pirate, you've a got a steering wheel coming out of the front of your pants!"

The pirate says "Argh, it's driving me nuts."

Score: 101

Happiness is like peeing your pants Everyone else can see it, but only you can feel the warmth.

Score: 99

My grandmother got my grandfather new pants and I asked him how they fit. He said, "Like a cheap castle." I said I was confused. He then explained, "No ballroom."

Score: 96

Wrestling is stupid Men without pants fighting over a belt.

Score: 83

I used to pee my pants every time i had to talk in front of my 3rd grade class It really killed my teaching career.

Score: 76

New Pants Jokes

I always carry two pairs of pants to golf Just in case I got a hole in one

Score: 11

My dad was getting a prostate exam. He asked the doctor, "Where should I put my pants during the exam?" "Just toss them in the corner" replied the doctor, "Right next to mine."

Score: 6

I remember laying in bed as a child waiting for Santa Claus to come.... Then there was always that awkward silence afterwards as he put his pants on and left.

Score: 23

Jared Fogle ended his career the same way he began it... By trying to get into smaller pants.

Score: 29

what do kevin spacey and walmart have in common? They both have small boys pants at half off!

Score: 6

There's only three things that tell the truth in the world Kids, Alcoholics and yoga pants.

Score: 6

I remember laying in bed at night waiting for Santa to come and then he'd put on his pants and give me my presents.

Score: 19

What do you see when a woman in the Army wears her pants too tight? Camo toe.

Score: 8

A waiter says to a customer "Excuse me, miss, but you appear to have some lettuce stuck in your pants." "That's just the tip of the iceberg." She replies.

Score: 9

What's worse that ants in your pants? Uncles

Score: 32

During the prostate exam I asked the doctor, "where should I put my pants?" "Over there by mine", was not the answer I was expecting.

This is a repost from two years ago, all credits to u/-stillborn-

Score: 11

Jon Snows going to feel itchy during the GOT season finale! What else would you expect with aunts in your pants?

Score: 21

What are Marios favorite type of pants? Denim Denim Denim

Score: 9

"Is that a gun in your pants, or are you happy to see me?" Both, now get in the van.

Score: 10

A cowboy walks into a bar. He throws a coin up in the air, shoots at it three times, and says "My name is Bill, Buffalo Bill". After the cowboy, a stranger stands up, pulls down his pants, showing three testicles and says "My name is Bill, Cherno Bill".

Score: 14

Why was the therapist wet? He therapist his pants!

Score: 5

Prostate exam I wwnt in for my prostate exam, and took off my pants. I asked the doctor, "Where do you want me to set these?" "Over there, next to mine," is not the answer I was expecting.

Score: 6

I told my Girlfriend, "There's a party in my pants and you're invited." She said it was a search party

:(

Score: 23

Why did the golfer take two pairs of pants with him? Just in case he got a hole in one.

Score: 5

A pirate walks into a bar..... with a peg leg, a parrot on his shoulder, and a steering wheel on his pants.

The bartender says, "Hey, you've got a steering wheel on your pants."

The pirate says, "Arrrr, I know. It''s driving me nuts."

Score: 39

Hey, is that a keg in your pants? because my alcoholism is tearing me apart.

Score: 8

Friendship... Is like peeing your pants. Everyone around you can see it but only you can feel the warmth it brings.

Score: 24

A guy walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants... And the bartender asks "what's wrong?"

The man replied "I don't know, but it's driving me nuts!"

Score: 53

When I die I want to be cremated and my ashes spread on a beach. Because even when I'm dead, I still want to get into lady's pants.

Score: 5

Why did the chemist's pants keep falling down? He had no *acetol*.

Score: 17

Why do golfers wear two sets of pants? In case they get a hole in one.

Score: 5

Why do golfers wear 2 pairs of pants? In case they get a hole in one

Score: 5

Did you hear about the man with 5 penises? His pants fit like a glove

Score: 14

A man explains to his girlfriend that his pants are especially made for dancing. Girlfriend: Ballroom?

Man: No not much.

Score: 34

What did the Tailor do when the man was upset that his pants were too long? He cut the guy some slacks

Score: 8

Friendship is like peeing your pants Everyone can see it, but only you can feel the warmth.

Score: 5

Why did Susan bring two pairs of pants to her golf game? In case she got a hole in one!

Score: 9

When is a pixie not a pixie? When she's got her head down an elf's pants, then she's a goblin.

Score: 76

Did you hear about the man born with 5 dicks? His pants fit like a glove.

Score: 48

Why did the Golfer bring two pairs of pants to the game? In case he got a hole in one

Score: 22

The Pirates pants A Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants. The bartender says to him "why have you got a steering wheel on your pants isn't that annoying".

The Pirate says "Aye its driving me nuts".

Score: 6

How do cannibals get ready in the morning? Just like anyone else they wakee up, get out of bed, put on their pants and eat breakfast, one leg at a time.

Score: 20

What did the pants say to the belt? Don't let me down

Score: 8

As a golfer, it's always smart to wear 2 pairs of pants. You know, just in case you get a hole in one.

Score: 23

Two blonds are doing 180mph on a highway. A cop pulls them over, gets out, and as he walks towards the blondes's car he drops his pants. One blonde says to the other: "Oh no, not another breathalyzer test."

Score: 6

Why is it always a good idea to wear 'tall pants'? Because it's a practice of good high-jean!

Score: 5

A man walks in to a hospital And says to the doctor "I have five penises". The doctor asked him how his pants fitted. "Like a glove" he replied.

Score: 9

How are morbidly obese people and child molesters alike? Both want to get into smaller pants.

Score: 6

I Work At Sears And Some Black Guys Came In Asking For Polyester Pants It's weird because they usually pick cotton.

Score: 18

What does a tight pair of pants and a cheap motel have in common? No ballroom.

Score: 21

A man walks into a psychiatrists office wearing saran wrap pants. Man: Doctor, I think I'm crazy.

Psychiatrist: Well I can clearly see your nuts.

Score: 52

Why did the Priest go to Walmart? Because the little boys pants were half off.

Score: 23

Having a good friend is just like peeing your pants. Everybody can see it but only you feel that warm sensation of happiness.

Score: 10

What did the Scottish man do when he ran out of pants to wear? He kilt himself

Score: 5

I don't always go golfing, but when I do I bring two pairs of pants... ....in case I get a hole in one

Score: 16

Was going to wear my camouflage pants today Couldn't find them.

Score: 10

Ugh, these new pants feel like a cheaply made castle. No ballroom.

Score: 30

I have a Pakistani girl friend. Last night she said that she wanted to blow me. Now I wasn't sure if I should lower my pants or call the cops.

Score: 7

I'm so poor I'm so poor that for Christmas my mom cut a hole in my pants so I would have something to play with.

Score: 24

A joke my granpda tells to me every time I see him A pirate walks into a bar and sits down. He orders a drink. The bartender gives him the drink and says "sir do you know there's a steering wheel in your pants" the pirate replies "yarr, its driving me nuts"

Score: 45

My 6' tall female friend complains that she can't ever find pants long enough to fit. Try Amazon.com

Score: 6

I wear two pants when I go golfing Just in case I get a hole in one

Score: 7

I always assumed you took off your pants during a prostate exam But apparently that's "not appropriate for a medical professional".

Score: 23

Heard this from my History Professor. Ronald Reagan had such high regard for the office of President that his jacket was never off.

Bill Clinton had such high regard for the office of President that his pants were never on.

Score: 18

I was at KFC placing my order.... and I ask the girl at the register, "do you have chicken legs?" she says, "yes." so I says to her, "is that why you're wearing pants?"

Score: 8