Hilarious Parking Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Parking Jokes

Man: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking son's disease that I have ever seen.

Score: 16182

Score: 6521

Dad: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! Doctor: Wow! That's the worst case of parking sons disease I have ever seen.

Score: 3160

Dating in your 30s is like looking for a parking spot... The good ones are all taken. The rest are either handicapped or too far away.

Score: 2199

What's big, black and loaded with aids? A new Cadillac Escalade with cruise control, lane alert, navigation, downhill descent control and parking assist.

Score: 1882

Why are women so bad at parking? Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches look like their whole lives.

Score: 1032

Man: Judge, 60% of my parking tickets are bogus! Judge: Repeat infractions?

Man: Fine. 3/5 of my parking tickets are bogus!

Score: 1022

Parking a single car doesn’t require much space. But parking 200 cars, now that requires a lot.

Score: 727

Got a parking ticket the other day for being parked illegally. Not sure why. The sign clearly said 'Fine for parking'.

Score: 606

You can tell Monopoly is an old game... ...because there's free parking, a luxury tax and rich people can actually go to jail.

Score: 589

I saw a lady in tears at the store She said she had lost an envelope with her tax refund inside. I gave her 100$ because I had just found about $1600 in the parking lot.
#payitforward

Score: 556

“Doc, all my 5 kids want to be valets when they grow up!” Doctor: WOW! That’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.

Score: 553

Love is like looking for a parking spot Everything good is taken and it's frowned upon to go into the handicapped ones.

Score: 454

I told my friend that "Last night there was a rear-end collision in my parking lot. After that, the drunk guy that hit the car gave me $800 and drove away". My friend asked me "Is that enough to fix it?" I said "I don't care, it wasn't my car."

Score: 423

Somebody actually complimented me on my parking today. They left a note on the windscreen. It said, "Parking fine", so that was nice.

Score: 410

Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a note on the windscreen. It said, "Parking fine", so that was nice.

Score: 389

Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.

Score: 354

Elon Musk: Did you move my car? Team: Yeah.

Elon: Into the parking space, like I asked?

Team: Parking!?

Score: 293

People need to stop putting flyers on my car. I don't want to see a band called "Parking Violation" at the "Courthouse."

Score: 280

Punctuality.... A company owner was asked a question, "How do you motivate your employees to be so punctual?"

He smiled & replied, "It's simple. I have 30 employees and 29 free parking spaces. One is paid parking."

Score: 270

Why are most women bad at parking? Because they have been constantly lied to about what 6 inches are

Score: 241

Man: Doctor, all five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up! Doctor: Wow! That’s the worst case of parking son’s disease that I have ever seen.

Score: 226

At the spelling bee Judge: Your word is "there."

Me: In a sentence please.

Judge: They're parking their car over there.

Score: 191

Women are like parking lots. The good ones are already taken and the others are either disabled, mother with child, or you pay for your time.

Score: 190

What's better than being able to use disabled parking spots? Legs

Score: 187

A guy with a “Baby on Board” sticker just backed out of a parking spot and directly hit my car. This guy has serious issues with pulling out.

Score: 170

Women are like car parking spaces... Usually, most of the good ones are taken....
So once in a while, you gotta stick it in a disabled one

Score: 168

How does Santa know if he lands on a Jewish house? There's a parking meter on the roof.

Score: 167

Women are like parking spaces.... All the good ones are gone, so every now and then when no one is looking, you stick it in a disabled one.

Score: 158

i got complimented on my driving earlier they left a note on the car saying parking fine

Score: 158

Doctor: Ok let's start with the good news Doctor: Your son will always find an available parking slot.

Score: 129

A man parks his car. As he is getting out a traffic warden walks up and says, "I'm sorry sir, you can't park your car here." ..... ...."Yes I can" says the man. "The sign there says, 'Fine for Parking'!"

Score: 120

The wardens at my University were always so nice. They always leave little notes on my car complimenting me, like, "parking fine".

Score: 78

Hey girl, are you a parking ticket? Because I picked you up on the street, and now I can't afford to pay you.

Score: 67

Women are like parking spaces The good ones are taken and the available ones are disabled

Score: 38

My girlfriend left me because I got a job as a parking warden. Fine.

Score: 19

What's the difference between parking in a designated area and parking on the street? A lot.

Score: 18

Women are like parking lots. When all the good ones are taken sometimes you have to put it in a disabled one.

Score: 16

Back when Stormy Daniels was in high school, none of her fellow classmen realized she would go down in history. Guys were usually getting it in the gym locker room or behind the teacher's parking lot.

Score: 15

What happened to the man with a legal fetish when he went to court for his parking ticket? He got off on a technicality

Score: 15

New Parking Jokes

The Female Parking Misconception Men should stop giving out about women parking far too close to the kerb. This wouldn't have happened if they hadn't constantly lied to women about how long 8 inches look like.

Score: 5

You should always tip the band Musicians are so broke, I just saw 4 of them in the parking lot sharing one cigarette!

Score: 0

Why do tech companies have basketball hoops in their parking lots? So they won't have troubleshooting

Score: 0

Ufo's don't need parking spaces.. they just use roundabouts

Score: 1

‘Somebody complimented me on my driving today,’ said one blonde to her friend. ‘Really?’

‘Well actually it was on my parking.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes, they left a little note on my windscreen. It said “Parking fine.”

Score: 2

Why do tech companies have a basketball hoop in their parking lot? So that their employees won’t have troubleshooting.

Score: 5

Women are like parking lots, All the best ones are taken so when no ones looking, stick it in the disabled one.

Score: 10

Girl are you a parking ticket? Because I picked you up on the street and now I can’t afford to pay for you.

Score: 5

What's black and grey and rolls around in the parking lot of a McDonald's? Mr. T and a pigeon fighting over a french fry.

I know it's old but it always made me laugh.

Score: 3

What did the golf carts nickname the Car who played golf? The Parking

Score: 1

What has more minivans than a dealership? A Mormon church parking lot....

Score: 5

Women are like parking spaces The best ones are taken. The ones that are left are for handicapped people.

Score: 2

How many parking spaces in front of the average store? A lot.

Score: 4

An old lady was smoking and pumping gas... Next thing I know, she's running around the parking lot, screaming, with her arm on fire. The cops showed up and arrested her for waving a firearm in public.

Score: 4

What happens to frogs when they park in illegal parking spots They get toad

Score: 2

Hey girl, are you a parking ticket? Because NO ONE LIKES YOU

Score: 12

Parallel Parking They say that the worst problem with parallel parking is the witnesses.

But if you are really bad at it, you can eliminate that problem.

Score: 7

What do you call an amphibian in a no parking zone? Toad.

Score: 1

Good men are like parking spaces. They're all either taken or handicapped.

Score: 4

Are you a parking ticket? "Because you got fine written all over you."

-Glenn Quagmire

P.S. heh heh, ohh riggght.

Score: 1

My car is so fast that it smacked into a bug and killed it... While I was parallel parking.

Score: 3

Parking slots are just like women You can slip into the disabled ones when nobody's looking.

Score: 7

My neice asked me what it was like being drunk I said you see that tree? when you are drunk you see two or four trees
she said, there is no trees. we are in a parking lot at walmart.

Score: 2

I once met this prostitute that went by the nickname "Watergate" I had no clue why until she began to deep throat me in a parking garage

Score: 2

Why did the chicken cross the road into a parking garage? He'd been through a lot

Score: 5

Why did the terrorist fail his driver's test? He couldn't tell the difference between a parking space and a crowded street.

Score: 1

What does the ice-cream van man do to save his parking spot? Puts cones out.

Score: 1

Today I walked across a parking lot I guess you can say I was going through a lot.

Score: 7

What happened to the frog when he parked in the wrong parking spot? He got toad

Score: 3

Someone asked me to validate their parking So I said, "You did a very good job. I am very proud of you."

^^I'm ^^sorry. ^^I ^^actually ^^said ^^that ^^to ^^someone ^^at ^^work ^^today.

Score: 14

How do jews celebrate Christmas? By installing a parking meter on the roof.

Score: 3

A husband and wife are getting their first baby scan After a few minutes of silent scanning, the couple ask the doctor if anything is wrong.

The doctor replies: On a positive note, your child will never struggle to find a parking space.

Score: 3

"Ahmed, you're parking too far away from the sidewalk." "Who cares, its gonna explode anyways."

Score: 2

I Like Long Walks on the Beach until the LSD wears off and it turns out I'm dragging a mannequin around a Wendy's parking lot

Score: 8