Hilarious Pee Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Pee Jokes

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because they're dead

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How does The Rock pee? He Dwaynes his Johnson.

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Why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because they're all dead

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Wife: I just got stung by a jellyfish. quick, pee on it Husband : [peeing on jellyfish] This is for stinging my wife

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Went swimming today. Took a pee in the deep end. Life guard noticed and started blowing his whistle. So scared I almost fell in.

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Friends are like snowflakes... If you pee on them, they'll dissapear.

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"Sir, you'll need to leave, you can't pee in the pool." "But everyone pees in the pool!"

"Yes, but not from the diving board."

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Friends are like Snowflakes If you pee on them, they disappear.

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How does a rock pee? He Dwaynes his Johnson

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Father looks out the window on a snowy evening. He gets furious and turns red.

"What's the matter, dear," his wife asks.

"It's our daughter's new boyfriend. He's written his name in the snow with pee."

"Oh. That's not so bad."

"Yeah, but it's in *her* handwriting."

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Who cares if you pee in the shower? The bride and all her guests, apparently.

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Is R Kelly a rapper or a raper? It depends how much pee is involved.

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From my 8 year old son Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Answer: Cause the Pee is silent

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A boy asks his mom, “When I grow up will I have two penises like daddy?” Mom: Daddy doesn’t have two penises son

Son: Sure he does! He has the little one he uses to pee and the big one he uses to brush the babysitter’s teeth!

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I got caught taking a pee in the swimming pool today. The lifeguard shouted at me so loud, I nearly fell in.

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Friends are like snow when you pee on them, they disappear.

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Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the toilet? Because the pee is silent.

With thanks to my seven year old son.

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My girlfriend left me because I am insecure. Nevermind she's back, she went to pee.

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What does it sound like when a pterodactyl uses the bathroom? Nothing, the pee is silent

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What do you call crystal clear pee? 1080p

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I used to pee my pants every time i had to talk in front of my 3rd grade class It really killed my teaching career.

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Friends are like snowflakes They dissappear when you pee on them

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I had to pee really bad at the swimming pool yesterday, so I tried to sneak it in at the deep end... But the lifeguard blew his whistle so loud I nearly fell in.

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Where is a tech support's bathroom located? At their I Pee address!

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Friends are like snowflakes When you pee on them they disapear

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I got caught taking a pee in the local swimming pool today... The lifeguard shouted at me so loudly, I almost fell in.

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My doctor told me I can't lift anymore heavy objects. . . So now I have to pee sitting down.

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How does The Rock pee? He Dwayne His Johnson

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Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? Cause the pee is silent.

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Did you hear about the Native American who drank 1000 glasses of tea? He drown in his tea pee.

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Did you hear about the Native American who tried to break the world's record for drinking tea? They found him dead in his Tee Pee.

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Friends are like snowflakes When you pee on them they disappear.

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If you were looking for a joke about pee... urine luck.

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What do friends and snow flakes have in common? They all disappear the moment you pee on them.

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Friends are like snowflakes If you pee on them they will disappear

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If it hurts when you pee.... Urine trouble.

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I knew an Indian who drank so much tea that he died in his tea pee

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Where does a valcano go to pee? The lavatory.

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Why can't you hear a pterodactyl urinate? Because it has a silent Pee

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New Pee Jokes

I'm the Muhammed Ali of drunks I bob and weave the entire time I pee

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I don’t know why but my girlfriend gets so furious when I pee in the shower. Maybe she won’t hear me if I turn on the water.

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What bird might be a member of the finch family, has a six-foot wingspan, and makes your pee smell funny? .
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Ready to groan?
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A Sparrow-Goose.

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If someone pee's on you, you know what? Urine trouble!

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What do an omelet and an UTI have in common? It burns when you pee

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When is an awning like a urine sample? When it’s a can-o-pee.

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I was walking past the bathroom in the Dolphin Inc. HQ offices. I really had to pee, but the restroom was closed. I was extremely upset, but then I read the sign:

"Closed for professional porpoises."

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Pee is like your future Except clearer, and there's less question it's going down the drain.

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When does the former Yugoslavia know it has kidney stones? When Bosnia hurts to go pee, duh

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A guy working on giving me urine and sperm samples tried to tell me how to do my job. I said hey, no comments from the pee/nut gallery.

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Do you think the expression "take a rain check" is especially apt among people who participate in golden showers? "I can't pee on you today, let's take a rain check."

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How does the Rock take a pee? Dwayne his Johnson

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What happens when your significant other discovers your pee on the toilet seat? Urine trouble.

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One time Chuck Norris pee'd in the tank of a semi-truck as a practical joke. That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.

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You give a man pea soup and he'll eat for a day. But you TEACH a man to pee soup...

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Did you hear about the Native American who drank too much tea? He drowned in his tea pee

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What did Micheal Jackson do in the bathroom? He took a pee hee.

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What does Shakespeare say after the 5th glass of water? To pee or not to pee.

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What did the plumber say to his girl friend when breaking up with her It's not poo it's pee

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You know how when you start to pee and it’s pretty clear so you’re thinking wow I’m pretty hydrated, cool! And then you keep going and it gets continuously darker and darker. This is life.

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One thing about going pee with an erection It’s hard

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Why do you hear nothing when a pterodactyl uses the toilet? Because the “pee” is silent

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There are only two type of guys. Those who pee in the shower And those who lie.

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A jellyfish stung my wife... "Quick, pee on it!" Said my wife

*Pees on jellyfish* "That's for stinging my wife!"

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What legitimizes urology research? Pee'r review

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When it’s hard to pee, Urine trouble.

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What does it mean when it hurts to pee? Urine trouble!

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Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? Because it has a silent pee.

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I like to walk in the rain so that no one can see my tears..... These are the kind of people that pee in swimming pools.

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I don't like asparagus It makes my pee taste funny

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Not to brag, but I'm pretty good in bed. I don’t snore or steal covers. And I only pee if something startles me.

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My only joke. What did one little boy say to another who wanted to join the pee-pee club?

"Urine".

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The router comes to a doctor Doctor: What is the problem ?

Router: I pee.

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There are three kinds of men... The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

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They promised me, they promised today will be the last time this stupid untrained dog will ever pee on my carpet! Plus, if it takes them more than eight hours to install the wood floors I get them free!

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There are two types of people in this world... Those who pee in the shower, and those who lie

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Pee in the pool and nobody bats an eye Do it from the diving board and everyone loses their minds

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What happened to the Indian who drank 10 gallons of tea? He drowned in his tea pee.

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What do friends and snow have in common? If you pee on them, they go away

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I was trying to teach my bird to say peanut today. So far, all that came out was pee.

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Why is it more difficult for men to pee when they have an erection? I don't know. Its just harder i guess.

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PQ syndrome When you point your weener in one direction, pee comes out the opposite.

Physically may be impossible, but scientists have concurred that alphabetically very much possible.

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If you were expecting a joke about pee, urine luck!

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When my three-year-old Son was told to pee in a cup at the doctor’s office... When my three-year-old Son was told  to pee in a cup at the doctor’s office, he unexpectedly got nervous. With  a shaking voice, he asked, “Do I have to drink it?”

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What do hoppy beers and Canadian urinals have in common? I pee, eh

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My wife asked me: "How do you pee and aim so well with an erection?" I said: "It's hard."

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What did the puddle of pee say to the guy standing in the puddle of pee? Urine urine

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All this fuss over a film being stored on DNA But when Pee Wee Herman tried to do the opposite, everybody lost their minds?

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If you gotta pee but there's no toilet in sight... ...urine big trouble

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Donald Trump Explained to me his version of trickle down economics. First he gets all of the money and then he pee's on you.

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What do they tell you when you get accepted into the pee club? Urine

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My doctor said I can't lift more than ten pounds... Can you help me pee?

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What is the proper term for 'gangster pee'? Gee Whiz.

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Want to hear a good pee joke? Well urine luck.

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