Hilarious Pen Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Pen Jokes

Score: 11141

A man arrived to a Duel with only a pen and a piece of paper He proceeded to draw his weapon

Score: 2011

I asked my North Korean pen pal how it was like living in North Korea "I can't complain" he wrote back.

Score: 1763

Why was the little ink drop crying? His mother was in the pen and he didn't know how long the sentence would be.

Score: 670

What did the valley girl say when her pen ran out of ink? I LITERALLY CAN'T EVEN WRITE NOW

Score: 556

Modern technology has never matched the simplicity and grace of the traditional pen. In fact, you could say that there is still no e-quill.

Score: 359

I have a pen that can write underwater... it can write other words too

Score: 235

The finebros confiscated my Epi-Pen I was having an allergic reaction.

Score: 225

A pencil isn't as phallic as a pen is.

Score: 196

Why was the ink blot upset? Because his father was in the pen and he didn't know how long the sentence would be.

Score: 186

For our chemistry exam we had to write a thousand words on acid. Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.

Score: 160

I'm so proud of my African pen pal. He told me he hasn't had a drink in days. That's the spirit! Keep it up pal.

Score: 150

A sheepdog .... gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer:

*"All 40 accounted for"*

*"But I only have 36 sheep"* says the confused farmer

*"Yeah I know"* says the sheepdog. *"I rounded them up".*

Score: 148

My pen can write underwater and many other words as well.

Score: 148

Why was the little drop of ink so sad? Because his father was in the pen, and he didn't know how long the sentence was!

Score: 124

Why did the nurse need a red pen at work? Just in case she needed to draw blood!

Score: 119

A cyclops and his wife looking for their prefect holiday destination Cyclobs: How do you spell Hawaii?

Wife: Well... You need two i‘s...

Cyclobs (putting the pen down): My life is just a joke to you isn’t it, Linda?

Score: 98

Aerosmith According to fellow band members, Aerosmith's Steven Tyler handles a pen very femininely. Rumour has it he doodles like a lady.

Score: 88

The teacher says "If you answer my question, you can go home." One student throws a pen at him. The teacher asks "Who did that?"

"It was me, goodbye."

Score: 84

After a talking sheepdog returns all the sheep to the pen he reports back to the farmer: “All 40 sheep accounted for.”

“But I only have 36 sheep.” says the farmer.

“I know,” says the sheepdog. “I rounded them up.”

Score: 70

"How is life in North Korea?" I wrote to my North Korean pen pal "I can't complain" he wrote back.

Score: 67

Guy walks up to a fat girl in the bar and asks: "Hey do you have a pen?" She replies: "why yes I do"

Guy: "well you better get back there before the farmer gets mad!"

Score: 62

What do you call an heirloom vape pen? A family Juul

Score: 56

Bought a pen the other day that can write under water It can write other words too

Score: 53

I almost bought a pen because it wrote underwater, but the biggest selling point for me was... It wrote thousands of other words!

Score: 48

I just bought a Dalmatian puppy... And I've found out that if you join all the dots together with a marker pen...

It doesn't wash off...

Score: 39

Why does the blonde nurse take a red pen to work? In case she has to draw blood.

Score: 39

Just so you know, I have an Epi pen... My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I should have it.

Score: 38

Why was the little ink blot so unhappy? Because his mother was in the pen, and they didn't know how long the sentence would be.

Score: 36

How many tickles does it take to tickle an octopus? Ten-tickles!

Courtesy of Ben Morehead of the Goulet Pen team.

Score: 36

A pen maker's joke I asked the ink drop why it looked so sad.

He said his mother was in the pen and he didn't know how long her sentence would be.

Score: 26

I took a prostate exam at home, I think I failed... I lost my pen

Score: 15

I have an epi pen My friend gave it to me just before he died. It seemed very important to him that I have it.

Score: 13

I befriended a feminist pen pal, but i don't think it's going so well... She just keeps sending me hate male.

Score: 12

How do you know your waitress is having a rough night? She's got a tampon behind her ear and she can't find her pen.

Score: 10

A student who never showed up to class or did the reading asked me to curve his final paper grade. I said yes. I took a red pen, scratched out the grade on the paper, then rewrote the F in cursive.

Score: 9

Le Pen honored an age old French tradition. Losing.

Score: 9

So it was in fact Le Sword That is mightier than Le Pen.

Score: 8

The pen is mightier than the sword but it can't defeat Macron.

Score: 8

How does a pig write an essay? With a pen and oink.

Score: 7

New Pen Jokes

Why did the fax machine destroy the bench and sharpie pen in a verbal duel? Because fax doesn't care about their feelings.

Score: 1

My sister in law is a nurse and she always has a red pen with her. I asked her why and she laughed and said ...you never know when I may have to draw blood.

Score: 5

What kind of pen / pencil do people with Parkinson use? Unstabilo.

Score: 2

The U.S.A. spent millions of dollars to create a pen that could write in space. The Russians used a pencil

Score: 0

A vape pen recently caused a fire at my office. The email telling people to keep them turned off was titled “Fire ignites Policy Change” They must have been Juul-bulent about that pun

Score: 1

Why is a red pen considered a weapon? Because it can draw blood.

Score: 1

With modern technology, we can put an AI into a pen with pigs. Then the pen has intelligence, and life forms But sadly, no bacon.

Score: 1

Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome? The Carpe DM

Score: 3

The guy I hate in my class threw a pen at the back of hy head... ...and yelled ''Headshot!''

I picked the dictionary that was on my desk, turned around and threw it at his face, right before yelling ''FACEBOOK!''

Score: 2

I'm a writer My pen name is Bic

Score: 4

A nurse reaches into her pocket... A nurse reaches into her pocket and pulls out a rectal thermometer.

"Oh no, some arseholes got my pen."

Score: 1

Guy walks up to obese woman “Hey do you have a pen?”
“Why yes I do”, replies the woman
“Well, you better get back in there before the farmer finds out”, says the man

Score: 1

I spent some time yesterday pondering whether I was actually a small strainer used to filter out ink-based writing objects. You could say I was a little pen-sieve.

Score: 1

An urban British South London youth just drew on me with his pen. I hope I don't get "Blud." Poisoning.

Score: 1

I accidentally stabbed myself with a tablet pen the other day... ...I ended up drawing blood.

Score: 2

I'm very proud of my African pen pal. He told me he hasn't had a drink in days!

Score: 3

A man calls a doctor in a panic "Doctor, doctor!" the man cries. "My son swallowed my pencil, and I don't know what to do!!"

"Now calm down," assured the doctor. "Tell me this:

...do you have a *pen?*"

Score: 3

What does a pig fill in it's pen? Oink

I'm sorry.

Score: 7

What are two places you never want to drop the soap? Penn State or the State Pen.

Score: 4

My friend gave me his Epi Pen as his final wish But I can't seem to get the thing to sign anything to save my life either

Score: 2

I'm an American, but I thought Marine Le Pen got less than fifty percent of the vote. Why did she not win?

Score: 1

Marine Le Pen, recount the vote! I do not trust Arabic numbers, use Roman numerals.

Score: 2

What do Americans with online student loans have in common with the French? They've both signed away their future without Le Pen

Score: 2

Signing up for Marine biology this semester was disappointing. I never learned what’s going on in Le Pen’s head.

Score: 3

What type of pen does the marine use? Le Pen!

Score: 1

A good nurse always carries a pen A nurse was walking the ward when she noticed a rectal thermometer in her shirt pocket. "Some arsehole has my pen", she muttered to herself.

Score: 1

NASA spent 1.5mil on a pen that works in space. Russia putin a pencil.

Score: 4

How do you draw a scatter plot? You give the pen to michel j fox

Score: 1

What weapons do pengiuns have? Pen-guinades.

Score: 5

What brand of pen does Lance Armstrong use? Uni-ball

Score: 6

Which brand of pen does Hitler and Napolean like to use? Uniball.

Score: 2

A friend asked me for a coloured pen... So I gave him my only black pen and left.

Score: 3