Hilarious Pet Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Pet Jokes

I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over. “You’ve given me one too many.”

“That one is a freebie.”

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A Man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says “What an interesting pet, whats his name?” “Tiny” the man replies. “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?” "Because…He’s my newt.

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I recently bought my pet duck a mask, to protect it from corona virus... It’s nothing flashy, but it fits the bill

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I entered a my pet snail into a race and removed its shell thinking it would make it faster... Unfortunately, it only made it more sluggish.

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I have a pet tree... It's like having a pet dog but the bark is much quieter.

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A Woman goes to buy a Parrot. The prices are $100, $200, and $15. She asks why the last one is so cheap? "Because this stupid parrot keeps reposting crappy jokes" said the pet store employee.

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A man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder... The bartender says "What a strange pet, what's his name?"

"Tiny." the man replies.

"What an odd name, why do you call him tiny?"

"Because he's my newt."

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Me: Is this birdcage made out of nickel? Pet Shop Worker: No, I think its aluminium

Me: So there's no nickel in this cage?

PSW: Don't do it

Me: It's a nickeless cage

PSW: LEAVE!

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My pet snake just lays around and won't move I think he's suffering from a reptile dysfunction

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I took the shell off of my pet snail because I thought it would make him move faster ...if anything, it made him more sluggish

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Fidget spinners are useless Says the generation that bought 1.5 million pet rocks.

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What does a Japanese guy name his pet lion? Ryan

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I have a pet tree It's kind of like a pet dog, but the bark is quieter.

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I have a pet tree... It's just like a pet dog, but the bark is quieter.

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An Inuit man walks into a pet store... An Inuit man walks into a pet store holding a dead, bloodied seal, he screams at the owner "SOMEONE HAS CLUBBED MY SEAL, I DEMAND A REFUND!" The owner looks at him and says, "Sorry, warranty void if seal is broken."

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I bought my dog a new toy... ...but after a few hours it stopped working. I took it back to the pet shop to see if they could fix it. The guy looked at it for a second and said "I'm sorry, sir, but the hamster is dead".

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I went to the pet shop and asked for 12 bees The clerk counted out 13 bees and handed them over.

“You’ve given me one too many” I said.

“That one is a freebie”

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A good way to get to know your date is to ask about their first pet, favorite movie, and mom’s maiden name.

Then login and read all their emails.

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Voldemort is like a teenage girl. He has a diary, a tiara, a special cup, a pet he adores, and an obsession with a famous teenage boy.

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Little brother told me this joke, genius. "Why did Beethoven kill his pet chicken?"
-why
"Because it kept saying "bok bok bok"

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What did a Japanese guy name his pet lion? Ryan.

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I lost my pet rock in Morocco Where did Morocco?

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A man walks into a bar with his pet alligator He asks, _"Do you serve lawyers here?"_

The bartender says, _"Yes, of course we do!"_

The man says, _"OK, I'll have a beer for myself and a lawyer for my alligator."_

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At least people that have hit rock bottom are disciplining their pet rocks This joke brought to you by my ten year old son

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What did the pirate name his pet clam? Michelle

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I wanted to help my pet snail. He was really slow like, so one day I took off his shell, thought it'd make him more streamlined. Turns out it didn't. It made him more sluggish.

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Not quite what she was expecting... Guy: I work with animals every day!

Girl: That's so sweet! Are you a vet or a pet shop own-

Guy: I'm a butcher.

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When my pet goldfish died my parents thought it would be a great idea to replace it with a hamster... Poor little guy drowned in seconds..

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I wanted to get a dog for my son. But the pet shop doesn't do swaps.

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When I'm feeling shy, I like to think about my pet rock... It always inspires me to be a little boulder.

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Having a girl as a friend is like having a chicken as a pet.. Sooner or later you're gonna want to eat it

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I want a pet duck But can't get one in my town without an agricultural permit.

Oh, well. no farm, no fowl.

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This is my biggest pet peeve He's an elephant, all my pets are named peeve

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When you have a pet rock Friend: What are you doing?

Me: Training my pet rock

Friend: That's dumb

Pet Rock: *leaps from my hand & hits him in the face*

Me: No Rocky, No!

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I just returned my pet hamster. I'm starting to think we should have used a tennis ball.

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I gave the pet store $20 Mitch better have my bunny

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I always wanted to keep a fly as a pet. But that idea quickly went out the window.

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I bought a muzzle for my pet duck. Nothing flashy, but it fits the bill.

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What does an Asian call their pet lion? Ryan

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New Pet Jokes

My son's pet frog broke his leg yesterday He was very unhoppy...

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What do you call a german pet doctor? A veteran-aryan

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So my pet onion ran away the other day ago... That little rapscallion.

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Whats the best pet to take travelling? A carpet. Im sorry.

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My pet rock just isn’t feeling well today. I think it’s stoned.

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I have a pet racing snail and I thought if I removed its shell it would go even faster... but now it seems more sluggish

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I got a knitted chair for my pet bird! It's a crow chez.

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Went into the pet shop to buy a wasp, The owner said they didn’t sell them.
I said “why have you got one in the window then?”

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Don’t ever yell fire in a crowded movie theatre Or “Gatorade” in a pet shop

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PETA, in an attempt to improve its terrible public image, is launching a new, green plastic product line. Everything is made from 100% recycled pet.

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Can't believe my pet rat, Elvis, has died He was caught in a trap

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What did Shakespeare call the baby pig that he kept as a pet? Hamlet

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A man is talking with his pet fish, The fish tells the man that the word "gullible" is on the ceiling, the man looks and sees nothing on the ceiling.

The fish mutters under it's breath, "Heh, gillable."

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I had my pet duck drug tested this morning... Turns out he’s been doing quack this whole time!

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I took my pet snail’s shell off to see if he could go faster. But now he’s just more sluggish.

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A friend challenged me to a competition to see which one of us could steal the most accessories from the local pet shop. I just took the lead.

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What's something a good scientist or a bad pet owner would say? I'll be in my lab

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Who has the best pet peeves? Dumbledore

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I've got a pet peeve His name is Sparkles and he likes belly rubs.

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My pet turtle just died. He was tilted due to missing both his right legs, and he loved ring shaped pasta. I'm really gonna miss turtellini.

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I have a pet tree... It's like having a pet dog, except it's all bark and no bite !

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I told my pet alligator to stay outside But he caiman anyway

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A man went back to a pet store fuming. "Excuse me," he said to the pet shop owner. "That trained monkey you sold me yesterday died!"

"Wow," the owner replied. "He could never do that trick when I owned him."

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Did you know they're testing fishes as house pet? It's still in Beta

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What does Donald Trump call his pet? Trumpet.

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I found my Pet Peeve the other day He was hiding under the couch. Still a good boye though.

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There was a robbery at the pet store today It was a dog-gone catastrophe.

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A guy walks into the pet store to buy his gf cat some food. After giving his gf number to the cashier for the reward points, the cashier says you don't look like a Sue. The man replies, I'm in transition.

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A little boy is crying, because his pet bunny died... his mother asks: How does it come you are crying much more now than when your grandma died?
little boy:I didnt have to pay for her with my allowance.

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I walked into a pet shop and said, "Excuse me, do you have any blenders?" The man said "yes" and handed me a chameleon.

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Man walks into a pet shop... Man walks into a pet shop and says to the woman behind the counter, "I want to buy a bee". She reply "we don't sell bees", he says, "well you've got one in the window".

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My dad's pet rabbit died My mom said he's almost responsible enough for a dog

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Pet Spider My kid asked me for a pet spider for his birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70!

"No way," I thought, "I can get one much cheaper off the web."

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Hey guys, I've a cat as a pet for a year now and recently found out my girlfriend doesn't like cat. Looking for someone interested in adopting. She's 22 from New York and works in HR.

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What did the eskimo say when he found out that his pet seal had been stealing from his fish reserve? "Inuit!"

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Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things

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A man walks into a pet shop and says "I'll have one fly please" Pet shop worker: We don't sell flies.

Man: Well, you've got one in the window.

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What is the difference between a pet dog and a pet tree? The bark is much quieter and throwing a stick for it to Chase is seriously messed up

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Boy George has been attacked by his pet lizard He's going to get a calmer chameleon.

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TIL that in China, Chinese foods is called "food" Sometimes, they are pet too.

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I have heard that the PM of Canada has a pet moose... Is it Trudeau?

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I have a pet Newt, his name is Tiny.. My mate asked “Why do you call him Tiny”?

I replied “Because he’s minute”

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A little girl at a pet shop... ... says can I get a wittle wabbit
and the man says "Would you like a white wittle wabbit, brown wittle wabbit or a black wittle wabbit?"
the little girl replies "I don't think my snake really gives a thit!"

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two friends and a snail... friend 1: check out this pet i got the other day.

friend 2: why did you get a snail as a pet?

friend 1: because i can always keep an eye on it.

friend 2: where did you get it?

friend 1: at the mall husk.

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Like my grandfather always said: "Don't sweat the petty things in life, Pet the sweaty things.."

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What if dinosaur bones were only found on Earth... Because aliens used this planet as a pet cemetery?

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Baby Boomers like to call Millenials stupid. Aren't you the guys who were buying "pet rocks"?

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What's wrong with your pet lizard when you tell him to come but he won't listen? A reptile dysfunction

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I was going to take my dog to a pet psychiatrist But he knows he's not allowed on the couch.

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I got a tree as a pet instead of a dog. His barks are silent.

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I just got kicked out of the pet shop. All I did was ask the owner, "How many calories are there in this fish?"

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I went to the pet shop this morning I said 'can a buy a wasp please'

'We don't sell wasps' said the owner

I said 'well there's two in the window'

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You should always have a pet to make you feel safe... Just the other night my wife woke me tell me heard glass breaking and footsteps downstairs.

She calmed down when I told it was probably just the fish.

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What do you call a pet Ewok that stays inside? An Endor pet

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What was tina turners pet name for Ike? Beats me

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"And that's the last time I ever pet a lion", said Tom, offhandedly.

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A man walks into an Australian pet store, He asks the bloke behind the counter "where do you keep the kangaroos mate?"

The bloke replies, "outback."

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What is the best way for a pet shop to get business? Word of mouse.

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I went to the pharmacy this morning and asked for 50 condoms. The girl winked at me and said, "Oh, someone has a busy weekend ahead of them!"

"I know," I said. "I'm making a raincoat for my pet snake."

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What do you do if your pet dinosaur gets cold? Give him a Jurassic parka.

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