Hilarious Plane Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Plane Jokes

How does a Flat Earther travel the world? on a plane

Score: 16069

Ben Shapiro dies in a plane crash. Wanna know why it crashes? LEFT WING DESTROYED

Score: 15658

Give a man a plane ticket and he’ll fly for a day. Push a man from a plane and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

Score: 10025

I got arrested at the airport last week... Apparently, security doesn't appreciate it when you call "shotgun" before boarding a plane.

Score: 6983

A guy in a plane stood up and shouted, “HIJACK!” All passengers got scared.

From the other end of the plane, a guy shouted back, “HI JOHN!”

Score: 2159

Give a man a plane ticket... Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day.

Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

Score: 2045

Worst Geometry Joke I Know When does a Pentagon have only 4 sides?

When it is intercepted by a plane.

Score: 1854

Leave a man on a plane and he flies for a day. Throw a man off a plane and he flies for the rest of his life.

Score: 1837

A guy in a plane stood up & shouted “HIJACK!” All passengers got scared . . . Then from the other end of the plane a guy shouted back, . . . “Hi JOHN”

Score: 1333

Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are in a plane crash. Who survives? America.

Score: 1232

Getting on a plane . . . . . . I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to LA, and send one to Miami."

She told me, "We can't do that!"

I told her, "Well you did it last week!"

- Henny Youngman

Score: 1210

Give a man...... Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day.

Push a man out of a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

Score: 1202

When does a pentagon not have 5 sides? When it's intersected by a plane

Score: 817

A man was on a plane... A man was on a plane when a stewardess approached him and said "Would you like some headphones?" To which the man replied "Yes I would, but how did you know my name was Phones?"

*Edit: unintentional brain trick.

Score: 678

I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was sat next to a screaming baby. Apparently that's not allowed if the baby is yours.

Score: 640

On September 11, 2001, I was in geometry class. On that day, we learned you can remove one side of a pentagon by intersecting it with a plane.

Score: 550

Terrorists have hijacked a plane filled with politicians... They say they will release one politician per hour if their demands aren't met.

Score: 513

Two wrongs don't make a right... ...but two Wrights made a plane

Score: 513

A plane crashes. Every single person dies. Who survives? Every couple
-my 8yr old daughters riddle

Score: 495

What sound does a bouncing plane make? Boeing boeing boeing

Score: 458

A bearded guy A bearded, middle-eastern guy boards a plane. As soon as he enters he shouts "hijack!". All the passengers are scared to death. Some start crying. Then a white guy from the back stands up and says "oh hi Ahmed, didn't expect to see you here.."

Score: 437

People always say the show Lost had such a great pilot Then why did the plane crash?

Score: 404

A kinky passenger grinningly exposed himself to a stewardess as he boarded the plane. "I'm sorry," said the woman, "but you'll have to show me your ticket, not your stub."

Score: 368

Knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock knock -Who's there?

-The plane captain.

Score: 308

I thought opening a door for a woman was polite But she just screamed and flew out of the plane

Score: 297

“Stewardess” “Yes, Sir?”

“I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can’t see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can’t sleep.”

“Captain, shut up and land the plane.”

Score: 291

Henry Winkler on a plane Henry Winkler is a passenger on a plane and the flight attendant asks him, "Would you like some headphones?"

He replies, "Yes, that would be very nice, but it's pronounced 'Fonz'."

Score: 282

I was on a plane and the air hostess said, "Want some headphones?" I said, "Blimey. How'd you guess that my name is Phones?"

Score: 270

So I'm making a TV series about a plane hijacking.. We've just shot the pilot.

Score: 268

How do you change the number of sides on a Pentagon? Intersect it with a plane.

Score: 235

A man tried smuggling sausage and vodka out of Europe and his suitcase caught fire and they had to evacuate the plane. The whole event was pretty terrible.

It was the Absolut-wurst-case scenario.

Score: 171

Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for a few hours. Throw a man out of a flying plane and he flies for the rest of his life.

Score: 128

A guy in a plane stood up & shouted "HIJACK!" . All passengers got scared.. From the other end of the plane a guy shouted back " HI JOHN".

Score: 114

I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was sat next to a crying baby. Apparently that's not allowed if it's yours.

Score: 113

An asian asks for help at an airport... Asian: "why is my plane late? It said it would be here at 6:30."

Airplane help guy: "fluctuations."

Asian: "fluck you americans too."

Score: 105

Flight back home Guy was boarding a plane to go back home from a business trip.

As he was boarding another passenger asks him: "our flight looks full what do you think they will do??"

The Asian man flying back home says "beats me"

Score: 69

An Indian woman jumps up mid flight and shouts 'is there a doctor on the plane?' A nice, serious guy approaches quickly and says 'i'm a doctor, what's the problem?'

She replies 'Would you like to meet my daughter?'

Score: 68

Fox News has determined the cause of the recent plane crash. It was the left wing.

Score: 67

Why did the soviet plane crash? It was stalin

Score: 67

I got kicked off a plane today. All I did was greet my friend Jack whom I haven't seen in years.

Score: 61

New Plane Jokes

Getting on a plane, I told the ticket agent, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that!"
I told her, "You did it last week!"

Score: 19

What do you call keanu reeves on an air plane Air wick

Score: 3

I thought opening the door for a lady is a polite thing to do... But she just screamed and flew out of the plane.

Score: 24

Why were the twin towers disappointed with their pizza? Because they ordered pepperoni but all they got was plane.

Score: 3

Why did Apple's new plane crash? Because it didn't have windows.

Score: 8

A guy in a plane stood up and shouted "HIJACK" All of the passengers were scared. Then from the other end of the plane, a guy shouted back "HIJOHN"

Score: 49

There is Nothing Funny About 9/11 Jokes They are Just Plane Wrong

Score: 8

I was fired for flying my plane from New Zealand to Hawaii. They said I really crossed the line.

Score: 3

I met an old Air Force guy. I met an old Air Force guy. He said the first time he was gonna jump out of a plane he was scared. He said the Captain told him to jump, or he'd stick his d**k where the "sun don't shine". I go, "Did you jump?" He said, "A little."

Score: 16

I was on a plane and saw my freind jack So i shouted hi jack
Still dont know why i was detained

Score: 34

Two Irish men are in a plane when the roof comes off! Donal says to Paddy, "If this plane turns upside down will we fall out?"

"No way Donal" says Paddy, smiling, "we'll still be best friends."

Score: 5

An old man was piloting a small plane with his wife and kids aboard as a powerful storm raged. “Don’t fret so much,” he said to them as they were filled with fear. “If anything should happen to me, I've provided for all of you very generously in my will.”

Score: 3

So how about that airline food? Pretty Plane if you ask me.

Score: 5

Don't make 9/11 jokes please They're just plane wrong

Score: 7

Did you hear there's a pilot who only gives plane rides to mentally challenged kids?? What goes up must have downs

Score: 3

a plane crashed and every single person died, but how were there still survivors of the plane crash? the married people on the plane survived

Score: 4

My buddy just became an Air Marshal. He's a plane clothes cop.

Score: 5

What noise does a plane jumping on a trampoline do? Boeing.

Score: 3

I made a joke about the plane crash that had no survivors in it to my wife She got angry at me and called me insensitive.

I told her, "you had to be there"

Score: 33

Why could the vulture not take two carcasses onto the plane? Because he was only allowed one piece of carrion luggage.

Score: 7

A plane full of republicans had been captured by al queda They have posted a video online saying that unless the us government pays them ten million dollars, they will start returning them, one by one

Score: 33

A plane flies straight toward a mountain as pilot and co-pilot pull down on the control wheel with all their might The pilot yells "We'll never make it over that mountain" the co-pilot looks at him and says "Not with that altitude."

Score: 43

When I heard about 9-11... Considering I was living in New York at the time, as it was happening it occurred to me how easily that it could have been me involved

But then I realised I had no idea how to fly a plane

Score: 6

Why were the twin towers mad on 9/11? Because they ordered pepperoni but all the got was plane.

Score: 8

What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? Muhammad, statistically

Score: 7

A man boards a plane and sits down... and the flight attendant asks him "would you like some headphones?"

he responds "yes please, but how did you know my name was phones?"

Score: 5

I tried getting on a plane with a dead moose once. The attendant said I had to check it as luggage. I said, no it’s carrion.

Score: 18

Common sense is like a plane. It goes over most people's heads.

Score: 6

I was banned from the airport last week Apparently security doesnt like it when you call Shotgun while boarding the plane.

Score: 14

A training plane with 4 people crashes into a graveyard. 79 victims were found dead in the first hour of search and rescue. Authorities fear that the number may rise.

Score: 4

A plane carrying Donald Trump, Kim Jong Un, and Bashar Asaad crashes in the desert. Let's go get ice cream.

Score: 3

So Delta and United Airlines are in a bar... United: "We threw a doctor off our plane!"

Delta glances around, spies baby....

Delta: "Hold my beer..."

Score: 3

United Airlines pays "enormous sum to Dr. Dao who they dragged of plane" Largest bill for Chinese take out to date

Score: 36

If you go on a plane, always bring a bomb... The chances of two people having a bomb on the same plane is slim to none

Score: 17

When does a pentagon not have five sides? When it's intersected by a plane

Score: 35

I was banned from the airport last week. Apparently the security doesn't like it when you say Shotgun while boarding the plane.

Score: 16

All of these United Airlines jokes Are just plane rude

Score: 3

Why wasn't the vulture allowed on the plane? He had too much carrion.

Score: 3

[Stupid] Why was the medieval man such an a-hole on the plane ride? Because U-KNIGHTED AIRLINES

Edit: I didn't ask to be born

Score: 4

I know everyone is getting sick of these United jokes but We won't stop beating this dead horse until it volunteers to get off the plane

Score: 4

Shouldn't have responded to... ..."is there a Doctor on the plane"

Score: 4

A plane crashed into the deepest parts of the amazon forest. Is there a Doctor?!!! The people cried.

Score: 3

Can someone please explain these plane jokes to me? They're flying over my head.

Score: 5

OMG! Is anybody a doctor on this plane?! *BAM BAM!!! BAM BAM BAM BAM!!!!!*
...anyone else?!

Score: 8

A German man is leaving a plane after landing in Poland. The immigration officer asks him
"Occupation?" And the German man replies
"No just visiting"

Score: 16

Everyone makes 9/11 jokes. I think they are just plane wrong, honestly.

Score: 3

Wanna hear a physics pun? If an aircraft always takes off at an angle, doesn't that make it an inclined plane?

Score: 54

Why did the Asian pilot get arrested at the airport? TSA thought he said he was going to "pirate" the plane.

Score: 46

What do you call a black guy flying a plane? A pilot. What are you racist?!

Score: 7

The Wright brothers. The Wright brothers must have been vectors, because two of them made a plane.

Score: 24

What did the Syrian say about the airline food? He'd say it was awful if he could get on the plane.

Score: 3

The propellor of a plane is actually a giant fan for the pilot When the fan stops, you can actually see the pilot start sweating

Score: 24

What kind of a bagel flies?... A "plane" bagel.

Score: 5

A guy stands up on a plane and screams "HIJACK" and everybody is understandably afraid. However shortly after this someone shouts back, "Hi Fred!"

Score: 7

Trump and Hillary are in a plane crash. Who survives? America

Score: 7

Hillary and Trump crash in a plane, who survives? The United States

Score: 52

A plane crushed on top of a cemetery In the evening news:
So far they found 255 body... but they continue the digging.

Score: 3

Why is Peter Pan on the No-Fly list? Whenever he boards a plane it neverlands

Score: 24

What do you call a jellyfish on a plane? A flightoplankton.

Score: 28

My girlfriend has trouble with flying me too, that's why I use a plane.

Score: 3