Hilarious Plumber Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Plumber Jokes

How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist? Ask him/her to pronounce unionized

Edit: Gets 3000+ upvotes, Karma remains at 20...

Score: 1851

Child: Dad I want to be a plumber when I grow up Dad: That’s a very low goal. Have some ambition

Child: How about being a doctor?

Dad: That’s right!

Child: Or a teacher, a prison guard, a gym trainer....

Dad: HAVE YOU BEEN USING MY COMPUTER?

Score: 356

A plumber fixes a damaged pipe in a doctor's house and asks for 200 dollars. Doctor says to him: "Even i, don't make so much money in such a short period and i'm a doctor". And the plumber goes: "I know sir. I used to be a doctor myself"

Score: 350

My girlfriend said she wanted to be treated like a princess So I used her as bait to lure an Italian plumber into my castle

Score: 221

How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist? Ask them to pronounce unionized.

Score: 195

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away... An orange a day keeps the plumber away...

Basically if you throw fruit at people they go away.

Score: 89

A dog goes into a hardware store... ...and says: “I’d like a job please”. The hardware store owner says: “We don’t hire talking dogs, why don’t you go join the circus?” The dog replies: “What would the circus want with a plumber”.

-Steven Alan Green

Score: 67

Don't be racist, be like Mario... He's an Italian plumber created by Japanese people who speaks English, and looks like a Mexican, and runs like a Jamaican, and jumps like a Black man, and grabs coins like a Jew...

Score: 66

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronouce unionized

Score: 65

There once was a plumber named Leigh Who was plumbing his girl by the sea

She said, "stop your plumbing," "I hear someone coming!"

Said the plumber, still plumbing

"...it's me."

Score: 60

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce the word "unionized."

Score: 58

My friend had a German plumber hook up his new shower.... I guess old habits die hard because he hooked up the gas line instead.

Score: 57

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask him to pronounce "unionized"

Score: 54

How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to say the word, "unionized".

Score: 50

How do you tell the difference between a physicist and a plumber? Ask them to say the word 'unionized'.

Score: 45

There once was a plumber from Lea Who was plumbing a girl by the sea

She said "Stop with your plumbing, I think someone's coming!"

Said the plumber, still plumbing "It's me."

Score: 45

This morning I woke up to a tap on my front door. My plumber has a weird sense of humour.

Score: 44

How do you make a plumber sad? You tell him that the princess is in another castle.

Score: 36

What's the difference between a plumber and a scientist? Pronounce this word: unionized

Score: 35

Don't be racist; be like Mario He's an Italian plumber, made by Asians, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, runs like a black man and grabs coins like a jew.

Score: 35

The plumber found a blunt in my faucet today. No wonder my water bills are so high.

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How do you tell the difference between a scientist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce unionized.

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How do you tell if someone is a plumber or a scientist? Ask them to pronounce 'unionized'

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I woke up to a tap on the door this morning.. ...My plumber has an odd sense of humour

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How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce "unionised"

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How do you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask him to pronounce "unionized"

Score: 23

if a plumber's career can go down the drain... And a fireman's job can go up in smoke, can a hooker get laid off?

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How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to pronounce "unionized".

Score: 20

This morning there was a tap on my door My plumber has a weird sense of humor

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How do you tell the difference between a Chemist and a Plumber? You ask them to pronounce "unionized"

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How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber? Ask them to say the word unionized

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First thing this morning, there was a tap on my door... My plumber sure has a strange sense of humor...

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What's the difference between a plumber and a chemist? The way they pronounce "unionized".

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I stepped into my shower today only to find hot dogs coming out of the shower head My plumber calls it a "meatier shower".

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What did the boss say to the plumber after he broke the pipe? water you doing?

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I called my plumber because my shower wouldn't work for my black friend. "Well, yeah," he replied. "'Spigoted."

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I hired a plumber to install on-demand water heaters in my house It was a tankless job

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How to tell a chemist from plumber? Ask them to pronounce *unionized*.

Score: 3

What is a plumber's favorite vegetable? A leek

*my little brother gave me this

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New Plumber Jokes

A plumber, Santa clause and a smart blonde are in an elevator with a dog The dog gets killed, who did it?

The plumber. Santa clause and smart blondes don’t exist.

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What did the plumber say to his girlfriend when they were breaking up? It's over, Flo.

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What did the plumber say to his girl friend when breaking up with her It's not poo it's pee

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What does a plumber say when he can’t fix a reactor? No CANDU!

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Have you guys heard about the old italian plumber who can talk to ghosts? He uses a Luigi board.

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What is something that a Eskimo and a plumber can both come together on? A nice tight seal

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My German plumber hooked up my gas pipe to my shower... Looks like old habits die hard

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Although my son was only a plumber, we had a 21-gun salute at his funeral. Because he was killed in the line of doody.

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What was Poe's Gothic story about a collapsing plumber's residence? The Fall of the House of Flusher.

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Whats the difference between a plumber and a drug dealer? I'm not addicted to a drug dealer's crack.

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Mario Do not be racist be like Mario. He's an Italian plumber, who was made by the Japanese, speaks English, looks like a Mexican, jumps like a black man, and grabs coins like a Jew!

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What do you call a plumber that competes in the Olympics? A sinkhronized swimmer.

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A plumber walks into a client's backyard and sees three water holes in the ground. He says: "Well, well, well..."

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I have a dream of opening a business that sells purple pitted fruit as well as offering home water service repair I'll call it Plum and Plumber

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My German plumber accidentally hooked up a gas pipe to my shower Old habits die hard

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How do you tell if a homeless man has a girlfriend? It's easy, he's got 2 clean fingers.

You can say mechanic, plumber, welder etc. This joke has versatility, use it wisely.

Score: 1