Hilarious Pool Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Pool Jokes

How do you get 100 drunk and rowdy Canadians out of a pool? You say "Please get out of the pool."

Score: 17904

Given that a radiator is essentially a vital organ to a car, it's strange that the town in the movie Cars is called "Radiator Springs." It would be like if we called a city "Liver Pool."

Score: 17561

How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool? "Please Get Out The Pool"

Score: 2509

The lifeguard yelled at me for peeing in the pool. I was so startled, I almost fell in.

Score: 2313

Score: 1811

Yo momma is so fat ... She took a jump in the pool, they found water on Mars.

Score: 1714

How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool? "Please get out of the pool"

Score: 1190

Swimming Pool Joke Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

Score: 1076

What do you do if an epileptic has a seizure in your pool? Throw in your laundry.

Score: 844

I once got yelled at for peeing in a pool Scared me so much I almost fell in.

Score: 492

Personally, i think that Tide pods are even better than advertised. I mean, anything that can clean your clothes and the gene pool in the same product...

Score: 400

A man knocked on my door asking for a donation towards a new public swimming pool. So I gave him a glass of water.

Score: 394

Everyone pees in the pool... But you do it once from the high dive and you're some sort of monster.

Score: 352

What is big green and fuzzy and kills you when it falls out of a tree? A pool table

Score: 295

What game do Anti-Vaxxer's kids play in the pool? Marco Polio

Score: 276

How do you get 50 Canadians out of the swimming pool? Say, " Everyone out of the pool please."

Score: 272

The evolution of tide pods In 2017 tids pods cleaned clothes but in 2018 it cleans the gene pool

Score: 257

What has four legs, is green and fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree can kill you? A pool table.

Score: 256

I spent a few hours at my wife's grave today. She thinks I'm digging a pool.

Score: 256

"Sir, you'll need to leave, you can't pee in the pool." "But everyone pees in the pool!"

"Yes, but not from the diving board."

Score: 253

So I broke my waterproof speaker, by throwing it into a pool. I filed a request for a new speaker, but the company responded "it's not our fault the pool was empty".

Score: 244

I’ve always wanted a swimmers body so I go to the swimming pool everyday... But no one ever drowns

Score: 241

I was having a quick wee in the deep end of the swimming pool when the lifeguard blew his whistle. It was so loud I nearly fell in.

Score: 207

What's big, green, and fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree it will kill you? A pool table.

Score: 196

Why can't americans play pool billard? They always shoot the black ones first.

^^^^sorry...

Score: 187

Tide announced the new motto for their pods line. Cleaning the gene pool since 2017.

Score: 186

I made a dozen girls instantly wet yesterday because of my physique no one can beat me at doing a cannonball in the pool.

Score: 175

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

Score: 147

Swimming pool I was at a pool once, and the life guard yelled over to me, “HEY KID! QUIT PEEING IN THE POOL!”

I replied “Oh come on man. Everyone pees in the pool!”

“Yes, but not from the high dive!”

Score: 141

What's big, green, fuzzy, has four legs, and if it fell from a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

Score: 131

Today a man came to my door asking for donations for the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

Score: 73

What's big, green and if it falls out a tree it could kill you A pool table

Score: 52

Today somebody knocked on my door and asked for a small donation to the local swimming pool I gave him a glass of water.

Score: 41

A dolphin trespassed and took over my pool... I guess I could drain it, but that would defeat the porpoise.

Score: 41

How do you get 30 rowdy, drunk Canadians out of your pool after a house party? Ask them politely, "Please get out of the pool".

Score: 33

What is a chicken's favorite game to play in the pool? Marco Pollo

Score: 32

I come from a long line of alcoholics. My gene pool has a swim up bar.

Score: 31

Mother receives a telephone call from school telling her they are sending home her son for peeing in the swimming pool. "But everyone does that," she says.
"Not from the top diving board, they don't."

Score: 25

Today a man knocked on my door and asked me to make a small donation to the local swimming pool So I gave him a glass of water

Score: 22

What did the pervert say when he was kicked out of the public pool? "I was only practicing my breast stroke"

Score: 22

New Pool Jokes

"Madam, Please ask your son to stop peeing in the pool!" "Oh, But everyone pees in the pool! Are you saying you haven't?"



***'Not from the Diving board!!!"***

Score: 3

I once saw this obese albino laying by the pool... He looked like a bleached whale.

Score: 3

We had a guy going door to door in our neighborhood asking for donations for a new swimming pool so I gave him a glass of water

Score: 10

A lifeguard once yelled at me for peeing in a public pool. He startled me so badly I nearly fell in.

Score: 4

Earlier today, I was at the swimming pool with my gym class. The teacher yelled at me for peeing in the pool, and I replied that everyone pees in the pool "Yeah, but not from the diving board" was his reply!

Score: 3

Someone just knocked on my door, asking for donations for a new community swimming pool So I gave him a glass of water.

Score: 15

On the way back home from the pool with the wife and kids Wife: I can't believe you did something that disgusting.

Me: oh, come on. Everyone pees in the pool

Wife: NOT FROM THE DIVING BOARD!

Score: 5

What's big and green, brown and fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree, it would certainly kill you? A pool table... (A billiards table)

Score: 4

A woman called to my house looking for a donation to the community swimming pool So I gave her a bucket of water

Score: 6

I could never date someone who swims in the kiddy pool... They're just too shallow for me

Score: 3

What do you call a man with no legs and no arms in a swimming pool? Bob.

Score: 3

How does a dinosaur get out of a swimming pool? Wet.

Score: 8

How do you get 300 drunk Canadians out of a pool? You say "Please get out of the pool."

Score: 3

A guy came to my house yesterday asking for donations for a new swimming pool So I gave him a glass of water.

Score: 10

Of all the victims of Harvey.... ....I think I feel the most sorry, for the children who had been praying for a swimming pool.

Score: 3

My Local Youth Centre Wanted a Donation Towards Their Pool i gave them a bucket of water

Score: 3

The lifeguard at my local pool is racist... How I know?

When he said I should leave, I asked why and he said, "European in the pool!"

Score: 7

What does Dolly Parton put in her swimming pool? Chlorine chlorine chlorine chlorineeeee

Score: 3

Say what you want about the structural integrity of the Titanic At least the pool is still full

Score: 18

We all felt euphoric once I added sharks to the pool inside my house... That's because the pool was full of indoor-fins.

Score: 7

Swimming pool tips Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!

Father: Really, what?

Boy: That the potato should go in the front.

Score: 5

Why is every 3rd pool in Germany empty? Eins
Zwei
Drei

Score: 3

Pee in the pool and nobody bats an eye Do it from the diving board and everyone loses their minds

Score: 3

Here is a Canada day joke! How do you get 50 rowdy drunk Canadians out of a pool? You ask them to please get out of the pool.

Score: 8

What is fuzzy, has 4 legs and if it fell from a tree it would kill you? A pool table

Score: 15

The public pool had to be shut down because they found five drowned blondes in the deep end. Some kid had put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom.

Score: 5

What's green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table.

Score: 3

What do you call a drag queen with a cold floating in a pool? Phlegmbouyant

Score: 3

What's green has four legs and would probably kill you if it fell out of a tree? A pool table.

Score: 13

Today a man knocked on my door … He asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I went back into the house and brought back a glass of water.

Score: 4

Today a guy knocked on our door and asked for a small donation for the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water...

Score: 5

Real Donation :D Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

Score: 3

Why did the elephants keep getting kicked out the public pool? Because they kept dropping their trunks.

Score: 2

I went to a swimming pool with my bipolar friend He dissolved

Score: 9

Funny Jokes Ever.. Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

Score: 4

Yesterday a man knocked on my door.. Yesterday a man knocked on my door asking for a small donation for the local swimming pool.

I gave him a glass of water.

BAHAHAHAHA!

Score: 4

How are a gene pool and a swimming pool similar? Sometimes you have to use bleach to keep it clean.

Score: 5

What do you call a quadriplegic in a therapy pool? Vegetable soup

Score: 3

My physics teacher told me that even though I may feel down, that there's always an upside in life So she pushed me into the pool and begun the lesson on buoyancy.

Score: 4

I went to the pool with the local orphanage but none of them would get in the water. It's like thier parents never taught them to swim. Or something

Score: 18

I got asked what side of a swimming pool I prefer to jump in. Depends

Score: 7

At the pool yesterday, we noticed they don't allow Japanese people: The sign said: No Exposed Nips

Score: 2

TIL Scientists were surprised to find the Titanic's grand swimming pool still full after 100 years.

Score: 4

Wrong side of the trunks. Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!

Father: Really, what?

Boy: That the potato should go in the front.

Score: 2

This morning, someone asked for a donation to the local swimming pool I gave him a glass of water

Score: 4

How do scientists determine the genders of an ant? How do scientists determine the genders of an ant? They throw it onto a pool of water. If it floats, it's a boy ant.

Score: 2

i heard you can determine the gender of an ant by throwing it into a pool. if it sinks; girl ant.
if it floats; boy ant.

(if you repeat it enough times you'll eventually get it)

Score: 3

What's green and would kill you if it fell from a tree? A pool table.

Score: 12

A man knocked on my door and asked for a donation to the local swimming pool so i gave him a glass of water

Score: 8

I got caught peeing in the pool The life guard's yelling scary me so bad I almost fell in!

Score: 2

I had to quit my job as a pool cleaner... It was too draining.

Score: 4

A black 6th grader goes to the swimming pool with his class When he returned home, he asked his Mum:

"Hey mum, everybody was staring at my wee-wee in the communal shower. They said it's so big. Is it because I'm black?

"No Jamal, it's because you're 18"

Score: 7

What do you call a game played by 4 men? 8 ball pool.

Score: 2

What's big, green, and could kill you if it fell out of a tree? A pool table.

Score: 2

How do you kill a blonde? Tell her there's a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.

Score: 2

What's brown, green and fuzzy and if it fell from s tree it would kill you? A pool table...

Score: 3

So I just got banned from swimming at my local pool... Apparently Breast Stroke isn't exactly what I thought it was

Score: 18

What do you call a man with no arms or legs in a pool? Dead.

Score: 4

What do you call a bunch of bald black guys in a pool? Coco-Puffs

Score: 3

What do you call a man with no arms or legs lying on the floor? Matt.

What do you call him when he's swimming in the pool?

Bob.

Hanging on the wall?

Art.

Score: 5