Hilarious President Trump Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest President Trump Jokes

President Trump attempts suicide, fails because of broken rope. Fake noose.

Score: 721

President Trump: "I've raised THE BEST kids....." ".....They are the most polite people you have ever seen. Just today Don Jr. has already said "Pardon Me, Dad" at least 10 times. He has such great manners!"

Score: 247

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President Trump was told about the new abortion bill. Trump in a low whisper to his chief of staff:
“I thought I paid that bill already.”

Score: 151

Before too long, President Trump will be the most polite guy ever. He'll be saying, "Pardon me, pardon me, pardon me."

Score: 103

President Trump bumped into Mike Pence in a White House hallway this morning... Trump said "Pardon me."

Score: 99

What does President Trump yell to get troops to withdraw from a battle? RETWEEEEET!

Score: 97

I got President Trump's autograph today. He signed my Deportation Notice.

Score: 56

President Trump! What about the aliens from space? We need a ROOF!

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President Trump‘s personal library burned down Both of his books have turned into ashes. He couldn’t even finish colouring the second one.

Score: 34

President Trump has been taking xanax daily. He heard it helps with Hispanic attacks.

Score: 34

Why is President Trump so cranky? Because he owns my username but only I have the password.

Score: 25

What did the White House staff do when President Trump broke the fax machine? They replaced it with an alternative fax machine.

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Under President Trump, ISIS continues to spread across Middle East as a fine red mist.

Score: 21

An attendant to President Trump comes in and tells him "Sir, your commission has reported that three Brazilian illegals voted for Hillary." And so he yells "I knew it! Now how many is a 'brazilian'?"

Score: 20

So, I hope that when President Trump gets tired of us he'll leave us for some younger, more attractive, East European country. Hopefully in a year or so

Score: 19

What's President Trump's favorite store to shop at? Wall-mart

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President Trump just compared impeachment to being lynched. If you are expecting an apology he will leave you hanging.

Score: 15

What do atoms and President Trump have in common? They make up everything

Score: 14

You have to give President Trump credit Because he definitely doesn't have any cash.

Score: 14

Why did President Trump cross the road? "I didn't cross the road. I have never crossed the road. More lies of the MSM. Sad!"

Score: 13

What's the difference between Melania Trump and the FBI? The FBI is still coming for President Trump.

(Fixed the typo...)

Score: 13

President Trump has declared Palestine "not a Shithole Nation". "It's a Shithole Territory"

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Why can't President Trump ever finish reading a book? Because everything he starts ends with chapter 11.

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Neither President Obama nor President Trump has done anything for the people of Mississippi. For example, they still live there.

Score: 11

Why can't President Trump bring back hanging? Because of all the fake noose.

Score: 10

It's a good thing that President Trump uses Twitter It limits what he can say.

Score: 9

What do you call President Trump, unconscious on the floor of the Oval Office? Not an ambulance.

Score: 7

What did Michael Cohen say when President Trump called him earlier this week? Pardon me?

Score: 7

They say President Trump first noticed he may have Covid-19 When he couldn’t smell the bullshit coming out of his own mouth.

Score: 7

How do you drive President Trump crazy? Tell him you placed evidence of voter fraud in the corner of his office.

Score: 7

President Trump to sign an executive action taking aim at Sun Maid and California's Raisin industry He answered most of the criticism over the weekend by stating

"I would like to make raisins Grape again"

Score: 6

A man wakes up in the hospital after electrocuting himself... Doctor: What is your name?

Man: Steven

Doctor: Good. Who is the current US President?

Man: Obama

Doctor: Oh no that is incorrect it is President Trump

Man: Dammit it didn't work

Score: 6

Donald Trump and Justin Trudeau run a 100-meter race... Trudeau easily overtakes Trump and wins.

Minutes later, the White House tweets a press note:

"President Trump won prestigious silver in US-Canada race. The Canadian showed up second-to-last."

Score: 5

I heard President Trump is a really good COD player. Apparently he can tomahawk from across the map on command.

Score: 4

Dad, I wanna be just like President Trump when I grow up. Dad: Pick one, son. You can't do both.

Score: 4

Listen, guys. I’m not conservative, but I’ll be the first to admit that after 4 years in office President Trump DID make America great again. When he lost re-election.

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Why does President Trump only drink liquor made by Fox News? Everything else is fake booze.

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What did President Trump say to the nuclear weapon? You're fired!!

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Great news America! The results from President Trump's colonoscopy test are back! They found his head…

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New President Trump Jokes

Why won’t Republicans I’m preach President Trump? Because they believe in carrying a baby full term.

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Just received sad news that President Trump might have contracted the Corona Virus. But no need to worry... I’m confident COVID-19 will get better soon.

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Mon, people keep sayin' dat President Trump is impeached. I tink im oranged.

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President Trump's opposition to DACA is suprising, given that when he was first asked about DACA he was very supportive of it. He thought they said Dachau.

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President Trump's presidency proves Newton 3rd law For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction

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President Trump truly can't see why what he is doing is against the law. He is illegally blind.

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President Trump really shot himself in the foot with the Ukraine call. He's now Biden his time til he leaves office.

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What do President Trump and Coach Doc Rivers have in common? Both men have been accused of tampering, but only Doc Rivers was fined for it.

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I was going to write President Trump a joke about the wall he wants to build but decided not to. He won’t get it anyway.

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Stormy Daniels must really like President Trump. She said he was a fun guy.

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Governor what your biggest fear about hurricane Florence hitting North Carolina? President Trump

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Did you hear what president Trump said about deaf people? I know they didn’t.

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President Trump's vocabulary is clearly above 4th grade, for he knows such fancy words as "shithole".

Score: 3

President Trump shouldn't feel so bad about not being Time's person of the year After all, he did finish right behind them.

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An accountant told President Trump, "You can name my firstborn son as long as it honors me, is Hebrew, and—" Interjecting, President Trump blurts out,"I'VE GOT IT... "MathJew"

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If President Trump started a new party in 2020 l what would it be called? My suggestion is the whig party.

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President Trump's announces his new medical care act It's called "Single Prayer".

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Is President Trump as big of a pervert as President Clinton? Close but no cigar.

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Why does president Trump need a carpenter? To fix his Cabinet.

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How does President Trump deal with outlaws? He grabs them by the posse.

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It was recently discovered that Hillary approached President Trump to ask if she could replace Justice Scalia after his death. Trump replied, "That's perfectly fine with me so long as the undertaker is okay with it."

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After his visit to Poland, Reports say 74 percent of the natives thought President Trumps visit was a failure... Trump responded, "THE POLS are WRONG, FAKE NEWS!

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President Trump Calls His First Trip Abroad a 'Home Run' Now he can jump on his golf cart and run all the bases

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How much did President Trump pay for assassination insurance? One Pence.

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Everyone says President Trump isn't an environmentalist.. ..But look at his work preserving the swamp!

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Why are the sick birds upset at President Trump? They heard he was planning to deport all ill eagle's

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CNN recently released a new report from one of Trumps closest aides. The unnamed source has disclosed that Trump has been diagnosed with sphincter dysfunction. President Trump responded: "the news is fake, but the leaks are real."

Score: 3